something positive about that day:
lol...oh my gosh, LOL. The greatest April Fool's prank ever!! A new manga came out and the translator's completely just put taylor swift lyrics in the bubbles, the best thing was that IT MADE SENSE!! Lol, they did such a good job! Ya'll know who you are!!! I wish I could copy and paste a link of it...but I'm not that high tech!! Gah, I forgot since it's my 12 hour day but HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!!!!!!!! LOl, I'm not good at pranks but when I was little my brother would put legos on top of doors and when I would close them, they would fall on me!! Lol, isn't he cute? <3 XD I remember one of my friends would wear a ring and then go around saying she had a boyfriend, but then when we all gasped and were all "No way! Is he cute?, and etc", she'd be all APRIL FOOLS! Lol, now she's married, sigh, times really do go by fast. And here I am still as single as a Komodo dragon, but hey, it's not like I've been actively pursuing the dating life.
Besides, who doesn't want to be a dragon????
Not that I'm confident I could get someone, but the dating life has eluded me for...many...many lol, it's scary putting the number of years but I'm still kicking and still loving chocolates. It's all good. It's ALLLLL GOOOOOD~Lol, now I'm imagining that guy dancing on that show...where God gives him the power of God and he misuses it to try to win the love of a woman whose love he had taken for granted.
Oh! And today I had rice! It was delicious! It was made with Chinese sausages and eggs and snow peas and asparagus and hey look at me! This should go under my accomplishments. I ate veggietables!!! Veggietables are good for you, they're good for me, but most of the time they taste gross, so go me!!
what I had accomplished:
I GOT THROUGH YET ANOTHER 12 HOUR DAY!!~ woop! woop! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!! Daebak. The day is so long and I always feel like I'm just standing around, but hey, hey hey! It's over and I survived and that's all that matters. And also, I the people were really nice, so it wasn't horrible. Also the teach for my Friday's is soooo chill that it's nice...I'm not gonna lie though. I avoid him. I duck and run everytime I see him. It's nothing personal against him, it's just I can't get along with teachers. I used to be teacher's pet in elementary, but when we started getting a bunch of teachers for about 7 periods a day, I...I lost the part of myself that wanted to be friends with the teacher. My attitude was kind of "well they have a zillion students a day, so why should I bother getting to know them, if I'll only be forgotten when a fresh new class comes up?" Lol and let me just say, this is not a dig on myself, but I'm really quite overlookable. Today when we were going to lunch, when we all got on the elevator one of my classmates was all ,"Hey is-insert my name-here?" And lol, I had literally just talked to her before she pressed the button. She even looked me in the eyes. Lol, I could be mad about it, but it's kind of sweet how she made sure I was there and not left behind. I mean it could have been worse. They could have left me behind. Lol. That would've been kind of funny too.
I wasn't very social today...urk, it felt like my body was drained. Sort of like some demon had come in the middle of the night and had been sucking on my life force...I didn't want to put in any effort, it just seemed...too pointless. Lol, but it's not like I just gave up, I tried. A couple times, and I did pretty good at some points in the day, but for some reason, my mouth doesn't open when I want it to. When I want to ask questions, usually the questions just replay over and over in my head as I try to convince my mouth to open and make words.
something I looked forward to the next day:
I'm suppose to be going to Winter Jam tomorrow, but I'll have to wake up ~9 to go. I'm not sure who's going...but, I don't wanna worry about it too much. I need to conserve my energy for the concert tomorrow. Lol. I'm not really a concert person, but I need to go to a super loud scream out your throat things bc they can be fun. 'Sides I haven't seen her in a while. Lol, this is the married friend. I always feel like I'm bothering her since she not only has a job but also a husband. Gah, she's living the life that all us adult's strive to achieve. Lol, I'll do my own thing. And keep doing my own thing so that I can retire early and then travel the world. I want to meet a best friend to do that with. Girl, guy. Idc. I just want someone to go with me and laugh and talk and take pictures and eat with. Lol, too bad I can't just put an ad in the paper for best friend. ☆ ～('▽^人) Kekeke, don't worry, I won't inflict the torture of being friends with me onto others. I'll just be myself and live my life. Through the good, the bad, the sad, the joy, and all that jazz bc while bad things will always come, good things will also always come! Lol, this positivity outlook is making my life seem shinier.
I JUST thought about it, but I can always pretend to be asleep if it ever gets to be too awkward. Lol, I don't know the other people, but I guess I should try. No harm, no foul. <(￣︶￣)> Lol, look at the smug face and tell me you're not grinning. Lol, even a little smile? Lol LOOK AT IT!!!
I used to have a twitter dedicated to all things I hated. Literally some posts just say "I hate this" or "I hate that" and ugh it was just a cesspool of darkness. Now it's like I'm writing in the sun. One of the biggest things I need to learn is how to laugh at myself. Sometimes what someone else says really triggers the insecure part of me and I know they're not saying it out of spite, but it still hurts.
Me also ate special dark Hershey's. That's my favorite. I love the bitterness combined with the sweetness, it's AMAZING!!!
Friday, April 1, 2016
Thursday, March 31, 2016
･*･:≡( ε:) He said each day's a gift and not a given right Leave no stone unturned, leave your fears behind ♬
...that moment when your brother says a curse word and you can't look at them the same bc you always thought he was so innocent...:((((( I'm not stupid, I've seen the websites he's been on and every other word is a cuss word...but...。゜゜(´Ｏ｀)°゜。. I think the reason it hits me so hard is bc this means he's...really not a kid anymore. o(TヘTo) lOl, I remember feeling this same way when my cousin said a cuss word out loud. The room just went silent and...I was all...did I hear that right? And I did. And ｡ﾟ･ (>﹏<) ･ﾟ｡. It's one of my unfortunately many things I don't like. I mean I'm surrounded by it, but I can't get myself to say any of the cuss words. It's...a turnoff for someone to excessively cuss; honestly, it makes me cringe.
something positive about that day:
Kids...are such precious sweethearts. I mean...really...how could you not love their precious little hearts? So shadowing today was a lot better than I had made it out to be. I had heard from several people about how the staff were "mean" but it wasn't really mean but more of a firm attitude. I mean if you ask a child to put up his toys nicely with a super smiley face he's gonna think you're joking. You have to show you're serious.
My mom made shrimp c rice! The rice are huge!! She got them from Texas and gosh they are so juicy and succulent...it's DELICIOUS!!
Lol...and one of the kids called me "pretty". (*≧ω≦*) Lol. Idc what anyone says, compliments from a kid are way better than a compliment from an adult.
One little girl actually kept hugging me but she was mostly nonverbal so it was difficult to decipher what she wanted. Lol, at one point she dressed up as a witch and she was the most adorable witch ever!!
Oh and the parking lot was small so I think I did a pretty good job parking decently. Let me just say, I'm not a good parker. I mean usually I can get inside the lines, but man sometimes my car is just too chunky. Lol and I was able to reverse successfully in such a small place. LEt me just say that, if possible, I would never reverse bc there's too much risk in an accidental hit.
what I had accomplished:
I...made conversation with the classmate. Lol, of course there were moments of silences, but one)at lunch when we sat in his car, the radio filled the silence, and two)the children talked enough that even if I'm quiet, it didn't seem bothersome. Also...I realized that I think I'm actually comfortable around him. I know this bc usually if I'm uncomfortable with a person, a silence will cause my brain to go into overdrive with thoughts like: oh man. Oh man, what do I talk about. Think! Think! Think!(lol, hoping for a Brain blast!!) What subject do normal people talk about? Huh? Brain? Think!. But if I'm comfortable with the person, I tend to trail off into my own thoughts and when the silence is broken then it's broken. Lol. And that's what happened today.
I also found that I tend to like older children more than smaller children. They can actually have a conversation with me and I'm not having to mindread their needs...which by the way, I am very bad at. I can talk with them and make friends(lol, kids are the best friends you could ever have!!) and...and just enjoy childhood innocence and energy again. (⌒‿⌒) Don't get me wrong, I'm still more of a one on one person, so teacher is definitely out of the question for a career. It was just nice, bc my shadow day was filled with playing with sweet children. Lol, some of them sweeter than others.
something I looked forward to the next day:
tomorrow is FRIDAY!! I have a 12 hour school day tomorrow, but it's FRIDAY!!!! Lol, Friday means an upcoming weekend baby!!! Weekends, whether I have to do stuff or not do stuff, are WEEKENDS and are meant for joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o(>ω<)o
something positive about that day:
Kids...are such precious sweethearts. I mean...really...how could you not love their precious little hearts? So shadowing today was a lot better than I had made it out to be. I had heard from several people about how the staff were "mean" but it wasn't really mean but more of a firm attitude. I mean if you ask a child to put up his toys nicely with a super smiley face he's gonna think you're joking. You have to show you're serious.
My mom made shrimp c rice! The rice are huge!! She got them from Texas and gosh they are so juicy and succulent...it's DELICIOUS!!
Lol...and one of the kids called me "pretty". (*≧ω≦*) Lol. Idc what anyone says, compliments from a kid are way better than a compliment from an adult.
One little girl actually kept hugging me but she was mostly nonverbal so it was difficult to decipher what she wanted. Lol, at one point she dressed up as a witch and she was the most adorable witch ever!!
Oh and the parking lot was small so I think I did a pretty good job parking decently. Let me just say, I'm not a good parker. I mean usually I can get inside the lines, but man sometimes my car is just too chunky. Lol and I was able to reverse successfully in such a small place. LEt me just say that, if possible, I would never reverse bc there's too much risk in an accidental hit.
what I had accomplished:
I...made conversation with the classmate. Lol, of course there were moments of silences, but one)at lunch when we sat in his car, the radio filled the silence, and two)the children talked enough that even if I'm quiet, it didn't seem bothersome. Also...I realized that I think I'm actually comfortable around him. I know this bc usually if I'm uncomfortable with a person, a silence will cause my brain to go into overdrive with thoughts like: oh man. Oh man, what do I talk about. Think! Think! Think!(lol, hoping for a Brain blast!!) What subject do normal people talk about? Huh? Brain? Think!. But if I'm comfortable with the person, I tend to trail off into my own thoughts and when the silence is broken then it's broken. Lol. And that's what happened today.
I also found that I tend to like older children more than smaller children. They can actually have a conversation with me and I'm not having to mindread their needs...which by the way, I am very bad at. I can talk with them and make friends(lol, kids are the best friends you could ever have!!) and...and just enjoy childhood innocence and energy again. (⌒‿⌒) Don't get me wrong, I'm still more of a one on one person, so teacher is definitely out of the question for a career. It was just nice, bc my shadow day was filled with playing with sweet children. Lol, some of them sweeter than others.
something I looked forward to the next day:
tomorrow is FRIDAY!! I have a 12 hour school day tomorrow, but it's FRIDAY!!!! Lol, Friday means an upcoming weekend baby!!! Weekends, whether I have to do stuff or not do stuff, are WEEKENDS and are meant for joy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! o(>ω<)o
Wednesday, March 30, 2016
♪（＾³＾）～♪ 'Cause in my castle I'm the freakin' man ♩
something positive about that day:
I got to sleep 10+ hours...lol, I think that's good but I'm not sure...lol. I feel refreshed. but when I get this much sleep I still feel kind of tired too. It was such a nice sleep bc there was thunder and rain and storms always make such a nice backdrop for sleeping.
I talked to this girl that was in my class today. Turns out she's in the same major as me. Hope I didn't freak her out. I just really want a friend in the class. And she looked like someone I could be friends with.
Idk why but some people just give me the vibe that they're similar to me and then I sort of just gravitate towards them, bc it's like YOU'RE LIKE ME! lol now I can't stop that saying from repeating in my head: ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US! LOL.
That's why I haven't been able to get along with people from my graduating class. The 3 people who I made friends with when I started this program...they failed out. And, now I only have 2 semesters left, and the people that are left...they all have their own groups already and it always feels like I'm intruding on them...and none of them give off the feel either. They don't have the vibe, so unfortunately I think I'm just gonna go solo these next 2 semesters. Lol, nothing new though. Gives me more time to work on my writing.
I walked to the parking lot with that guy today. Hmm...there were awkward silences yet again...but honestly, I think it helped me bc I think I do better with people that talk a lot. I've always liked having friends that do most of the conversations and I can listen. Bc, that's what I'm good at. I'm not a story teller.
I am a person who would rather have just one or two friends than a whole gang of them. And I would rather be home than go out. I do better in small groups. I don't want to be the person who's friends with everyone. I thought I did...but that's...that's not me. Lol, and I'm glad I'm starting to figure out who I am, and what I like. Bc it's exhausting to try to be someone you're not.
The quiet person...I think I'm okay with being that person. Other people may not be, but once I get to the point where I'm a 100% accepting of myself, I think they're opinions will stop mattering.
what I had accomplished:
Finally got to watch that Some korean movie that I've been meaning to watch! Lol, I watched it instead of doing hw...but it was a good movie!! Very thriller-ish! Even though I wanted a romance movie, it was still really good! I wished it was longer! <3 Lol, today was a very chill day...not that I'm complaining...but the page looks so bare...:P
something I looked forward to the next day:
I have an 8 hour day tomorrow. Tomorrow is my shadow day...I'm kind of worried, but not really. It should be an easy day...but we'll see. I hope the kids are nice. I like kids...it's just I can usually only deal with them one at a time. Maybe two...but then I feel like I don't give them enough attention. I'm a bit worried about who I have to go with. He and I aren't exactly friends. Just classmates...and we don't really talk...so I'm hoping I can have only a little awkward day instead of an insanely awkward day...lol. But whatever comes will come.
Seriously. Today was like my dream life. I sleep. I eat. I walk a little bit. I watch dramas. I read manga. Done. Seriously. If I could get paid to just do that...I would be so~ happy.
I got to sleep 10+ hours...lol, I think that's good but I'm not sure...lol. I feel refreshed. but when I get this much sleep I still feel kind of tired too. It was such a nice sleep bc there was thunder and rain and storms always make such a nice backdrop for sleeping.
I talked to this girl that was in my class today. Turns out she's in the same major as me. Hope I didn't freak her out. I just really want a friend in the class. And she looked like someone I could be friends with.
Idk why but some people just give me the vibe that they're similar to me and then I sort of just gravitate towards them, bc it's like YOU'RE LIKE ME! lol now I can't stop that saying from repeating in my head: ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US! LOL.
That's why I haven't been able to get along with people from my graduating class. The 3 people who I made friends with when I started this program...they failed out. And, now I only have 2 semesters left, and the people that are left...they all have their own groups already and it always feels like I'm intruding on them...and none of them give off the feel either. They don't have the vibe, so unfortunately I think I'm just gonna go solo these next 2 semesters. Lol, nothing new though. Gives me more time to work on my writing.
I walked to the parking lot with that guy today. Hmm...there were awkward silences yet again...but honestly, I think it helped me bc I think I do better with people that talk a lot. I've always liked having friends that do most of the conversations and I can listen. Bc, that's what I'm good at. I'm not a story teller.
I am a person who would rather have just one or two friends than a whole gang of them. And I would rather be home than go out. I do better in small groups. I don't want to be the person who's friends with everyone. I thought I did...but that's...that's not me. Lol, and I'm glad I'm starting to figure out who I am, and what I like. Bc it's exhausting to try to be someone you're not.
The quiet person...I think I'm okay with being that person. Other people may not be, but once I get to the point where I'm a 100% accepting of myself, I think they're opinions will stop mattering.
what I had accomplished:
Finally got to watch that Some korean movie that I've been meaning to watch! Lol, I watched it instead of doing hw...but it was a good movie!! Very thriller-ish! Even though I wanted a romance movie, it was still really good! I wished it was longer! <3 Lol, today was a very chill day...not that I'm complaining...but the page looks so bare...:P
something I looked forward to the next day:
I have an 8 hour day tomorrow. Tomorrow is my shadow day...I'm kind of worried, but not really. It should be an easy day...but we'll see. I hope the kids are nice. I like kids...it's just I can usually only deal with them one at a time. Maybe two...but then I feel like I don't give them enough attention. I'm a bit worried about who I have to go with. He and I aren't exactly friends. Just classmates...and we don't really talk...so I'm hoping I can have only a little awkward day instead of an insanely awkward day...lol. But whatever comes will come.
Seriously. Today was like my dream life. I sleep. I eat. I walk a little bit. I watch dramas. I read manga. Done. Seriously. If I could get paid to just do that...I would be so~ happy.
Tuesday, March 29, 2016
♫ And you're a cherry blossom You're about to bloom ✲ﾟ｡.(✿╹◡╹)ﾉ☆.｡₀:*ﾟ✲ﾟ*:₀｡
You're beautiful. I don't care if you're a boy or girl or whatever. You were carefully constructed, every cell, every bone, every organ, every body part, every single part of you. You're made of trillions of little cells that work hard each day so that you can talk, can breathe, can listen, can hear, can smell, can think, can walk, so that you can live. That's like a trillion little people inside you working together. Having that many people work together for a cause is a miracle. You are a miracle. Your heart beats ~115,200 times a day!! 100000+ times!!! And get this, you don't even have to think about it. It does it by itself, because you were meant to be alive. You were nothing but a little itty bitty baby once, and now you've grown with your own thoughts, and feelings, and memories, and experiences, and dreams, and wishes, and all I want is for you to be happy. That's all I want for anybody. I don't care if you're bad, have done bad things, have done unforgivable things, have done things that you'll regret for the rest of your life, or if you've always done the right thing, I don't care about any of that. I don't have any right to judge any of that. I just want you to be happy. Isn't that all anyone ever wants? When it comes down to it. All the stuff that we are greedy for: love, lust, money, friends, family, stuff...all of it is because we want to be happy. And I know, I know, bad stuff happens in life. Tragic, horrific, stuff that should never, never, ever, happen, but it does. And it breaks us down until we are literally on the floor, crouched in fetal position and wondering what on Earth are we doing here? Why are we even alive? If this pain means being alive, then I don't want it. But DON'T BE DECEIVED. We're humans. We were gifted with a memory, a heart, and a soul that heals with time. We all want the same thing...so why are we hurting each other? It doesn't help anyone. When has saying mean things ever been good? There is hope. Hang in there. Besides...when someone insults you...nothing is more fun than complimenting them in exchange. Because then they're like 〈(゜。゜) lol. Spread love, not hate. Spread kindness, not meanness. °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° lol, actually that emoji looks kinda insane...lol w/e we're all a little messed up anyways. But always remember, IT'S OKAY.
And I'm not saying you have to become a saint...just don't become someone's worst nightmare.
oop, it's past midnight, again. Sorry I just...I'm tired of seeing stories about kids, people, being bullied...just why, why, would you do something like that? And people who comment with insults and derogatory remarks. Sick of stories of people killing each other. Why we gotta be hatin on each other. We all humans. We all got beating hearts. We all gonna be dead in the end. So why waste time, energy, on negativity?
grrr...I'm glad I can write out all of my thoughts. I gots a lot of 'em.
something positive about that day:
I got my glasses adjusted!! Lol, but I think they're falling down again...the lady said it had something to do with it being plastic lenses. :(. But! I have a certain hairstyle that actually looks go~od with it. Or at least I think looks good with it~And that's all that matters~Like I said, I'm starting to look in the mirror and being happy with what I see, it's weird bc I've been hating on myself for a while, so it's also really satisfying. Yay!(*˙︶˙*)☆*°
Oh I also got invited to go to winter jam with a childhood friend. I haven't seen her since...lol, Christmas. So it's been a while. Like I said, I'm bad at keep contact with people. I'm working on the whole socialization, but at a sloth's pace mind you. It's still progress. I responded early to the text instead of waiting a whole day like I usually day. Texting is so awkward for me. Lol nvm, everything is awkward for me, but I'll do it eventually. And as long as I've done it, even if it's bad, or awkward, I put it in my full effort, and I can sleep at night.
what I had accomplished:
Poo. lol, not literally, well maybe. But interesting but possibly disgusting fact. Diarrhea, if it hurts, it's because of the acidity. I mean if you think about it, it shouldn't hurt since it's mostly water, but man...it's like lava, dude. It freaking burns. Lol, sorry too personal and too disgusting.
Oh! I wrote a page for one of my past fanfiction Inuyasha ideas. I haven't written in a while, and it was nice to continue with my ideas and see the words fill up the pages and the story start to unfold.
Oh and I also learned about how glasses and contacts DO NOT make your eyes worse. No matter their prescription. The reason eyes get worse is because of strain. Our eyes get tired when the prescription is too weak or too strong, but the eyes are amazing, so they always adjust. Oh! Like that glasses that makes the world look upside down. Our eyes can even adjust to that. And then when we take the glasses of they adjust back to the real world. Lol, they cool like that. And the 20/20 rule thing. I'm trying to do that. Because eyes get dry looking at the computer screen all the time without blinking. So for every 20 minutes I look away for 20 seconds. idk if it'll work, but can't hurt to try. lol, can't have my eyes getting worse, they precious!!
something I looked forward to the next day:
hmmmmm....I only have 1 class tomorrow and its at night so I get to sleeeeep iinnnn!!!! Yay!!! I love sleep. It's my best friend. (≖ᴗ≖๑) hehehe
and remember...YOU'RE A CHERRY BLOSSOM! YOU'RE ABOUT TO BLOOM!!! LOL, for all I know you could already be blooming!!! (❍❛‿❛❍❋) ❀.(*´◡`*)❀. So either way, YAY YOU!! YAY ME! YAY EVERYBODY!!!! Have good dreams. Live your dreams. Be someone else's dreams. Dream new dreams when you've achieved your old dreams. Just keep on dreaming...lol, but don't forget to live. XD
lol, sorry I'm full of cheesy quotes and inspirational(or are they?) comments today.
And I'm not saying you have to become a saint...just don't become someone's worst nightmare.
oop, it's past midnight, again. Sorry I just...I'm tired of seeing stories about kids, people, being bullied...just why, why, would you do something like that? And people who comment with insults and derogatory remarks. Sick of stories of people killing each other. Why we gotta be hatin on each other. We all humans. We all got beating hearts. We all gonna be dead in the end. So why waste time, energy, on negativity?
grrr...I'm glad I can write out all of my thoughts. I gots a lot of 'em.
something positive about that day:
I got my glasses adjusted!! Lol, but I think they're falling down again...the lady said it had something to do with it being plastic lenses. :(. But! I have a certain hairstyle that actually looks go~od with it. Or at least I think looks good with it~And that's all that matters~Like I said, I'm starting to look in the mirror and being happy with what I see, it's weird bc I've been hating on myself for a while, so it's also really satisfying. Yay!(*˙︶˙*)☆*°
Oh I also got invited to go to winter jam with a childhood friend. I haven't seen her since...lol, Christmas. So it's been a while. Like I said, I'm bad at keep contact with people. I'm working on the whole socialization, but at a sloth's pace mind you. It's still progress. I responded early to the text instead of waiting a whole day like I usually day. Texting is so awkward for me. Lol nvm, everything is awkward for me, but I'll do it eventually. And as long as I've done it, even if it's bad, or awkward, I put it in my full effort, and I can sleep at night.
what I had accomplished:
Poo. lol, not literally, well maybe. But interesting but possibly disgusting fact. Diarrhea, if it hurts, it's because of the acidity. I mean if you think about it, it shouldn't hurt since it's mostly water, but man...it's like lava, dude. It freaking burns. Lol, sorry too personal and too disgusting.
Oh! I wrote a page for one of my past fanfiction Inuyasha ideas. I haven't written in a while, and it was nice to continue with my ideas and see the words fill up the pages and the story start to unfold.
Oh and I also learned about how glasses and contacts DO NOT make your eyes worse. No matter their prescription. The reason eyes get worse is because of strain. Our eyes get tired when the prescription is too weak or too strong, but the eyes are amazing, so they always adjust. Oh! Like that glasses that makes the world look upside down. Our eyes can even adjust to that. And then when we take the glasses of they adjust back to the real world. Lol, they cool like that. And the 20/20 rule thing. I'm trying to do that. Because eyes get dry looking at the computer screen all the time without blinking. So for every 20 minutes I look away for 20 seconds. idk if it'll work, but can't hurt to try. lol, can't have my eyes getting worse, they precious!!
something I looked forward to the next day:
hmmmmm....I only have 1 class tomorrow and its at night so I get to sleeeeep iinnnn!!!! Yay!!! I love sleep. It's my best friend. (≖ᴗ≖๑) hehehe
and remember...YOU'RE A CHERRY BLOSSOM! YOU'RE ABOUT TO BLOOM!!! LOL, for all I know you could already be blooming!!! (❍❛‿❛❍❋) ❀.(*´◡`*)❀. So either way, YAY YOU!! YAY ME! YAY EVERYBODY!!!! Have good dreams. Live your dreams. Be someone else's dreams. Dream new dreams when you've achieved your old dreams. Just keep on dreaming...lol, but don't forget to live. XD
lol, sorry I'm full of cheesy quotes and inspirational(or are they?) comments today.
Monday, March 28, 2016
🎼 Wait, I'm wrong Should have done better than this Please, I'll be strong ♪ ( ᐛ )و
I'm seriously running on ~2 hours of sleep right now and so all I really want to do is fall asleep. I was gonna take a nap now in my car before my next class started but it's sooo hot, I think I would have suffocated in the car(even with the windows rolled down). I'm actually writing at school right now, bc I'm not sure if I'll be able to stay awake once I get home. It's been a loo~oong first day back. I can't believe I forgot I had a test; lol, so last night into this morning until 5 o'clock(let me remind you in the morning!) was spent cramming my brain as much as possible. And then I tried to concentrate in class to study, but I was holding in my cough...I think I got this other kid sick, so I didn't want to cough, bc then the kid'll remember it was me that gave her the cough...lol, does that even make sense??
Anyways, but since the teacher "trusts" us and stuff so we don't have to ask to go to the bathroom, I really just wanted to get up and go cough in the bathroom where I wouldn't bother anyone, but for some reason all of today, the teacher sat behind me and lectured ALL THROUGHOUT CLASS!!! And, I have anxiety, so I could never find a good time to stand up and open the door(it makes a loud click and people ALWAYS stare), so I spent the whole class concentrating on keeping my cough inside, but that's not good bc then it was hard to breath and the mucus made my breathing wheezy and so finally we had a break and so that's when I coughed. Lol, but the point was that I didn't get any cramming in after I went to sleep.
I went into that test blind and came out dazed. But...I think I did the math before and I can afford to fail a test(just not epically fail it(which I'm afraid I did)). But, if I do, then I have to seriously do well on the other tests. I'm kind of mad at myself bc I totally knew it's systolic/diastolic but for some reason I kept questioning myself!!! (*￣m￣) This happened with the last test too. On the basic questions, I question whether if I really know what I know and I always end up getting it wrong...lol, I need to stop thinking on tests!
It was hard to fall asleep too, bc I couldn't remember what time my class was, so I tried to search for it on my phone, but the school's website won't work on mobile devices. So I sat there, thinking, surely I wrote down the right time to take the test. But then...when I closed my eyes, I couldn't sleep. My eyes wouldn't stay shut even though my brain was all SLEEEP NOW, YOU'LL HAVE 2.5 H OF SLEEP IF YOU JUST FALL ASLEEP NOW. That continued on until, if I seriously didn't fall asleep then I would only have 2 hours of sleep left. So I just got up. Went to the living room to get my laptop and looked up the website again. I was right...lol. I seriously don't trust myself.
So with that clear, I went to sleep. (´〜｀*) zzzzz Only to have that BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP wake me up. Lol, I turned it off. I swear I just closed my eyes and then BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Lol, I turned it off again. This happened until it was 7. I had actually set 5 alarm clocks that night bc I knew that if I didn't I would have overslept. I seriously was sleeping until that last alarm. My eyes have never looked so bloodshot as they have this morning.
I swear I could have been the poster child for drugs. Not only that, but I put on my sunscreen and it paled me out so bad, I seriously looked like a vampire...with bloodshot eyes(and not a hot one). And my hair was doing this antigravity defying thing and...I finally just looked in the mirror and said: You sit in the back...no one's gonna look at you anyways, so MOVE IT!
Today was actually the closest I had cut to being late to class. I ran from the parking lot up those stupid stairs(jk, it makes me feel a sense of accomplishment every time I take the stairs bc I know I'm doing my body good!). Lol, and I wasn't even late. Man, sometimes I just thank God for being on my side. I swear I hit every red light, was behind every slow driver that was out there. Not only that...passengers have the right of way always, but these kids...they can't drive to save their lives. I'd rather not get run over so if a car doesn't look like it's gonna stop even though I need to cross, I just stand there and let it go. LET IT GOOOO~~~
something positive:
Yesterday was one of my friend's birthday. So last night(when I should have been studying) I was preparing a gift. Part of the gift was that I promised to give a piece of my brother's cookie cake. This was SO HARD TO DO. My brother has been guarding that thing with his life. Every time I tell him, he should eat less to savor it, he just hisses at me and is "IT'S MINE! I DO WHAT I WANT!!". lOL, it' hilarious, but I didn't want to go back on my promise. I feel bad, but in return I told him I wouldn't eat any of the cake. He kind of glared at me, but there's still a chunk(a small chunk) left. So this morning I cut a little piece and put it as part of the present. It's nice having a little brother. Lol, all siblings are jewels. (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ* So anyways, what I wanted to say was that giving gifts is really nice.
It makes me happy to give things. Lol. It's just hard when you have nothing to give. And I can't stand when someone opens the present from me, in front of me...lol, it's so awkward for some reason. But, there were no complaints. Everything went well, and seriously it puts me in the mood for Christmas!!!!!!! (๑^ں^๑)
Um, so something from yesterday that I forgot to put in...I watched the Macau episode of running man and it was seriously THE BEST EPISODE EVER!!! They did bungee jumping and every time someone jumped, I got goose pimples. It was SOOOO AMAZING!!! I told my brother I would do that if I was there. He said the only way I would do it is if he pushed me. Lol, and he said he would!!! (.=^・ェ・^=) Lol, at least I would have bungee jumped. They were all so brave and seriously made me have the feels again for running man. I love that show soooo much. I get to watch the new episode today too!! And the new episode of WGM china(c eng subs) with song ji hyo+chen bolin is supposed to be out today!!!!! So I may splurge and watch both today when I get home!!!! YAYYY!!!!
something accomplished:
I got 12,466 steps in today!!! And the day isn't even over yet!!! ♡✧( ु•⌄• ). I'm quite sure that's a record for me. So WOOT WOOT!! And this post today...I might as well have wrote a novel. I had a lot to rant. Oh and I want to say to the past me. DUDE, YOU ROCK AT WRITING. In my last class(teach is pretty chill but she basically just reads the powerpoints so paying attention is pointless), so I was going through my google drive and reading some of my old fanfiction(never posted), and dude, I freaking had golden ideas. The only problem was that none of them were ever finished. They were literally just snippets of amazing plots. I want to finish them and make them stories someday. I love writing SOO much. Man I'm proud of myself for preparing the gift though. I mean I'm a pretty lazy person, but wait now that I think about it...I could have just spent my time on the gift bc I was procrastinating on hw...lol. W/e.
The steps actually came from me walking to the optometrist. It was about an hour walk to and back. Traffic was ridiculous with the little walking man sign never showing up. I even pressed it a couple times bc it felt like it was taking too long. And they don't leave the walking sign on for very long. I'm already a slow person, but I had to job across and even then it was blinking don't walk when I was only halfway across the street. It wasn't too hot though so it was a nice walk. Glad they have sidewalks!!!
Got my glasses and they fit when I put them on at the office, but I just tried them on again and they keep sliding off my face :( They're stylish though!!! :P lol or should I say nerdy? They remind me of the past me...it's nice. and like I said contacts kill my freaking eyes. Though I don't know if the prescription is right considering I wore my contacts when I went to get them, so contacts+glasses=blurry world. Lol, but still clearer than if I didn't wear either. (*⌒▽⌒*)θ～♪
something to look forward to tomorrow:
I think I'm picking my friend up tomorrow so I get to talk to her since I haven't during all of spring break. Lol. Like I said I'm bad at communication. I can go years without calling/texting a friend but if we meet up, it'll be like the years we hadn't been meeting never even happened. I don't know why it's like that...
And I'll probably walk to the eye doctor place tomorrow again to get my glasses fixed, bc I can't wear them like this. They'll just keep sliding off and become broken. So yay, healthy me!!! (^▽^)/ ʸᵉᔆᵎ
Ⓗⓐⓟⓟⓨヾ(◍’౪`◍)ﾉﾞ
Anyways, but since the teacher "trusts" us and stuff so we don't have to ask to go to the bathroom, I really just wanted to get up and go cough in the bathroom where I wouldn't bother anyone, but for some reason all of today, the teacher sat behind me and lectured ALL THROUGHOUT CLASS!!! And, I have anxiety, so I could never find a good time to stand up and open the door(it makes a loud click and people ALWAYS stare), so I spent the whole class concentrating on keeping my cough inside, but that's not good bc then it was hard to breath and the mucus made my breathing wheezy and so finally we had a break and so that's when I coughed. Lol, but the point was that I didn't get any cramming in after I went to sleep.
I went into that test blind and came out dazed. But...I think I did the math before and I can afford to fail a test(just not epically fail it(which I'm afraid I did)). But, if I do, then I have to seriously do well on the other tests. I'm kind of mad at myself bc I totally knew it's systolic/diastolic but for some reason I kept questioning myself!!! (*￣m￣) This happened with the last test too. On the basic questions, I question whether if I really know what I know and I always end up getting it wrong...lol, I need to stop thinking on tests!
It was hard to fall asleep too, bc I couldn't remember what time my class was, so I tried to search for it on my phone, but the school's website won't work on mobile devices. So I sat there, thinking, surely I wrote down the right time to take the test. But then...when I closed my eyes, I couldn't sleep. My eyes wouldn't stay shut even though my brain was all SLEEEP NOW, YOU'LL HAVE 2.5 H OF SLEEP IF YOU JUST FALL ASLEEP NOW. That continued on until, if I seriously didn't fall asleep then I would only have 2 hours of sleep left. So I just got up. Went to the living room to get my laptop and looked up the website again. I was right...lol. I seriously don't trust myself.
So with that clear, I went to sleep. (´〜｀*) zzzzz Only to have that BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP wake me up. Lol, I turned it off. I swear I just closed my eyes and then BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Lol, I turned it off again. This happened until it was 7. I had actually set 5 alarm clocks that night bc I knew that if I didn't I would have overslept. I seriously was sleeping until that last alarm. My eyes have never looked so bloodshot as they have this morning.
I swear I could have been the poster child for drugs. Not only that, but I put on my sunscreen and it paled me out so bad, I seriously looked like a vampire...with bloodshot eyes(and not a hot one). And my hair was doing this antigravity defying thing and...I finally just looked in the mirror and said: You sit in the back...no one's gonna look at you anyways, so MOVE IT!
Today was actually the closest I had cut to being late to class. I ran from the parking lot up those stupid stairs(jk, it makes me feel a sense of accomplishment every time I take the stairs bc I know I'm doing my body good!). Lol, and I wasn't even late. Man, sometimes I just thank God for being on my side. I swear I hit every red light, was behind every slow driver that was out there. Not only that...passengers have the right of way always, but these kids...they can't drive to save their lives. I'd rather not get run over so if a car doesn't look like it's gonna stop even though I need to cross, I just stand there and let it go. LET IT GOOOO~~~
something positive:
Yesterday was one of my friend's birthday. So last night(when I should have been studying) I was preparing a gift. Part of the gift was that I promised to give a piece of my brother's cookie cake. This was SO HARD TO DO. My brother has been guarding that thing with his life. Every time I tell him, he should eat less to savor it, he just hisses at me and is "IT'S MINE! I DO WHAT I WANT!!". lOL, it' hilarious, but I didn't want to go back on my promise. I feel bad, but in return I told him I wouldn't eat any of the cake. He kind of glared at me, but there's still a chunk(a small chunk) left. So this morning I cut a little piece and put it as part of the present. It's nice having a little brother. Lol, all siblings are jewels. (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ* So anyways, what I wanted to say was that giving gifts is really nice.
It makes me happy to give things. Lol. It's just hard when you have nothing to give. And I can't stand when someone opens the present from me, in front of me...lol, it's so awkward for some reason. But, there were no complaints. Everything went well, and seriously it puts me in the mood for Christmas!!!!!!! (๑^ں^๑)
Um, so something from yesterday that I forgot to put in...I watched the Macau episode of running man and it was seriously THE BEST EPISODE EVER!!! They did bungee jumping and every time someone jumped, I got goose pimples. It was SOOOO AMAZING!!! I told my brother I would do that if I was there. He said the only way I would do it is if he pushed me. Lol, and he said he would!!! (.=^・ェ・^=) Lol, at least I would have bungee jumped. They were all so brave and seriously made me have the feels again for running man. I love that show soooo much. I get to watch the new episode today too!! And the new episode of WGM china(c eng subs) with song ji hyo+chen bolin is supposed to be out today!!!!! So I may splurge and watch both today when I get home!!!! YAYYY!!!!
something accomplished:
I got 12,466 steps in today!!! And the day isn't even over yet!!! ♡✧( ु•⌄• ). I'm quite sure that's a record for me. So WOOT WOOT!! And this post today...I might as well have wrote a novel. I had a lot to rant. Oh and I want to say to the past me. DUDE, YOU ROCK AT WRITING. In my last class(teach is pretty chill but she basically just reads the powerpoints so paying attention is pointless), so I was going through my google drive and reading some of my old fanfiction(never posted), and dude, I freaking had golden ideas. The only problem was that none of them were ever finished. They were literally just snippets of amazing plots. I want to finish them and make them stories someday. I love writing SOO much. Man I'm proud of myself for preparing the gift though. I mean I'm a pretty lazy person, but wait now that I think about it...I could have just spent my time on the gift bc I was procrastinating on hw...lol. W/e.
The steps actually came from me walking to the optometrist. It was about an hour walk to and back. Traffic was ridiculous with the little walking man sign never showing up. I even pressed it a couple times bc it felt like it was taking too long. And they don't leave the walking sign on for very long. I'm already a slow person, but I had to job across and even then it was blinking don't walk when I was only halfway across the street. It wasn't too hot though so it was a nice walk. Glad they have sidewalks!!!
Got my glasses and they fit when I put them on at the office, but I just tried them on again and they keep sliding off my face :( They're stylish though!!! :P lol or should I say nerdy? They remind me of the past me...it's nice. and like I said contacts kill my freaking eyes. Though I don't know if the prescription is right considering I wore my contacts when I went to get them, so contacts+glasses=blurry world. Lol, but still clearer than if I didn't wear either. (*⌒▽⌒*)θ～♪
something to look forward to tomorrow:
I think I'm picking my friend up tomorrow so I get to talk to her since I haven't during all of spring break. Lol. Like I said I'm bad at communication. I can go years without calling/texting a friend but if we meet up, it'll be like the years we hadn't been meeting never even happened. I don't know why it's like that...
And I'll probably walk to the eye doctor place tomorrow again to get my glasses fixed, bc I can't wear them like this. They'll just keep sliding off and become broken. So yay, healthy me!!! (^▽^)/ ʸᵉᔆᵎ
Ⓗⓐⓟⓟⓨヾ(◍’౪`◍)ﾉﾞ
Sunday, March 27, 2016
♫ When you've been fighting for it all your life You've been struggling to make things right ♡ ～('▽^人)
That's how a superhero learns to fly ♫
(Every day, every hour,
Turn the pain into power)
Seriously, all the lyrics in the song is SO good, it was hard to pick just a couple lines.
something positive about that day:
I GOT FREE STUFF!!! It's so nice having a nice relative. My aunt just got back from California and guess what she brought????? SOUVENIRS!! OR BETTER KNOWN AS FREE STUFF!!!! I love anything free. Lol, I love stuff in general. So when I get free stuff, it just makes my world. And it doesn't even have to be anything big. Give me a free pencil and you've had made my day.
I also got pizza today. And sausage in hot dog buns. It was for dinner. It was goo~ood. :O XD I also showered today. Lol, that doesn't sound huge, but it's been two days. So I feel clean and ready to face school tomorrow!!(Bring it on school!!! Lol...no please go easy on me since it's my first day back in a while). Oh, I also flossed. Man there was a lot of nasty gunk in my teeth. I need to start wearing my retainer too. Otherwise my teeth are going to be outta line again.
what I had accomplished:
I...lol. will be back to update bc I'm working on my hw rn. Update! 2 hours later~ FINALLY, I finished that stupid essay. I finished my discussion the night before. So all I have left is studying. I forgot I had a test tomorrow. Lol, so I have no other choice than to cram at this point. I'm writing early today bc I'll probably forget later.
something I looked forward to the next day:
Tomorrow is SCHOOOOOOOOLLLLL. We all know how much people look forward to that ＼(º □ º l|l)/...but tomorrow I also got the call to pick up mis nuevos lentes(err, did I do that right?)! I think I'm going to "try" and walk there if I can from the school to the eye place bc me needs to work out...we'll see. But, then yay! I won't have to wear these dry eyeing contacts anymore!!!!!! And I can wear my glasses at home and walk around and get my nerd on~
♫ 'Cause he's stronger than you know
A heart of steel starts to grow ♫
Saturday, March 26, 2016
Got me singin' like Na na na na everyday ♪ ヽ(o´∀`)ﾉ♪♬
something positive about that day:
Oh! I recorded Mulan, watched it, and then danced at 3 in the morning in the living room to Make a Man out of you. It was AWESOME. My choreography was on point. ⁽⁽◝( • ω • )◜⁾⁾ I also read an instagram post about how basically everyday you should choose wisely what you wear bc that could be the outfit you die in(morbid...but ya know). So when I went out today(shocker! Yes, I saw the sun and greeted hello), I actually contemplated outfits...and I got to say, I was looking go~oood today. Instead of flinching when I saw myself in the mall mirrors, I had to take a second look, bc hey, I didn't look like a trashcan, I looked like an average human. LOl, it was a nice change bc usually I cringe when I see myself in those mirrors.
This is good bc bad self esteem will get me nowhere. So baby steps, but one day I want to be comfortable with the person I see in the mirror. Lol, but not too obsessed like Narcissus. Moderation, man, moderation.
And! I found some hats that actually fit my head. Now this is amazing, bc my head is the size of jupiter. Really, hats have never been my friend and I found some fabulous hats. I didn't buy them though bc 20$ for a hat is just ridiculous, just nice to know that there are hats out there that are flattering for my head.
I also found my brother's Christmas present!! So my brother has always wanted a dog. Or a cat. Or a hamster...lol, really any pet will do. But my parents don't like pets bc...they tend to go from outside to inside and make the house "dirty". So while shopping today, I found doggy slippers! And they were only 4$!!! That's crazy! I've never found slippers to be so cheap! And they were so freaking soft!! Like a teddy bear and when I tried them on...IT WAS LIKE WALKING ON CLOUDS!!!! Not that I've ever done that before, but I'm sure that's what it would feel like! Or well I guess you would fall through the cloud since it's just air...Agh, shut up logical side of my brain! IT FELT LIKE CLOUDS!! (｀ε´)
what I had accomplished:
lol, what did I do today? OOOHH, I went shopping today! I found ma sunscreen. Ha! Sun! Try and burn me now!...that was a joke. Please don't burn me. I WILL DIE. Literally. And found some awesome bargains. Got 5 items for count it, 15 dollars! Bam. That's ~3$ an item. Talk about feeling accomplished. I get a rush from buying things that are on sale. It makes me feel like I beat the system. Like I'm sticking it to the man. Lol. I never really went through a rebellious phase, but more like as the years go on, I do random rebellious acts...and then feel sorry for being rebellious. Lol.
Oh, I came upon that epiphany today too. I'm a late bloomer. A re~ally late bloomer. Either that or, I started off super mature and am now regressing...I'm stuck between the two theories. Lol, I seem to be getting a lot of epiphanies these days. Hmm. Brain's working overtime.
something I looked forward to the next day:
Getting my butt in gear to do some serious hw. Hoot hoot! Seriously. I'm gonna be more productive tomorrow than I have the who~le spring break...lol, which actually isn't that hard to do considering just how inactive I've been. And being productive is good, bc it gives me sense of accomplishment. Accomplishment makes me feel like a human being...lol, instead of a potato.
Me: ARE YOU SCARED OF THE TRUTH? WELL ARE YOU?!!??
Bro: How can I be scared when I can't even remember the truth? -deadpan-
Dude. Seriously. My brother...he says the best stuff. I'm gonna write a story just based on that 2 sentence convo. I can already see a story playing out in my head. __φ(。。)
Oh! I recorded Mulan, watched it, and then danced at 3 in the morning in the living room to Make a Man out of you. It was AWESOME. My choreography was on point. ⁽⁽◝( • ω • )◜⁾⁾ I also read an instagram post about how basically everyday you should choose wisely what you wear bc that could be the outfit you die in(morbid...but ya know). So when I went out today(shocker! Yes, I saw the sun and greeted hello), I actually contemplated outfits...and I got to say, I was looking go~oood today. Instead of flinching when I saw myself in the mall mirrors, I had to take a second look, bc hey, I didn't look like a trashcan, I looked like an average human. LOl, it was a nice change bc usually I cringe when I see myself in those mirrors.
This is good bc bad self esteem will get me nowhere. So baby steps, but one day I want to be comfortable with the person I see in the mirror. Lol, but not too obsessed like Narcissus. Moderation, man, moderation.
And! I found some hats that actually fit my head. Now this is amazing, bc my head is the size of jupiter. Really, hats have never been my friend and I found some fabulous hats. I didn't buy them though bc 20$ for a hat is just ridiculous, just nice to know that there are hats out there that are flattering for my head.
I also found my brother's Christmas present!! So my brother has always wanted a dog. Or a cat. Or a hamster...lol, really any pet will do. But my parents don't like pets bc...they tend to go from outside to inside and make the house "dirty". So while shopping today, I found doggy slippers! And they were only 4$!!! That's crazy! I've never found slippers to be so cheap! And they were so freaking soft!! Like a teddy bear and when I tried them on...IT WAS LIKE WALKING ON CLOUDS!!!! Not that I've ever done that before, but I'm sure that's what it would feel like! Or well I guess you would fall through the cloud since it's just air...Agh, shut up logical side of my brain! IT FELT LIKE CLOUDS!! (｀ε´)
what I had accomplished:
lol, what did I do today? OOOHH, I went shopping today! I found ma sunscreen. Ha! Sun! Try and burn me now!...that was a joke. Please don't burn me. I WILL DIE. Literally. And found some awesome bargains. Got 5 items for count it, 15 dollars! Bam. That's ~3$ an item. Talk about feeling accomplished. I get a rush from buying things that are on sale. It makes me feel like I beat the system. Like I'm sticking it to the man. Lol. I never really went through a rebellious phase, but more like as the years go on, I do random rebellious acts...and then feel sorry for being rebellious. Lol.
Oh, I came upon that epiphany today too. I'm a late bloomer. A re~ally late bloomer. Either that or, I started off super mature and am now regressing...I'm stuck between the two theories. Lol, I seem to be getting a lot of epiphanies these days. Hmm. Brain's working overtime.
something I looked forward to the next day:
Getting my butt in gear to do some serious hw. Hoot hoot! Seriously. I'm gonna be more productive tomorrow than I have the who~le spring break...lol, which actually isn't that hard to do considering just how inactive I've been. And being productive is good, bc it gives me sense of accomplishment. Accomplishment makes me feel like a human being...lol, instead of a potato.
Me: ARE YOU SCARED OF THE TRUTH? WELL ARE YOU?!!??
Bro: How can I be scared when I can't even remember the truth? -deadpan-
Dude. Seriously. My brother...he says the best stuff. I'm gonna write a story just based on that 2 sentence convo. I can already see a story playing out in my head. __φ(。。)
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