oh my gooosh. This week has been my all time low. And today was actually the lowest. :( IDK, man.
Sorry, but honestly, today has been a day I wish had never happened. You know one of those days. W/e it's over now.
something positive about the day:
I got called the "odd man out". I was actually ok with this bc this is a better word for it(you know instead of loner, weird quiet kid, person that never talks...you know) but when I got questioned about it...mmm, chill out man. Literally to my face and then questioned on why I wasn't with the others and why I was by myself...gee idk, maybe it's cause I don't like people. I mean I love them. Seriously they can be amazing and wonderful and beautiful and smiley and happy and laughter...but talking to them, engaging with them, coming up with new things to talk about...every single day...dude, I'm so exhausted that today I just gave up. Yeah I sat with them, but I made no effort at all to engage with them. Lol, there's my positive for the day, instead of running and hiding, at least I sat with them. Call me unsociable, but if I'm honest I would actually just be nodding along to stuff that I really don't care about. Most of the stuff they talk about I don't care a lick about. But I have to pretend like I do, bc otherwise I'm the jerkface I was today who sits there and stares into space. Seriously, it feels like a wasted day.
I don't get it. What's so wrong about wanting to be by yourself? What the eff is so bad about not wanting to talk? What's you people's problem, huh? Quit trying to make me like one of you guys.
And fyi, don't tell someone's who's already isolating themselves to try and get along with others bc telling someone to do something that they're not only not good at but also hate...it'll just make them do the opposite. "Oh smile more." I will frown all freaking day. "Oh talk more." You ain't hearing a word from me anymore. "Oh you shouldn't be by yourself" I will freaking hide in the bathroom all day. I'm like most people, I will do the opposite out of spite. Bc words like that that do nothing but discourage me.
Lol now that I'm done with that rant. Good things. Good things. Hmm, I had a lot of downtime today and while that was good for me, it made everyone look at me as a lazy bum,..but w/e I don't live to please you people.
I love the people who invented ramen. It's so tasty and cheap and tbh I like eating it raw. I'm too lazy to cook it and it tastes good like this. It's prob bad for me, but oh well.
what I had accomplished:
I didn't go home and just crash even though that's what I wanted to do. I did take an hour nap when I got home and am still awake now. And despite today being an all around horrible experience. I made it through it. Granted I'll have to see their stupid faces again for 5 more weeks...but at least I'll get time to recuperate during summer. Gosh, this'll be my last "summer" forever bc I'll have to work forever and will only have "vacations" next year on.
something I look forward to the next day:
IT'S SATURDAY!!! LOL, I will never not look forward to the weekend!! Lol, well as long as I don't have school or work during it, I'm good.
on that note UH OH SPAGHETTI O'S !!!!!! LOL, I like this phrase better than rats. But we'll see, it's hard to change.
Friday, April 8, 2016
Thursday, April 7, 2016
And if you close your eyes, Does it almost feel like You've been here before?
I burnt my tongue drinking coffee :I (I put in hazelnut creamer and it was delish xD; I wanted to try the french vanilla but it was out) Such delicious food, and I caaaan't taste it. Lol, now I can't stop saying "a" words with a British accent. Hahaha, if I live in England long enough, surely I can develop a British accent, right??????????? There is hooope, riiiiight????? Lol, if not, I can settle with an Australian accent. And if all else fails, I'll go to an Irish accent...(´ε｀ )♡
something positive about the day:
Bro:"I heard a knock and ding dong while I was running, but I was in the zone so I didn't answer it."
Me:"What do you mean you didn't answer it, what if it was an emergency?"
Bro:"Well that's your problem. Don't call me either, cause I won't pick up."
Me:"What?! What if I'm dying?!"
Bro:"Well that's your problem. Just don't die between 5:30-6:30."
＼(º □ º l|l)/
Lol, bc I really get to choose when I die. This is why I'm glad my parents procreated another child. What would I do without him? Lol, apparently die. But no, really, I feel so blessed to have him. (ﾉ´з｀)ノ
what I had accomplished:
Lol. Nothing. Jk. I went to class even though I didn't want to. I talked to my classmate instead of ignoring her like the loner I am. I tried to talk to the staff, but again, human interaction...not my cup of tea dearies.
I also learned that people are seriously...more than just what you see. A "nice" person can be a real...jerk. And a "mean" person can be a saint. And change, change baby is harder than you think it is. A person who suddenly says, "Oh, I've changed..." be forewarned. People don't just quickly "change". It's freaking hard.
Sigh. I just remembered the 3 things I regret in this world. 2 of them bc of other people and 1 of them bc of my family. I'm...actually too ashamed to post them on here, but I did post it on anonymous confession. It doesn't lessen any of the guilt...but if I ever see them in person again...I want to promise that I won't hesitate to apologize. But..idk. I wish I was a better person. You know...one of those people that just radiated goodness...and why am I so evil inside? :( I used to be such a good kid...but idk what happened. It stinks being a horrible person. Hah. This is not where I was planning to go with this, but like I said: I've always been a negative person so of course it won't be that easy to change into a positive, loving life person. But I'm trying and I'm gonna have relapses and it's not going to be easy, but I want to look in the mirror and not hate the person I see there. I want to be happy that God created me. I want to know I wasn't a worthless existence. But, like I said, it'll take time. And I'm gonna work on it. Lol, one day at a time.
something I look forward to the next day:
TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!! YESH!!!! Lol, it's a long day, but then comes the weekend amigo!!! I'm going to listen to my new CD's that I bought tomorrow on my way to school. AND! AND! AND! ...pSSst, get this. I'm going to EAT breakfast tomorrow. I forgot if I talked about it, but I ran into some blood and I hadn't eaten breakfast and just my vision started going black. Not like black spots, but kind of like static black started creeping into the side of my vision. I walked briskly out of that room and basically sprinted down the hall into the bathroom, sat down, and closed my eyes. It was effing scary. lOL, it wasn't until I was able to stand up steadily that I realized I sat on the nasty bathroom floor. Lol, but w/e. I crammed a candy down my throat and sat there for a bit hoping that I wouldn't pass out. It was quite an experience. One day at a time.
something positive about the day:
Bro:"I heard a knock and ding dong while I was running, but I was in the zone so I didn't answer it."
Me:"What do you mean you didn't answer it, what if it was an emergency?"
Bro:"Well that's your problem. Don't call me either, cause I won't pick up."
Me:"What?! What if I'm dying?!"
Bro:"Well that's your problem. Just don't die between 5:30-6:30."
＼(º □ º l|l)/
Lol, bc I really get to choose when I die. This is why I'm glad my parents procreated another child. What would I do without him? Lol, apparently die. But no, really, I feel so blessed to have him. (ﾉ´з｀)ノ
what I had accomplished:
Lol. Nothing. Jk. I went to class even though I didn't want to. I talked to my classmate instead of ignoring her like the loner I am. I tried to talk to the staff, but again, human interaction...not my cup of tea dearies.
I also learned that people are seriously...more than just what you see. A "nice" person can be a real...jerk. And a "mean" person can be a saint. And change, change baby is harder than you think it is. A person who suddenly says, "Oh, I've changed..." be forewarned. People don't just quickly "change". It's freaking hard.
Sigh. I just remembered the 3 things I regret in this world. 2 of them bc of other people and 1 of them bc of my family. I'm...actually too ashamed to post them on here, but I did post it on anonymous confession. It doesn't lessen any of the guilt...but if I ever see them in person again...I want to promise that I won't hesitate to apologize. But..idk. I wish I was a better person. You know...one of those people that just radiated goodness...and why am I so evil inside? :( I used to be such a good kid...but idk what happened. It stinks being a horrible person. Hah. This is not where I was planning to go with this, but like I said: I've always been a negative person so of course it won't be that easy to change into a positive, loving life person. But I'm trying and I'm gonna have relapses and it's not going to be easy, but I want to look in the mirror and not hate the person I see there. I want to be happy that God created me. I want to know I wasn't a worthless existence. But, like I said, it'll take time. And I'm gonna work on it. Lol, one day at a time.
something I look forward to the next day:
TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!! YESH!!!! Lol, it's a long day, but then comes the weekend amigo!!! I'm going to listen to my new CD's that I bought tomorrow on my way to school. AND! AND! AND! ...pSSst, get this. I'm going to EAT breakfast tomorrow. I forgot if I talked about it, but I ran into some blood and I hadn't eaten breakfast and just my vision started going black. Not like black spots, but kind of like static black started creeping into the side of my vision. I walked briskly out of that room and basically sprinted down the hall into the bathroom, sat down, and closed my eyes. It was effing scary. lOL, it wasn't until I was able to stand up steadily that I realized I sat on the nasty bathroom floor. Lol, but w/e. I crammed a candy down my throat and sat there for a bit hoping that I wouldn't pass out. It was quite an experience. One day at a time.
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
I don't know what you're doing to me Mon chéri, but the truth catches up with us eventually ♫ (T_T)
Addiction is scary. People who have never been addicted can easily say, "oh why don't you just quit." they don't know what they're talking about. For me it's more of a mental addiction, but addiction can be both mental and physical. Cutting cold turkey makes you realize why you started the addiction in the first place. Life looks so empty without it. There's so much more free time, but there's no motivation there to do anything else. That addiction was my source of happiness...so now that I want to stop, I have to search for something else to find my happiness in...:/ I don't like a lot of things. Argh. This is gonna be a long journey, but I got to keep trying.
something positive about the day:
I slept in like nobodies business today. And I went walking even though I felt like a pile of goo. It was nice and windy and I felt energized after walking.
I also bravely went to the fiction part of the library today. Usually if I check out a book, it's from the nonfiction part bc there's nobody there so I can browse as I please, but today, I was all, "let's do something scary and different", so I went to the fiction part and looked around. Ok, you got me. I went at night so there was about 3 people there, so less pressure, but hey, I still went. :P I found 3 books.
I've been thinking that I've been so focused on reading manga these past couple years bc it's online and easier access but I wonder if all this online reading hasn't been the reason behind my radical degeneration of sight. I want to go back to reading physical books. And see if that makes any difference. I want to set a goal of 3 books a week, but that might be me being over optimistic(hey! That's a nice change from my "the world hates me" attitude) since this week was test free.
Ah, raising hope makes me smile. That little girl is so cute!
what I had accomplished:
I learned how to make gift bags bc of youtube(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWXa9ZO2U4g&nohtml5=False). It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. But now I won't have to buy those dollar gift bags bc during the after Christmas sail, I found out there's an A to Z variety shop in town and they were selling wrapping paper that was 90% off!! Isn't that daebak??! So I got a roll for ~.20 cents. I reallly wanted to just buy up all of the wrapping paper bc that's such a freaking awesome deal, but I couldn't carry all of it and I didn't want to get a cart. Lol. Again the lazy me destroys me. I made 3 bags and they're not professional quality, but hey I'll get better the more I do. I made 2 Christmas ones and 1 birthday one.
I didn't skip class today even though I really wanted to. It's college so I'm paying for the classes so I might as well go.
something I look forward to the next day:
Tomorrow even though it's suppose to be one of my long days, at least they're providing lunch. :? It's sooo hard for me to find something to look forward to on Thursdays and Fridays...I just wish I had a friend on these days, then the day would pass by much faster...but we've been together for 3 semesters now...everyone has their own group already. I always feel like an outsider trying to edge my way in. So, I'm taking the solo route for now. It is lonely but it's also less pressure. So meh.
Gosh, I just saw it. A freaking huge mosquito the size of my fist. Urgh one of the downsides of approaching summer... How the heck am I gonna sleep tonight? Gosh it WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!! I ran and got a fly swatter and tried to hit it but my aim is freaking horrible!!!!!! Why couldn't I have done sports in school?????????? Welp, guess there's no sleep for me tonight...:(((
I don't like using the word "shoot" as an alternative to the s word. It's too similar. I used to say rats when I was younger and idk when I switched to shoot, but I want to switch back. I like rats better. Gosh I really don't like mosquitoes, I'm so scared and paranoid rn...I wish it would show up again so I'm not sitting around looking around waiting for it to just pop up....{{ (>_<) }}....
something positive about the day:
I slept in like nobodies business today. And I went walking even though I felt like a pile of goo. It was nice and windy and I felt energized after walking.
I also bravely went to the fiction part of the library today. Usually if I check out a book, it's from the nonfiction part bc there's nobody there so I can browse as I please, but today, I was all, "let's do something scary and different", so I went to the fiction part and looked around. Ok, you got me. I went at night so there was about 3 people there, so less pressure, but hey, I still went. :P I found 3 books.
I've been thinking that I've been so focused on reading manga these past couple years bc it's online and easier access but I wonder if all this online reading hasn't been the reason behind my radical degeneration of sight. I want to go back to reading physical books. And see if that makes any difference. I want to set a goal of 3 books a week, but that might be me being over optimistic(hey! That's a nice change from my "the world hates me" attitude) since this week was test free.
Ah, raising hope makes me smile. That little girl is so cute!
what I had accomplished:
I learned how to make gift bags bc of youtube(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWXa9ZO2U4g&nohtml5=False). It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. But now I won't have to buy those dollar gift bags bc during the after Christmas sail, I found out there's an A to Z variety shop in town and they were selling wrapping paper that was 90% off!! Isn't that daebak??! So I got a roll for ~.20 cents. I reallly wanted to just buy up all of the wrapping paper bc that's such a freaking awesome deal, but I couldn't carry all of it and I didn't want to get a cart. Lol. Again the lazy me destroys me. I made 3 bags and they're not professional quality, but hey I'll get better the more I do. I made 2 Christmas ones and 1 birthday one.
I didn't skip class today even though I really wanted to. It's college so I'm paying for the classes so I might as well go.
something I look forward to the next day:
Tomorrow even though it's suppose to be one of my long days, at least they're providing lunch. :? It's sooo hard for me to find something to look forward to on Thursdays and Fridays...I just wish I had a friend on these days, then the day would pass by much faster...but we've been together for 3 semesters now...everyone has their own group already. I always feel like an outsider trying to edge my way in. So, I'm taking the solo route for now. It is lonely but it's also less pressure. So meh.
Gosh, I just saw it. A freaking huge mosquito the size of my fist. Urgh one of the downsides of approaching summer... How the heck am I gonna sleep tonight? Gosh it WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!! I ran and got a fly swatter and tried to hit it but my aim is freaking horrible!!!!!! Why couldn't I have done sports in school?????????? Welp, guess there's no sleep for me tonight...:(((
I don't like using the word "shoot" as an alternative to the s word. It's too similar. I used to say rats when I was younger and idk when I switched to shoot, but I want to switch back. I like rats better. Gosh I really don't like mosquitoes, I'm so scared and paranoid rn...I wish it would show up again so I'm not sitting around looking around waiting for it to just pop up....{{ (>_<) }}....
Tuesday, April 5, 2016
If I told you what I was, Would you turn your back on me? ♪ __φ(．．)
...sometimes, I'm scared of myself. Scared of my own thoughts. Scared of how people see me. Just scared to continue on with life, bc there'll be more heartache, more tears, more anger, and more regret. I wonder if this life...is the life I'm meant to live. I wonder...if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm making the right choices, if this is how my life is going to be always. Lol, my mom broke my jar. Inside my head I got mad that my jar was broken...when I should have been more concerned that she cut herself...it's thoughts like these that make me wish I was a better person. Shouldn't someone else's pain be more important than just stuff? Ugh. I guess I have a lot of growing up to do. My depressing thought for the day.
something positive about the day:
Got to taste the bamboo!! It was yummy! I ate it with salmon. No wonder pandas like the stuff. My hair was looking soft today. And, even though it was hot, there was a nice breeze that blew when it got too hot.
P.S., my brother's favorite phrase as of late: "But, why?" Lol, he'll seriously answer everything I say with that. And I just realized today that I've started saying it too!!!
what I had accomplished:
I sent a text today. It was just an elaborate thank you text, but I don't particularly like texting. It's a permanent record of my awkwardness. People can always keep what I say and, and...I don't like that. But I did send it. I'll admit, it took me about 10 minutes to find the right wording...once again, I can hardly talk to people in real life...so initiating a conversation via text where I have no body language as cues...it's doubly hard. But that's ok, I did it. :O There will be of course more texts in the future, but that's ok, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Lol, update...I looked at the reply text in only 2 h this time. Let me just say, I hate looking at reply texts. Bc, it makes me feel like I have to respond in kind. So hence, why I always wait a long time before looking at my phone again. I'm one of "those" people. I'm sorry. But, idk how to respond!!! If I did and was a master at conversing, I would reply faster. But I'm working on it!!!
I also finished writing my study guide, now I just got to get down to studying. (￣^￣)ゞ Fighting!! I can do it!!!
OOOOh and I wore my sunglasses while walking to the library today. It's about a 5 minute walk, but I've always been scared to wear sunglasses bc I feel like people are thinking "What? Are you trying to be cool with those shades? Bc you're not" every time I wear them...I know it's prob just in my head, but I'm my own worse enemy.
I like wearing sunglasses bc I can look at people more confidently than if I'm not wearing sunglasses. Also the reason I tried to ignore my initial instinct to not wear them is bc I remember how bad my eyes have gotten and I read somewhere it's good to wear sunglasses to protect the eyes from the sun. I need protection bc at the rate I'm going, I'll be blind way before I'm supposed to be.
something I look forward to the next day:
I only got one class tomorrow. And it should be a class where I don't have to pair up with anyone. Sorry, but pairing up is the scariest part of class when you don't know anyone and it's an odd number. But, if I remember correctly tomorrow is the memorization class...I'm not really a person who can memorize things after seeing it a couple times. I have to actively try to memorize while I'm being taught it. Go over it in my head several times. Do it several times. Do it several more times. Talk through it. Do it several more times...lol, and then I should be able to do a decent, let me reiterate, decent job.
٩(ˊ〇ˋ*)و I think I'm allergic to sunlight...lol, jk but even when I get enough sleep, whenever I'm outside, I just start yawning...hmm, wonder what's up with that.
this guy is an axolotl...even the name is cute!! He's an endangered species, but look at that smile!!! I want one...but I think it's illegal here in the states. The saddest thing is that bc he has regenerative powers(which by the way is flippin' awesome!!), people use him to do experimental research on...:( That's why he's becoming an endangered species. I hope we humans wouldn't use animals like that...like the whole testing products on animals things. I'm probably a hypocrite for saying all this since I'm not a a vegetarian...but...we shouldn't cut his arms off just because they can grow back...I'm sure he still feels pain. I actually discovered this precious creature when I read about him in a manga. I think I'm going to put that on my bucket list...maybe not to have an axolotl since they might not like to be held captive, but to see one in real life...yeah, that'd be good enough for me. :)
something positive about the day:
Got to taste the bamboo!! It was yummy! I ate it with salmon. No wonder pandas like the stuff. My hair was looking soft today. And, even though it was hot, there was a nice breeze that blew when it got too hot.
P.S., my brother's favorite phrase as of late: "But, why?" Lol, he'll seriously answer everything I say with that. And I just realized today that I've started saying it too!!!
what I had accomplished:
I sent a text today. It was just an elaborate thank you text, but I don't particularly like texting. It's a permanent record of my awkwardness. People can always keep what I say and, and...I don't like that. But I did send it. I'll admit, it took me about 10 minutes to find the right wording...once again, I can hardly talk to people in real life...so initiating a conversation via text where I have no body language as cues...it's doubly hard. But that's ok, I did it. :O There will be of course more texts in the future, but that's ok, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
Lol, update...I looked at the reply text in only 2 h this time. Let me just say, I hate looking at reply texts. Bc, it makes me feel like I have to respond in kind. So hence, why I always wait a long time before looking at my phone again. I'm one of "those" people. I'm sorry. But, idk how to respond!!! If I did and was a master at conversing, I would reply faster. But I'm working on it!!!
I also finished writing my study guide, now I just got to get down to studying. (￣^￣)ゞ Fighting!! I can do it!!!
OOOOh and I wore my sunglasses while walking to the library today. It's about a 5 minute walk, but I've always been scared to wear sunglasses bc I feel like people are thinking "What? Are you trying to be cool with those shades? Bc you're not" every time I wear them...I know it's prob just in my head, but I'm my own worse enemy.
I like wearing sunglasses bc I can look at people more confidently than if I'm not wearing sunglasses. Also the reason I tried to ignore my initial instinct to not wear them is bc I remember how bad my eyes have gotten and I read somewhere it's good to wear sunglasses to protect the eyes from the sun. I need protection bc at the rate I'm going, I'll be blind way before I'm supposed to be.
something I look forward to the next day:
I only got one class tomorrow. And it should be a class where I don't have to pair up with anyone. Sorry, but pairing up is the scariest part of class when you don't know anyone and it's an odd number. But, if I remember correctly tomorrow is the memorization class...I'm not really a person who can memorize things after seeing it a couple times. I have to actively try to memorize while I'm being taught it. Go over it in my head several times. Do it several times. Do it several more times. Talk through it. Do it several more times...lol, and then I should be able to do a decent, let me reiterate, decent job.
٩(ˊ〇ˋ*)و I think I'm allergic to sunlight...lol, jk but even when I get enough sleep, whenever I'm outside, I just start yawning...hmm, wonder what's up with that.
this guy is an axolotl...even the name is cute!! He's an endangered species, but look at that smile!!! I want one...but I think it's illegal here in the states. The saddest thing is that bc he has regenerative powers(which by the way is flippin' awesome!!), people use him to do experimental research on...:( That's why he's becoming an endangered species. I hope we humans wouldn't use animals like that...like the whole testing products on animals things. I'm probably a hypocrite for saying all this since I'm not a a vegetarian...but...we shouldn't cut his arms off just because they can grow back...I'm sure he still feels pain. I actually discovered this precious creature when I read about him in a manga. I think I'm going to put that on my bucket list...maybe not to have an axolotl since they might not like to be held captive, but to see one in real life...yeah, that'd be good enough for me. :)
oh lol...I think I pasted the picture correctly, if not and there's no image, then there's always google. Um...I think there's supposed to be something like giving credit to the owner of the picture or I could get sued...or something like that, but I'm not good with technical and legal stuff, so if it's your picture and you don't want me to use it, I can take it down. It's just he's so cute and I wanted everyone to know. Er, I just realized I've been calling the axolotl a boy...idk if he is one or that, it's just girls tend to be pickier and boys more chill, so I always like boy pets more, also I have a repertoire of boy names. Lol if I ever have kids. Got to find someone who would be able to tolerate me first. Lol and that I find tolerable of course. At this rate, it's looking like it's just gonna be me and axolotl for a while.
I just looked in the mirror and it looks like I'm pregnant...lol, except that's physically impossible. Meh, guess that's what summer is for. SUMMMMER!!!! I'M WAITING FOR YOU!!! <3
I just looked in the mirror and it looks like I'm pregnant...lol, except that's physically impossible. Meh, guess that's what summer is for. SUMMMMER!!!! I'M WAITING FOR YOU!!! <3
Monday, April 4, 2016
I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed Get along with the voices inside of my head ♫
Oh, today was a good day even though it was monday. Lol, monday's are starting to lose their rep as being a bad day!!
something positive about that day:
a classmate of mine gave me bamboo. Lol, it was one of the sweetest things ever!! It wasn't even just a little bit either, it was a whole jar!! People like that really are just too sweet for this world. I wish I was better at socializing so I could give the person back something in return.
Got to see new episode of running man!! Running man always makes my day better!! Mmm, we had to do a group project thing in class today, but I'm glad the teacher assigned us to groups, since every time there's free choice it's awkward since I sit by myself. The group I was with was really nice. Idk if it was niceness out of politeness, but hey I'll take fake niceness over rude in my face meanness, since I have 2 more semesters with them.
Oh and when we reviewed the test, she enlarged it so I didn't have to move closer.
what I had accomplished:
I got accused of flirting in my last class. Lol, I hate the word flirting, bc for some reason it makes me feel gross. Urk, seriously someone should exterminate that word. But, hey I didn't even know I could flirt, so got something going for me. Lol. :P
something I looked forward to the next day:
tomorrow I get to eat grilled chicken!!! Yattta! It looks sooooo goood, I want to eat it now, but it's almost midnight and I've eaten too much! I should also be able to finish my study guide tomorrow, so yay for head start on hw!!! XD
something positive about that day:
a classmate of mine gave me bamboo. Lol, it was one of the sweetest things ever!! It wasn't even just a little bit either, it was a whole jar!! People like that really are just too sweet for this world. I wish I was better at socializing so I could give the person back something in return.
Got to see new episode of running man!! Running man always makes my day better!! Mmm, we had to do a group project thing in class today, but I'm glad the teacher assigned us to groups, since every time there's free choice it's awkward since I sit by myself. The group I was with was really nice. Idk if it was niceness out of politeness, but hey I'll take fake niceness over rude in my face meanness, since I have 2 more semesters with them.
Oh and when we reviewed the test, she enlarged it so I didn't have to move closer.
what I had accomplished:
I got accused of flirting in my last class. Lol, I hate the word flirting, bc for some reason it makes me feel gross. Urk, seriously someone should exterminate that word. But, hey I didn't even know I could flirt, so got something going for me. Lol. :P
something I looked forward to the next day:
tomorrow I get to eat grilled chicken!!! Yattta! It looks sooooo goood, I want to eat it now, but it's almost midnight and I've eaten too much! I should also be able to finish my study guide tomorrow, so yay for head start on hw!!! XD
Sunday, April 3, 2016
♬ We hide pain in the weirdest places Broken souls with smiling faces (´｡• ᵕ •｡`)
I'm just gonna talk a little about the concert yesterday. Got home around 2:30 A.M., lol and then went straight to sleep. TBH, I went to the concert to hang out with my friend, but it turned out my favorite part was the music. Lol, don't give me the 'duh' look. I know concerts are for the music, but my first thought when I got there was: I am NOT a concert person. It's loud. There's a lot of people. And I was completely ready to zone out and just deal with it and put it in the backburner of my memories. But...dang, hearing people play music live in front of thousands of people who were all gathered just to hear someone play/sing...it was kind of an amazing experience.
Anytime a group of people get together to do anything it makes me amazed. Granted it wasn't as organized as it could be, but well what can you do. Lol. We got there around 1ish but it didn't start until 5. We got good seats but I wonder if it was really necessary to get there so early, there weren't actually a lot of people this time. ...lol, I realized the portrayal of brothers and sisters in mangas where their relationship is misunderstood...it's totally understandable. It was just me my friend and her brother that went on the trip. Lol, I thought this was going to be good but the whole time it was like I was competing with her brother for her attention...it was the weirdest sensation. It felt like he was ignoring me the whole time...and wouldn't include me in conversations...man, it made me feel like that friend who tags along on a date. Lol, once again I'm reminded that 3 people...is just not a good arrangement. It's just all kinds of awkward. I mean sometimes it's good bc two people can be awkward if both of them aren't willing to talk but...most of the time, someone's gonna be an odd man out.
and man, I wore my contacts all day and I really shouldn't have bc I feel like my eyes got worse. The right side of my head(the right eye is the one with the worse vision) aches. I need to get lasik. IDK how to stop my eyes from getting worse. And I just went to the eye doctor too, so I feel like my new glasses are too weak...again...lol.
OH! and I got 3 cds. 1 from sidewalk prophets, their new cd, and one from stars go dim. Then my friend bought red's cd, but it was a 2 for 1 sale so she gave me one of hers!! That was so nice!! The shirts were a tad too expensive so I didn't spend anything there. I also got mcdonald's which I haven't gotten in a long time. It wasn't bad, but it's more expensive now than I remember. Lol, but I do have to say that I understand why people eat mcdonald's so often. Burgers and french fries are good.
something positive about that day:
I bought SO much fruit today!! Pineapple, kiwi, banana, blackberries, strawberries!! Wow, this week is gonna be yummy!!!! <3
And I bought chicken breasts so that I can grill them for the first time. I heard chicken is healthier than beef or pork.
what I had accomplished:
I finished 2 essays! 2 apa format 10 page papers! That's a HUGE accomplishment. Lol, bc one was assigned a week ago and the other 2 weeks ago. But at least I finished them!!
something I looked forward to the next day:
lol, I asked my brother and he said "nothing bc it's monday". lol, I really can't think of anything other than tomorrow will be the first hot day of the year. Which means I'm going to be getting darker. I'm not sure if I look better darker or lighter, but we'll see. I like the sun. (*¯︶¯*) but, I will have to admit, I like the snow more, but I like rain the best.
Anytime a group of people get together to do anything it makes me amazed. Granted it wasn't as organized as it could be, but well what can you do. Lol. We got there around 1ish but it didn't start until 5. We got good seats but I wonder if it was really necessary to get there so early, there weren't actually a lot of people this time. ...lol, I realized the portrayal of brothers and sisters in mangas where their relationship is misunderstood...it's totally understandable. It was just me my friend and her brother that went on the trip. Lol, I thought this was going to be good but the whole time it was like I was competing with her brother for her attention...it was the weirdest sensation. It felt like he was ignoring me the whole time...and wouldn't include me in conversations...man, it made me feel like that friend who tags along on a date. Lol, once again I'm reminded that 3 people...is just not a good arrangement. It's just all kinds of awkward. I mean sometimes it's good bc two people can be awkward if both of them aren't willing to talk but...most of the time, someone's gonna be an odd man out.
and man, I wore my contacts all day and I really shouldn't have bc I feel like my eyes got worse. The right side of my head(the right eye is the one with the worse vision) aches. I need to get lasik. IDK how to stop my eyes from getting worse. And I just went to the eye doctor too, so I feel like my new glasses are too weak...again...lol.
OH! and I got 3 cds. 1 from sidewalk prophets, their new cd, and one from stars go dim. Then my friend bought red's cd, but it was a 2 for 1 sale so she gave me one of hers!! That was so nice!! The shirts were a tad too expensive so I didn't spend anything there. I also got mcdonald's which I haven't gotten in a long time. It wasn't bad, but it's more expensive now than I remember. Lol, but I do have to say that I understand why people eat mcdonald's so often. Burgers and french fries are good.
something positive about that day:
I bought SO much fruit today!! Pineapple, kiwi, banana, blackberries, strawberries!! Wow, this week is gonna be yummy!!!! <3
And I bought chicken breasts so that I can grill them for the first time. I heard chicken is healthier than beef or pork.
what I had accomplished:
I finished 2 essays! 2 apa format 10 page papers! That's a HUGE accomplishment. Lol, bc one was assigned a week ago and the other 2 weeks ago. But at least I finished them!!
something I looked forward to the next day:
lol, I asked my brother and he said "nothing bc it's monday". lol, I really can't think of anything other than tomorrow will be the first hot day of the year. Which means I'm going to be getting darker. I'm not sure if I look better darker or lighter, but we'll see. I like the sun. (*¯︶¯*) but, I will have to admit, I like the snow more, but I like rain the best.
Saturday, April 2, 2016
♪ :) 'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops, what if your healing comes through tears
All through our lives we like to think that the good moments are what we look forward to. That all the bad things are just the memories that we should skip over. But really without the bad...the good times just aren't as sweet. It's the bad things that make us more grateful. It's the horrific things that make us more grateful. I'm not saying to always hope bad things happen to you or even trying to justify all of the bad things that happen to people. Because there are a lot of bad things and not all of them...most of them...when they happen to us, we find them to be...horrible, and we can't understand why something happens. We ask why me? We ask why now? But most of all we ask why does this happen at all? It does nobody any good and it only cause tears in the end...I don't have an answer to any of those questions and to be honest, I don't think that I'll ever have an answer bc it's out of my hand or rather I think it's out of human's hands. I can't ever say that I understand God(why he does things the way that he does but...it's not a bad thing) life is more than just one bad event or even multiple bad events. Life is filled with the good and the bad.
Something positive:
I got to hang out with someone that I havent seen in a while. It's been since Christmas. I don't really want to put a label bc labels don't really stuck for that long or maybe it's more that they're likely to change.
Something accomplished:
Hmmm...it's always hard to find something that I've done on weekends But well it's not like I've done nothing. I woke up. I breathed. I made another choice to continue on with my life when staying alive has always been...I'm not gonna lie, but a struggle. Haha, really today isn't confession day. But really...ah that's right. Today I chose to go outside and you know do people things...lol normal people things...at the very least it'll be a memory. Whether it turns out good or bad...well it'll be something that I can talk about in the future and it'll be something that I can pull from in my memory.
Something to look forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow is Sunday...so it should be my day of relaxing...but well that also mean that I have to do my hw, but that isn't all that bad either. I was planning to finish my he anyways. Maybe I can get a head start and then not have to be catching up later.
Something positive:
I got to hang out with someone that I havent seen in a while. It's been since Christmas. I don't really want to put a label bc labels don't really stuck for that long or maybe it's more that they're likely to change.
Something accomplished:
Hmmm...it's always hard to find something that I've done on weekends But well it's not like I've done nothing. I woke up. I breathed. I made another choice to continue on with my life when staying alive has always been...I'm not gonna lie, but a struggle. Haha, really today isn't confession day. But really...ah that's right. Today I chose to go outside and you know do people things...lol normal people things...at the very least it'll be a memory. Whether it turns out good or bad...well it'll be something that I can talk about in the future and it'll be something that I can pull from in my memory.
Something to look forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow is Sunday...so it should be my day of relaxing...but well that also mean that I have to do my hw, but that isn't all that bad either. I was planning to finish my he anyways. Maybe I can get a head start and then not have to be catching up later.
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