“I am participating in the Writing Contest: Writers Crushing Doubt. Hosted by Positive Writer.” See more at:
copy and paste: http://positivewriter.com/writing-contest-2016/#sthash.XeSENqRH.dpuf
direct link: http://positivewriter.com/writing-contest-2016/#sthash.XeSENqRH.dpuf
I read the topic, and then realized it would take me too long to write and to be honest I didn't know how to start. I stopped writing a couple years ago and just recently started writing again and for the life of me, I couldn't remember why I stopped. As I was brushing my teeth, I tried to remember and then it hit me.
I had published my writing online to get feedback. It was an easy way to see how people would respond to my writing, and it also gave me the power of anonymity. I should have known better. I know that in this world you can't please everyone and that it's nearly impossible to get everyone to like you...but still, I had held onto the thought that people are nice. I mean they are nice, but they can be quite harsh too. I guess I had blocked out that last half. After all, people aren't just a single hue; they're way more complex.
I got a comment that basically said my writing was trash; I should never write again; and, that next time I thought about posting a story, I should just not...it was like a bolt of lightening. I'm not going to lie. I read the comment several times, shut off my computer, went into the shower, and cried. I cried, and then I got angry. Who was one person to tell me what my writing was? Very quickly though, the anger settled into doubt. What if my writing really was trash? Maybe all my teachers before had simply been placating me. After all, not everybody could be a writer...
I'm not a professional writer. Nor did I ever claim to be. I just like writing. It was as simple as that; I should have kept it as simple as that.
The human brain is amazing and tragic in its ability to forget. If I hadn't forgotten about that incident, I might have been plagued forever with the nasty taste that one person had left. Now that I remember and look back on it, I can honestly admit, the story wasn't amazing, but it wasn't trash either. It was on a site where everyone was free to post the stories that they had created and then get constructive criticism. I should have focused more on the positive comments instead of that one negative one, but bad things tend to stick more than good things. I'll still never understand people who intentionally make others feel small by insulting them, but, the thing I'm most sorry about is that I let one person taint a hobby that made me happy.
My story isn't inspiring. It's not even motivational. I wasn't able to overcome that obstacle. I let it get to me. I fell down and didn't get back up.
But I think what counts is that, now, I have gotten over it. I'm not staying down. I write and I'm still not a professional writer, but, I get to do the thing I love once again. I take what others say into consideration, but I don't let it control me. I let that past incident be a learning experience.
It wasn't me personally that overcame writer's doubt, but more of time's influence. I don't know if that's cheating, but I'm grateful.
Monday, May 30, 2016
Thursday, May 19, 2016
Make it alright Need a little sweetness in my life ♬
Gratitude:
1. Music ♪ It's gotten me through my anger, my sadness, and allowed me to express my joys and happiness. How do they come up with such catchy melodies? It's odd though that some of the catchiest songs have the, to put it nicely, oddest lyrics. Lol. Like the pepperona song. It's soo catchy; but it's lyrics are nonsense(though I have to admit, I love me some pepperoni XD). Same thing with some of the catchy pop songs nowadays. Some of them literally are just bedroom talk, put to a catchy tune. The song I used in the title is another example. It's crazy catchy but the lyrics are just basically pick up lines. Lol. Not that it's bad, but my favorite songs are the ones with a good melody + meaningful lyrics. But you know, everyone can't be a winner. :O
2. Uno. Battleship. Legos. Pop ups. Recorders. Harmonicas. Stickers. Blow up balls/bats. Nerf guns. Mini golf Styrofoam kit. Launch across. Yu-gi-Oh/Pokemon/Maplestory cards. Dominoes. Lol, the song for this post should have been Fall Out Boy's "Thanks for the Memories~". I just had an intense 20 game of launch across and basketball launch across and lol it was about 16 to 4. Lol, In the 20th game, I thought about letting the kid win, since you know I kind of totally destroyed him, but my inner glee took over, and I kind of feel bad now. He was sulking and then is taking a nap now. I used to let him win when we were kids, so he wouldn't get mad, but for some reason I thought he'd be able to handle losing...I was wrong. Soooo wrong. Lol. But it was fun. I haven't laughed with my brother this much in a while. XD My throat seriously hurts from literally rolling on the floor laughing!!! :D
3. Parents. And their seemingly unending affection for their children. Yesterday when I was cleaning things out, I found a PS2 in my brother's closet, and so we plugged it up and turned it on, but only the green light showed and the fan worked, but the tv just kept saying no signal and the eject button wouldn't turn on let alone eject. Lol, so what do I do? I take out my handy dandy screwdriver and penlight and start unscrewing stuff with the help of youtube and my little brother. Lol. Turns out there was a loose screw inside. I shook the PS2 and it fell out. Then I was almost done unscrewing everything when there was this one stubborn screw near the fan that would just not unscrew. It was irritating. I swear we spent 30 minutes trying to unscrew it. Lol. So then we just looked at each other and gave up.(Lol, seriously spent about 4 hours on the thing and then we just gave up :-?) Screwed everything back in and then plugged it up and turned it on again. Lol, but this time, the what's suppose to be green light just stayed red and the fan never turned on, and well turns out I broke it even further!!!! I was talking with my mom and turns out that PS2 was struck by lightening. O.O Enough said.
4. Apples. Manzanas. Sagwa. Are a heck of a lot sweeter than I thought they were, and you know what they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away!! Lol, saw this thing on instagram where a girl is teleporting this apple and a doctor is screaming: "Keep it away!!!" Lol. If only. :O)
5. Umbrellas. Aren't they adorable? Lol. I carried one when I went walking today because the weather was looking shady and it's seriously so fun!! I can use it as a cane, this is sooo fun! Or on my last lap, I carried it around like a gun on my shoulder, you know how guys do it in the army? Like that. It was always my dream to join ROTC, but I could never do a push up. My poor nooodly arms...one day, one day they'll be able to boast completing a push up...or a pull up. Either one is good. :) (*^▽^*)
Water count:1.5...urk. I think I'm not doing so well, bc I know what happens when I drink so much water. I pee. A lot. So much that I wonder how people who drink a lot of water do it. I seriously had to get up and pee every 15 minutes. I didn't even drink as much water as I peed? What? Lol, but I'll keep trying to get the 8 cup daily recommended.
Math problem:
Addition: 32! Woo, that was a close one! But new high score!!!
Subtraction: 3...well, working on it/!!
Multiplication: 7...still good!
Division:0...they were hard today and I'm feeling sleepy~
Mixed Ops: 6; my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier~
...don't judge me, but that fudge cake I made along with the 12 cupcakes...I devoured 1/2 of the cake and 6 of the cupcakes. :X It was soooooooo~ good! I think my greatest creation!! (´∇ﾉ｀*)ノ Shh, don't tell though. The cake is MINE!!! Mwahahsahdhhah. Seriously, so delicious!!! <3,l
1. Music ♪ It's gotten me through my anger, my sadness, and allowed me to express my joys and happiness. How do they come up with such catchy melodies? It's odd though that some of the catchiest songs have the, to put it nicely, oddest lyrics. Lol. Like the pepperona song. It's soo catchy; but it's lyrics are nonsense(though I have to admit, I love me some pepperoni XD). Same thing with some of the catchy pop songs nowadays. Some of them literally are just bedroom talk, put to a catchy tune. The song I used in the title is another example. It's crazy catchy but the lyrics are just basically pick up lines. Lol. Not that it's bad, but my favorite songs are the ones with a good melody + meaningful lyrics. But you know, everyone can't be a winner. :O
2. Uno. Battleship. Legos. Pop ups. Recorders. Harmonicas. Stickers. Blow up balls/bats. Nerf guns. Mini golf Styrofoam kit. Launch across. Yu-gi-Oh/Pokemon/Maplestory cards. Dominoes. Lol, the song for this post should have been Fall Out Boy's "Thanks for the Memories~". I just had an intense 20 game of launch across and basketball launch across and lol it was about 16 to 4. Lol, In the 20th game, I thought about letting the kid win, since you know I kind of totally destroyed him, but my inner glee took over, and I kind of feel bad now. He was sulking and then is taking a nap now. I used to let him win when we were kids, so he wouldn't get mad, but for some reason I thought he'd be able to handle losing...I was wrong. Soooo wrong. Lol. But it was fun. I haven't laughed with my brother this much in a while. XD My throat seriously hurts from literally rolling on the floor laughing!!! :D
3. Parents. And their seemingly unending affection for their children. Yesterday when I was cleaning things out, I found a PS2 in my brother's closet, and so we plugged it up and turned it on, but only the green light showed and the fan worked, but the tv just kept saying no signal and the eject button wouldn't turn on let alone eject. Lol, so what do I do? I take out my handy dandy screwdriver and penlight and start unscrewing stuff with the help of youtube and my little brother. Lol. Turns out there was a loose screw inside. I shook the PS2 and it fell out. Then I was almost done unscrewing everything when there was this one stubborn screw near the fan that would just not unscrew. It was irritating. I swear we spent 30 minutes trying to unscrew it. Lol. So then we just looked at each other and gave up.(Lol, seriously spent about 4 hours on the thing and then we just gave up :-?) Screwed everything back in and then plugged it up and turned it on again. Lol, but this time, the what's suppose to be green light just stayed red and the fan never turned on, and well turns out I broke it even further!!!! I was talking with my mom and turns out that PS2 was struck by lightening. O.O Enough said.
4. Apples. Manzanas. Sagwa. Are a heck of a lot sweeter than I thought they were, and you know what they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away!! Lol, saw this thing on instagram where a girl is teleporting this apple and a doctor is screaming: "Keep it away!!!" Lol. If only. :O)
5. Umbrellas. Aren't they adorable? Lol. I carried one when I went walking today because the weather was looking shady and it's seriously so fun!! I can use it as a cane, this is sooo fun! Or on my last lap, I carried it around like a gun on my shoulder, you know how guys do it in the army? Like that. It was always my dream to join ROTC, but I could never do a push up. My poor nooodly arms...one day, one day they'll be able to boast completing a push up...or a pull up. Either one is good. :) (*^▽^*)
Water count:1.5...urk. I think I'm not doing so well, bc I know what happens when I drink so much water. I pee. A lot. So much that I wonder how people who drink a lot of water do it. I seriously had to get up and pee every 15 minutes. I didn't even drink as much water as I peed? What? Lol, but I'll keep trying to get the 8 cup daily recommended.
Math problem:
Addition: 32! Woo, that was a close one! But new high score!!!
Subtraction: 3...well, working on it/!!
Multiplication: 7...still good!
Division:0...they were hard today and I'm feeling sleepy~
Mixed Ops: 6; my eyelids are getting heavier and heavier~
...don't judge me, but that fudge cake I made along with the 12 cupcakes...I devoured 1/2 of the cake and 6 of the cupcakes. :X It was soooooooo~ good! I think my greatest creation!! (´∇ﾉ｀*)ノ Shh, don't tell though. The cake is MINE!!! Mwahahsahdhhah. Seriously, so delicious!!! <3,l
Tuesday, May 17, 2016
You watch me bleed until I can't breathe Shaking, falling onto my knees ♫
And now that I'm without your kisses
I'll be needing stitches
aH. So catchy~ヽ(*ﾟｰﾟ*)ﾉ
Gratitude:
1. ...I think I said the internet already, but still. Totally grateful for it because how else would I know how to bake a cake with sparse ingredients. I say bake, bc it's baking rn and I'm not sure how it's going to turn out. O.o. Hopefully ok, since the recipe is a bit of a deviation. As long as it's sweet and a slight resemblance to cake, I think I'd be ok c eating it...I think. Update in an hour when I'm done with it. Hey Hey hey~~ Lol. It's done cooking. Lol, the recipe said to cook for an hour and 15, but I took it out about 50 minutes, bc I don't like it to be too dry and it tastes delicious!!! Yum. So I was stuck between putting powdered sugar on top or cool whip. I tried both. And cool whip wins hands down. Lol, but it actually might be better without anything on it. Url link: http://www.food.com/recipe/hersheys-chocolate-syrup-cake-280713; And I didn't use 15 oz, bc I only had 1 1/2 cup of chocolate syrup(so much cheaper than buying cocoa powder) so I added a bag of hot chocolate...lol don't know if that mattered or not. Also at the beginning I didn't read that it said a cup of butter and just chunked a butter in and started mixing. It turned out chunky. Lol, so I had to put it in the microwave and then mix again. Always learning! And it's cool bc the cupcake/cake turned out edible and that's all that matters~~!! :)
2. Ovens. And microwaves. I mean what? Although I am kind of sad I miss out on the whole fire! Fire bad! thing. And you know the ability to roast marshmallows whenever, ovens and microwaves are really, really convenient. We got some smart cookies in the world.
3. When I was shopping for my carpet cleaner, I was digging around for a penny because the total came out to be 2.51 and the guy was all, "don't worry about the penny." What? Lol. It may not mean a lot to other people, but that was seriously nice of him. That's never happened to me before. I mean wouldn't he come up short later when he had to close the register? Hmm, w/e, I thanked the guy and made my merry way home. So I was just thankful for things like that, that can just make the day so much better. XD
4. Garage door openers. These things are amazing. I didn't want to grab my key when I was leaving the house, so I just went to my car and grabbed the garage door opener. Lol, and I used that to get back into the house. Isn't that nice~ :O
5. My brother gave me putty. Lol. It was yellow and squishy. Wasn't that nice that he remembered me? Lol, yes, bc he's a teenager and teenagers are iffy at best, but isn't he sweet? Lol, I'm glad I'm not an only child. It was his last day too, so when he got home he was all:
AHHHHHH~! MY LAST DAY!!! BOOYAH!!! NOW I CAN SLEEP IN AND NO STRESS AND AHHHHH~~!!!! Lol, it was so funny!!
Accomplishments(bc I think it's good to remind myself of the things I've done, even if they're little things.):
1. I walked to the store to buy carpet cleaner. Lol, let me just say these are the best things ever. You just sprinkle them on your carpet, wait a bit(2-5 minutes), and then vacuum it up. It leaves the place smelling fantastic!!! Lol, no I didn't vacuum today, that's for tomorrow. ;) There was only a lavender and vanilla flavor, but I figured that was better than nothing.
2. I've started the cleaning process! It's time to clean, clean, and clean to get ready for when school starts.
3. I lost my box for my rental books. I ripped my room apart trying to find it but, no luck. Man, I was really angry, but I was all, sigh, I have other things to do, so I'll just deal with it later. And guess what? Guess what??? O_O When I walked to the store, the guy was restocking the shelves and lo and behold what was presented before my eyes??? A box that was the perfect size to fit my 2 textbooks(mind you these two things weigh together 18 lbs and can't be held with one hand, so I needed a pretty big box; darn college.). So I got my courage up and asked if I could have it. He was all, sure, why not. I was all yay! Thank you~ Lol, it was a nice turn of events and kind of made my day! :) Lol back to the point. I boxed up and taped the box so all I got to do now is drop them off at the post office before next week, which is when they're due. :)
Water count: 2 cups. Lol. Today was not a water day. I'll be honest...I really don't like the taste of water. The only time it tastes good is after exercise. I have this mug that I bought from A to Z and it's awesome! It fits exactly 2 cups of water, so I only have to fill it 4 times a day to get my dosage...lol, but wouldn't you know that's the hardest part~!! Lol, I really don't like standing there waiting for the water to fill, but I convince myself to do it by treating it as an exercise. Lol, hey walking to the water cooler will help you get off the couch~ Lol, it works sometimes but most of the time it's just w/e. I really want an 8 cup cup, so I can just fill it once and bam. Once I'm done, I'm done. ヾ｜￣ー￣｜ﾉ
Math problem:
Addition: 29 Woooo! Getting better!!! <3
Subtraction: 5 gawrsh. Breaking the high score is hard...but I'll keep trying. :)
Multiplication: 10! Yes!!! New high score!!! ヾ（*⌒ヮ⌒*）ゞ It's getting easier!!!
Division: 3! Yay, another new high score!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially for division which is so dificil~
Mixed Ops: 13!! Yeah!! today is just breaking scores day!!!♪└|∵|┘♪
Season 6 Episode 5 of The Middle. Axl spoke to me man. Lol. He's right. I had that same thought process. People always tell you what to do and than when college hits, they all leave you alone and you've...just got to figure things out. It is scary. I'm thankful the writer was able to put this fear into a relatable tv show so kids can realize that they're not alone. It's normal to be scared. It's ok to freak out, but don't stay freaked out. Lol. You'll figure things out and don't forget that you can always ask for help. :O :)
I'll be needing stitches
aH. So catchy~ヽ(*ﾟｰﾟ*)ﾉ
Gratitude:
1. ...I think I said the internet already, but still. Totally grateful for it because how else would I know how to bake a cake with sparse ingredients. I say bake, bc it's baking rn and I'm not sure how it's going to turn out. O.o. Hopefully ok, since the recipe is a bit of a deviation. As long as it's sweet and a slight resemblance to cake, I think I'd be ok c eating it...I think. Update in an hour when I'm done with it. Hey Hey hey~~ Lol. It's done cooking. Lol, the recipe said to cook for an hour and 15, but I took it out about 50 minutes, bc I don't like it to be too dry and it tastes delicious!!! Yum. So I was stuck between putting powdered sugar on top or cool whip. I tried both. And cool whip wins hands down. Lol, but it actually might be better without anything on it. Url link: http://www.food.com/recipe/hersheys-chocolate-syrup-cake-280713; And I didn't use 15 oz, bc I only had 1 1/2 cup of chocolate syrup(so much cheaper than buying cocoa powder) so I added a bag of hot chocolate...lol don't know if that mattered or not. Also at the beginning I didn't read that it said a cup of butter and just chunked a butter in and started mixing. It turned out chunky. Lol, so I had to put it in the microwave and then mix again. Always learning! And it's cool bc the cupcake/cake turned out edible and that's all that matters~~!! :)
2. Ovens. And microwaves. I mean what? Although I am kind of sad I miss out on the whole fire! Fire bad! thing. And you know the ability to roast marshmallows whenever, ovens and microwaves are really, really convenient. We got some smart cookies in the world.
3. When I was shopping for my carpet cleaner, I was digging around for a penny because the total came out to be 2.51 and the guy was all, "don't worry about the penny." What? Lol. It may not mean a lot to other people, but that was seriously nice of him. That's never happened to me before. I mean wouldn't he come up short later when he had to close the register? Hmm, w/e, I thanked the guy and made my merry way home. So I was just thankful for things like that, that can just make the day so much better. XD
4. Garage door openers. These things are amazing. I didn't want to grab my key when I was leaving the house, so I just went to my car and grabbed the garage door opener. Lol, and I used that to get back into the house. Isn't that nice~ :O
5. My brother gave me putty. Lol. It was yellow and squishy. Wasn't that nice that he remembered me? Lol, yes, bc he's a teenager and teenagers are iffy at best, but isn't he sweet? Lol, I'm glad I'm not an only child. It was his last day too, so when he got home he was all:
AHHHHHH~! MY LAST DAY!!! BOOYAH!!! NOW I CAN SLEEP IN AND NO STRESS AND AHHHHH~~!!!! Lol, it was so funny!!
Accomplishments(bc I think it's good to remind myself of the things I've done, even if they're little things.):
1. I walked to the store to buy carpet cleaner. Lol, let me just say these are the best things ever. You just sprinkle them on your carpet, wait a bit(2-5 minutes), and then vacuum it up. It leaves the place smelling fantastic!!! Lol, no I didn't vacuum today, that's for tomorrow. ;) There was only a lavender and vanilla flavor, but I figured that was better than nothing.
2. I've started the cleaning process! It's time to clean, clean, and clean to get ready for when school starts.
3. I lost my box for my rental books. I ripped my room apart trying to find it but, no luck. Man, I was really angry, but I was all, sigh, I have other things to do, so I'll just deal with it later. And guess what? Guess what??? O_O When I walked to the store, the guy was restocking the shelves and lo and behold what was presented before my eyes??? A box that was the perfect size to fit my 2 textbooks(mind you these two things weigh together 18 lbs and can't be held with one hand, so I needed a pretty big box; darn college.). So I got my courage up and asked if I could have it. He was all, sure, why not. I was all yay! Thank you~ Lol, it was a nice turn of events and kind of made my day! :) Lol back to the point. I boxed up and taped the box so all I got to do now is drop them off at the post office before next week, which is when they're due. :)
Water count: 2 cups. Lol. Today was not a water day. I'll be honest...I really don't like the taste of water. The only time it tastes good is after exercise. I have this mug that I bought from A to Z and it's awesome! It fits exactly 2 cups of water, so I only have to fill it 4 times a day to get my dosage...lol, but wouldn't you know that's the hardest part~!! Lol, I really don't like standing there waiting for the water to fill, but I convince myself to do it by treating it as an exercise. Lol, hey walking to the water cooler will help you get off the couch~ Lol, it works sometimes but most of the time it's just w/e. I really want an 8 cup cup, so I can just fill it once and bam. Once I'm done, I'm done. ヾ｜￣ー￣｜ﾉ
Math problem:
Addition: 29 Woooo! Getting better!!! <3
Subtraction: 5 gawrsh. Breaking the high score is hard...but I'll keep trying. :)
Multiplication: 10! Yes!!! New high score!!! ヾ（*⌒ヮ⌒*）ゞ It's getting easier!!!
Division: 3! Yay, another new high score!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Especially for division which is so dificil~
Mixed Ops: 13!! Yeah!! today is just breaking scores day!!!♪└|∵|┘♪
Season 6 Episode 5 of The Middle. Axl spoke to me man. Lol. He's right. I had that same thought process. People always tell you what to do and than when college hits, they all leave you alone and you've...just got to figure things out. It is scary. I'm thankful the writer was able to put this fear into a relatable tv show so kids can realize that they're not alone. It's normal to be scared. It's ok to freak out, but don't stay freaked out. Lol. You'll figure things out and don't forget that you can always ask for help. :O :)
Monday, May 16, 2016
♫ This is the clock upon the wall This is the story of us all ♪
Gratitude:
1. So many manga updates!! Thank you translators and uploaders and writers, and just well everybody that works on these mangas!! Thank you!! <3 You guys seriously make my day. Especially since I live here where there aren't mangas so readily available like in other countries. The recent update on Seishun x Kikanjuu has made my day!!! (I love all the characters, they all have their own lovable personality :P)
2. Anime creators. 'specifically the creators of Sakamoto-kun!! (lol, that's not the anime's name, but the main lead's name. He's the coolest. Lol. You'll get it if you watch it.) And then the amazing creator of Inuyasha with her latest anime Kyoukai no Rinne(I think I spelled that right? Hmm it's something similar to Inuyasha, very episodic; but makes me happy nonetheless to watch :D)
3. And then Running man. My dear beloved running man. What would I do without you? Thank you for existing. They seriously always make my day. And are my go to watch shows. Shout out to all of the running man: Yoo Jae Suk; Kim Jong Kook; Lee Kwang Soo; Ha Ha; Ji Suk Jin; Song Ji Hyo; Kang Gary; All of you guys: kamsahamnida. :) :P
4. Um. There was something specific I wanted to say thank you for today...but I can't remember it now that I'm sitting here. Hmmm. What was it? Oh yeah! The lady at the bank! She was splendidly nice. Idk if she'll follow through on what she said she was going to do, but she was very polite and jsut wonderful. I love encountering people who are courteous and willing to help. It makes me so happy bc it reminds me there are people who are nice in the world. Lol, even if they're being paid to be nice :)
5. The rain!!! Lol. I didn't go walking this morning bc it was "raining". Lol. It really wasn't but I had slept at 3 and was going to wake up at 6 to go, and lol thank you bad weather. I did go yesterday though! I went 3 and 1/2 laps; According to my phone I went ~10,000 steps and 5 miles. Lol, I heard the phone wasn't that accurate though, so y'know. Still, it makes me feel accomplished. :) Hopefully I can sleep early today and go tomorrow. Still working on getting healthy!!
6. Lol. What I meant to say wasn't about the lady in the bank. Though I am grateful for her. I meant to brag about direct tv and its recording abilities!! It's so awesome!! I don't remember if it was on this blog but, I raved like crazy about HD television and how that basically opened me up to a new world. But this recording thing. Man. I know we used to do it with VCR's but this is sooo convenient. I love it!! Especially bc sometimes there's nothing to watch and I can just go watch all my movies I recorded. P.S. Yes, most of them are cartoon/disney/pixar movies. I'll never grow up!! Even if I do grow old!! XD
Lol. So I've been busy watching anime, reading manga, and catching up on my korean shows, so lol yesterday was kind of a catch up day. You don't understand!! I've been constantly reading just school books, and now's my chance to catch up on my reading! Yes, I'mma nerd. But who cares! They all make me so happy!!! ^.^~
6. Lol. What I meant to say wasn't about the lady in the bank. Though I am grateful for her. I meant to brag about direct tv and its recording abilities!! It's so awesome!! I don't remember if it was on this blog but, I raved like crazy about HD television and how that basically opened me up to a new world. But this recording thing. Man. I know we used to do it with VCR's but this is sooo convenient. I love it!! Especially bc sometimes there's nothing to watch and I can just go watch all my movies I recorded. P.S. Yes, most of them are cartoon/disney/pixar movies. I'll never grow up!! Even if I do grow old!! XD
Lol. So I've been busy watching anime, reading manga, and catching up on my korean shows, so lol yesterday was kind of a catch up day. You don't understand!! I've been constantly reading just school books, and now's my chance to catch up on my reading! Yes, I'mma nerd. But who cares! They all make me so happy!!! ^.^~
Water count:5.5...urk. It's so much water. And I have to pee so much! Lol. I've seriously never peed this much in my life. Yesterday I was able to do 6 cups, but haven't been able to drink past 6. Maybe if I started drinking earlier...lol, and yes this is still water.
Math problem:
Addition: 30 (yesh! new high score!!)
Subtraction: 3 (it's sooo hard!!)
Multiplication: 4 (lol, I can't remember what my old one was...)
Division:1 (haha! I got one right!! Yeah! I'm improving!!! XD)
Mixed Ops: 0; lol I almost got one right...but I spazzed. That's ok. Tomorrow is another day!! I will try again!!
Oh! I remember now! I've been having these weird, WEIRD, dreams. And well one was yesterdays: I was a part of the Cheetah Girls. Lol. And it turned out that they had got back together but they kicked me out. And there was something about Raven(oops, I don't remember her name when she was in the cheetah girls), but she betrayed me, and anyways, that's not the cool thing about this dream. Raven was showing me pictures of her and the Cheetah girls and the dream turned HD!! WHAT??? Everything was crazy clear. It was like watching a movie in HD. I've never had a dream that was so crystal clear! And it was in color, because I remember the brillant yellow and orange of the flowers in the background, and gah! Isn't that amazing? There was also a part where I met my old Woodshop teacher and left my notebook in his class, but when I went back to get it, it wasn't there? So I was in a panic about trying to find it and urg, I woke up panicking that I had left my notebook in his class, and when I woke up, it was just...oh, it was just a dream. LOl.
And the one last night was about that guy in that korean drama greatest love and I forget what he was saying but one of the things was "sprinkle" and I wish I could put an audio recording, bc the way he said it was so...hilarious :P. The sprinkle was about rain I think. There was also another part about the dream, but now that I'm concentrating, I can't seem to recall it. I should have wrote it down. Lol. I wonder if I'll have another weird dream today or not. I want to sleep early. And you know go in the morning walking, but at this point, who knows, right? Lol.
Oh! I remember now! I've been having these weird, WEIRD, dreams. And well one was yesterdays: I was a part of the Cheetah Girls. Lol. And it turned out that they had got back together but they kicked me out. And there was something about Raven(oops, I don't remember her name when she was in the cheetah girls), but she betrayed me, and anyways, that's not the cool thing about this dream. Raven was showing me pictures of her and the Cheetah girls and the dream turned HD!! WHAT??? Everything was crazy clear. It was like watching a movie in HD. I've never had a dream that was so crystal clear! And it was in color, because I remember the brillant yellow and orange of the flowers in the background, and gah! Isn't that amazing? There was also a part where I met my old Woodshop teacher and left my notebook in his class, but when I went back to get it, it wasn't there? So I was in a panic about trying to find it and urg, I woke up panicking that I had left my notebook in his class, and when I woke up, it was just...oh, it was just a dream. LOl.
And the one last night was about that guy in that korean drama greatest love and I forget what he was saying but one of the things was "sprinkle" and I wish I could put an audio recording, bc the way he said it was so...hilarious :P. The sprinkle was about rain I think. There was also another part about the dream, but now that I'm concentrating, I can't seem to recall it. I should have wrote it down. Lol. I wonder if I'll have another weird dream today or not. I want to sleep early. And you know go in the morning walking, but at this point, who knows, right? Lol.
Saturday, May 14, 2016
♪ My head's spinning around I can't see clear no more What are you waiting for? ♬
So, positivity(lol, it keeps putting a red line under positivity...do you not recognize me when I'm being positive internet? lol) journal not really working out. Lol, like I said, it started turning into more of a ranting journal..so I'm gonna switch lanes for a bit.
Since it's summer, gonna go for a longer journal. And a more structured one. Because no matter how much I try to deny it, I like things to be organized(lol, no matter what my room says). So I'm going to do numbers. And I'm going to do...3? I think journals.and I'll probably switch back to the other one when school comes back bc it's shorter, but who knows, I might stick with this or scrap it and start all anew again, with life, who knows, right? :O :P
Gratitude:
1. Lol. My brother lost his water bottle. He put it next to the Sriracha bottle on the side. He looked everywhere for it. I'm not letting him live it down, since he's always commenting about me losing the remote. Lol especially the time where I left it in the refrigerator. And the freezer another time. Lol. DON'T JUDGE ME! XD So thank you little brother for giving me a laugh..lol, and something to hold over on you!! :P
2. I thought it was going to be chilly when I went outside for a walk today, but it turns out it was actually the perfect amount of chill to combat the sweat I accumulated(lol, sorry, tmi, but yes fast walking does cause sweat to show, at least for people like me :P).
3. Authors. From all around the world for letting me experience wonderful adventures from the comforts of my own house, but most importantly for inspiring me to write my own adventures! Lol, if I can finally finish a story, I'd really like to post it on here...or at fanfiction.com. Lol. Most of my stories are fanfiction(lol, the best invention ever because it means the story doesn't ever have to end!!), but I do have a couple that are based on my own characters.
4. Thank you for whoever invented the internet. Seriously. It's hard to remember the times without it. Lol, though I didn't have it as a child, I've grown too accustomed to it now.
5. My aunts who live close to me. Literally. My aunt and uncle live right next door. And my other aunt lives down 2 streets. It's nice having family closeby. :)
lol, I was going to start low at you know the magic number of 3, but I figure I might as well aim high(lol, what is this, is this positivity rubbing off on me? Was it totally not worthless? :)). And then I'll adjust it as I go on.
Water count: lol water count? What could that mean? No this is not the amount of water ballons I will be tossing at people. Nor is it the amount of raindrops that have fallen. This is of course the long awaited, me, trying to accommodate the daily ritual of 8 cups of water a day. Le gasp. 8 cups? 8 CUPS when you don't even drink 1 cup most days? Lol. Yes. This is actually a really big thing. I don't drink water, and I should. Lol, there goes my brain commenting unnecessarily again with "well there are lots of things you should do, aren't there?" So brain(if you're so smart, why don't you start memorizing things instead of making naggy comments about my life? Lol, every time I use the word nag, that song made by Cosmo, about Wanda plays in my head("nag it to the right. nag it to the left. nag it all day and night~" Lol, something like that.): 6 cups. Lol. didn't make my goal on the first day, but that's ok. Tomorrow's another day! :D
Math problems (lol, don't laugh! Even though I'm smiling while I write this. I know how to add and substract and lol this is not for a college course or anything. I just want to be able to do mental math. This is something that I've been sporadically working on, but since it's summer and I have a lot of time on my hands, I'm going to give it a go again. By mental math I do mean adding and subtracting 3+ greater numbers without having to write it out. But most of all, I want to be able to multiply big numbers in my head. I think people who can do that are just swell. Lol. I love that word. People should use it more; but I used it once and the other person laughed 'cause they thought I was being sarcastic. I wasn't. Boo. :'( Lol. It's ok. At least, I know what I meant.:): Actually I forgot I had a mental math app(lol, it's literally called Mental Math) so I'll just post the high scores for each one and try to beat them each day and if I don't that's ok too, bc practice is better than not not practice! :D:
Addition: 23
Subtraction: 5 lol gotta work on this, that's so bad!!
Multiplication: 2 lol, looks like my subtraction is better than my multiplication! Lol, at least I got 2 right. :P
Division: 0; lol, it's getting progressively worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then again, I never learned how to divide 4 digit numbers by 2 digit numbers...at least not mentally, but just imagining how cool it would be to be able to do this in my head in the future, is encouraging, me to keep trying, so I will!!!
Mixed Ops: 6!!! Lol, I got one of the division ones right!!!!!! Yippee! And I got lucky bc most of those were addition. Hehe.
...in my defense, I did this on hard...:( :O XD Lol. But seriously, I'll get better!!! >:D
And this also is a good baseline.
I wonder if I'm being too ambitious?. Lol. It's ok. Being ambitious is better than having no plan at all. I think. Lol. Sorry too much commentary today. But since it's yet another beginning. Well, hopefully this will be able to last for a while. But I'm not sure. I just want to try something so that by the end of this summer I'll be at least a bit of a better person. Whether it be a bit smarter, a bit more positive, or a bit more compassionate. Hopefully not worse. Lol.
Since it's summer, gonna go for a longer journal. And a more structured one. Because no matter how much I try to deny it, I like things to be organized(lol, no matter what my room says). So I'm going to do numbers. And I'm going to do...3? I think journals.and I'll probably switch back to the other one when school comes back bc it's shorter, but who knows, I might stick with this or scrap it and start all anew again, with life, who knows, right? :O :P
Gratitude:
1. Lol. My brother lost his water bottle. He put it next to the Sriracha bottle on the side. He looked everywhere for it. I'm not letting him live it down, since he's always commenting about me losing the remote. Lol especially the time where I left it in the refrigerator. And the freezer another time. Lol. DON'T JUDGE ME! XD So thank you little brother for giving me a laugh..lol, and something to hold over on you!! :P
2. I thought it was going to be chilly when I went outside for a walk today, but it turns out it was actually the perfect amount of chill to combat the sweat I accumulated(lol, sorry, tmi, but yes fast walking does cause sweat to show, at least for people like me :P).
3. Authors. From all around the world for letting me experience wonderful adventures from the comforts of my own house, but most importantly for inspiring me to write my own adventures! Lol, if I can finally finish a story, I'd really like to post it on here...or at fanfiction.com. Lol. Most of my stories are fanfiction(lol, the best invention ever because it means the story doesn't ever have to end!!), but I do have a couple that are based on my own characters.
4. Thank you for whoever invented the internet. Seriously. It's hard to remember the times without it. Lol, though I didn't have it as a child, I've grown too accustomed to it now.
5. My aunts who live close to me. Literally. My aunt and uncle live right next door. And my other aunt lives down 2 streets. It's nice having family closeby. :)
lol, I was going to start low at you know the magic number of 3, but I figure I might as well aim high(lol, what is this, is this positivity rubbing off on me? Was it totally not worthless? :)). And then I'll adjust it as I go on.
Water count: lol water count? What could that mean? No this is not the amount of water ballons I will be tossing at people. Nor is it the amount of raindrops that have fallen. This is of course the long awaited, me, trying to accommodate the daily ritual of 8 cups of water a day. Le gasp. 8 cups? 8 CUPS when you don't even drink 1 cup most days? Lol. Yes. This is actually a really big thing. I don't drink water, and I should. Lol, there goes my brain commenting unnecessarily again with "well there are lots of things you should do, aren't there?" So brain(if you're so smart, why don't you start memorizing things instead of making naggy comments about my life? Lol, every time I use the word nag, that song made by Cosmo, about Wanda plays in my head("nag it to the right. nag it to the left. nag it all day and night~" Lol, something like that.): 6 cups. Lol. didn't make my goal on the first day, but that's ok. Tomorrow's another day! :D
Math problems (lol, don't laugh! Even though I'm smiling while I write this. I know how to add and substract and lol this is not for a college course or anything. I just want to be able to do mental math. This is something that I've been sporadically working on, but since it's summer and I have a lot of time on my hands, I'm going to give it a go again. By mental math I do mean adding and subtracting 3+ greater numbers without having to write it out. But most of all, I want to be able to multiply big numbers in my head. I think people who can do that are just swell. Lol. I love that word. People should use it more; but I used it once and the other person laughed 'cause they thought I was being sarcastic. I wasn't. Boo. :'( Lol. It's ok. At least, I know what I meant.:): Actually I forgot I had a mental math app(lol, it's literally called Mental Math) so I'll just post the high scores for each one and try to beat them each day and if I don't that's ok too, bc practice is better than not not practice! :D:
Addition: 23
Subtraction: 5 lol gotta work on this, that's so bad!!
Multiplication: 2 lol, looks like my subtraction is better than my multiplication! Lol, at least I got 2 right. :P
Division: 0; lol, it's getting progressively worse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then again, I never learned how to divide 4 digit numbers by 2 digit numbers...at least not mentally, but just imagining how cool it would be to be able to do this in my head in the future, is encouraging, me to keep trying, so I will!!!
Mixed Ops: 6!!! Lol, I got one of the division ones right!!!!!! Yippee! And I got lucky bc most of those were addition. Hehe.
...in my defense, I did this on hard...:( :O XD Lol. But seriously, I'll get better!!! >:D
And this also is a good baseline.
I wonder if I'm being too ambitious?. Lol. It's ok. Being ambitious is better than having no plan at all. I think. Lol. Sorry too much commentary today. But since it's yet another beginning. Well, hopefully this will be able to last for a while. But I'm not sure. I just want to try something so that by the end of this summer I'll be at least a bit of a better person. Whether it be a bit smarter, a bit more positive, or a bit more compassionate. Hopefully not worse. Lol.
Friday, May 13, 2016
Try and turn the tables I wish you'd unclench your fists And unpack your suitcase Lately there's been too much of this But don't think it's too late ♫
I PASSSEDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHHAHAHAHHA, TAKE THAT 3RD SEMESTER!!!!!!!! Take that stupid stereotypes where you have to be part of the in crowd to pass! IN YOUR FREAKING FACEs! THIS IS FOR ALL THE OUTCASTS, AND MISFITS, AND THOSE THAT JUST CAN'T SEEM TO FIT IN OUT THERE!!! I PASSSSSEEEEDDDDD!!!! "YOU HAVE TO HAVE A STUDY GROUP OR ELSE YOU'LL FAIL" MY BUTT!!! IT JUST TAKES SOME HARD CORE EFFORT, AND PRAYER, AND BAM! bAM! BAMMM!!! HahahahahahA!!!!
Gosh, I can finally breathe again!!!!!!...lol shut up part of my brain that's whispering "for now." I'll get to it when I get to it. Dang party pooper won't even let me enjoy my fruits of labor.
I was gonna put an ascii picture of a person doing a victory dance, but 1) I am no artist my dear, and 2) I can't find one on the internet lol.
So instead, here's an ascii art of a bunny, just bc bunnies:
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(") and then another just bc, you know bunny. ::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»
I was gonna put an ascii picture of a person doing a victory dance, but 1) I am no artist my dear, and 2) I can't find one on the internet lol.
So instead, here's an ascii art of a bunny, just bc bunnies:
(\__/)
(='.'=)
(")_(") and then another just bc, you know bunny. ::: (\_(\
*: (=’ :’) :*
•.. (,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»
Lol. Aren't they sweet? Positive:
I got the results for my test yesterday afternoon. Lol, I kept checking online to see if she posted the score. It was driving me nuts. But since, I seriously stayed up to 3 in the morning studying, I passed out about 9 last night. Lol, earliest I've slept in a while.
Man, that was hardcore studying though, I even did the whole, record yourself and then play it while you sleep thing. Idk if it worked, since I didn't dream about anything that was in my notes, but it did help to listen to it when I was paying attention. Lol I would get to listen to the first 10 minutes, and then I passed out.
Accomplishment:
I did some things I've been meaning to get done. Fixed my social security card problem. Used all the money on my school card. Lol, and yesterday I started the process of cleaning. Got to get rid of this semester's accumulated trash.
I thought about keeping it since I'm a perpetual hoarder, but I don't want too much luggage.
Aha! When I got my results yesterday I was in my room and I JUMPED ON MY BED OUT OF JOY. IT WAS AWESOME!! lOL, until I heard a crack. Lol. People like me probably shouldn't jump on a bed. Lol. It was fun and reminded me of the trampoline we used to have. I would have jumped more, if I wasn't so afraid the bed was going to break. But it was fun, and something I've never done before, but now I see why people do it. It makes me want to get a bed that I could jump on...lol or just get a trampoline.
Looking forward to:
SUMMMMMMMMMMER!!! IT'S FINALLY HERE!!! TODAY WAS THE LAST DAY OF FINALS!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow is the weekend, but you know what, for the next 3 months, it'll be a weekend!! insert evil cackle!! Man, I'm gonna miss summer.
Not to be a bummer, but this is legit going to be my last summer ever. Next year by this time, I should either be in a job...or lol, there's really no other alternative. I have to have a job by then, bc I'll be done with school!!!!!!!! Gah!!! 1 more year, and I'll be done with college!!!!!!! That means, lol, I'll finally be getting on with my adult life! No~ Lol. Yes? Idk.
The frick? What the heck is wrong with her? I give respect to those who give me respect. If you're going to talk to me with an attitude, you're going to be getting attitude back. And if that makes me a brat well then fine. this is going to be my bratty years then. Bc, heck, I was a dang good child. I did everything I was told. Not once did I break the rules. Gosh, I want to move out sooo bad. I can't stand the nagging anymore. Idk if this is moodswings for me or what, but I know, my mom's done a lot for me. Heck she's done everything. But every time she talks, it just irritates me. I've been here way too long. But again, I can't move out until I get a job. Ugh. I just read what I wrote. I really am a brat. I've calmed down. Lol, I'm watching Aladdin.
And no really. I am a brat. A totally worthless one. Gosh. I need to work on my heart. I am grateful for all she's done. I'm sorry for the rant, mom. Just going through my teenage years...lol even though I'm no longer a teenager.
Man wouldn't it be nice to have a magic carpet? :P Or a genie? Or a pet monkey? Lol. Or a pet tiger? I was going to get a goldfish today, but...even though goldfishes are only 17cents. Turns out to be a suitable living space for them is about 300 bucks. Lol. What? I mean, turns out they're suppose to grow to be a feet long...and my little goldfish bowl...lol, would be too cramped for it. So, tis for another day.
I'm on a disney marathon.
And I promised my brother a couple weeks ago, that since it's summer that I would go walking. Lol. 3 hours in the morning. And then 1 hour in the afternoon.
Bro. Dude. This is not cool. I weighed myself and I've gained about 10 lbs since I started college. Stupid stress eating. Hopefully I'll be satisfied with my weight by the end of this summer. And Lol, I wrote promise. But I meant bet. I don't remember the amount he either said 50 or 100 dollars. We never actually pay each other, but it's fun to pick an amount.
Lol. Haven't you ever thought that it would be fun to live in a place with princes and maids and? Lol a chance to fall in love with a different social class? Man, time travel. Man disney makes it look so fun.
Lol. "I didn't expect you to answer!!" Talking animals too. Lol, wait no. Yeah? Would that mean I'd have to be vegetarian? IDK. I don't want to think about this.
I got to get my act together. This summer will be meaningful. >:D
Gah!! See, dreams do come true!!!!Or rather, hard work does pay off!! :O XD
I got the results for my test yesterday afternoon. Lol, I kept checking online to see if she posted the score. It was driving me nuts. But since, I seriously stayed up to 3 in the morning studying, I passed out about 9 last night. Lol, earliest I've slept in a while.
Man, that was hardcore studying though, I even did the whole, record yourself and then play it while you sleep thing. Idk if it worked, since I didn't dream about anything that was in my notes, but it did help to listen to it when I was paying attention. Lol I would get to listen to the first 10 minutes, and then I passed out.
Accomplishment:
I did some things I've been meaning to get done. Fixed my social security card problem. Used all the money on my school card. Lol, and yesterday I started the process of cleaning. Got to get rid of this semester's accumulated trash.
I thought about keeping it since I'm a perpetual hoarder, but I don't want too much luggage.
Aha! When I got my results yesterday I was in my room and I JUMPED ON MY BED OUT OF JOY. IT WAS AWESOME!! lOL, until I heard a crack. Lol. People like me probably shouldn't jump on a bed. Lol. It was fun and reminded me of the trampoline we used to have. I would have jumped more, if I wasn't so afraid the bed was going to break. But it was fun, and something I've never done before, but now I see why people do it. It makes me want to get a bed that I could jump on...lol or just get a trampoline.
Looking forward to:
SUMMMMMMMMMMER!!! IT'S FINALLY HERE!!! TODAY WAS THE LAST DAY OF FINALS!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow is the weekend, but you know what, for the next 3 months, it'll be a weekend!! insert evil cackle!! Man, I'm gonna miss summer.
Not to be a bummer, but this is legit going to be my last summer ever. Next year by this time, I should either be in a job...or lol, there's really no other alternative. I have to have a job by then, bc I'll be done with school!!!!!!!! Gah!!! 1 more year, and I'll be done with college!!!!!!! That means, lol, I'll finally be getting on with my adult life! No~ Lol. Yes? Idk.
The frick? What the heck is wrong with her? I give respect to those who give me respect. If you're going to talk to me with an attitude, you're going to be getting attitude back. And if that makes me a brat well then fine. this is going to be my bratty years then. Bc, heck, I was a dang good child. I did everything I was told. Not once did I break the rules. Gosh, I want to move out sooo bad. I can't stand the nagging anymore. Idk if this is moodswings for me or what, but I know, my mom's done a lot for me. Heck she's done everything. But every time she talks, it just irritates me. I've been here way too long. But again, I can't move out until I get a job. Ugh. I just read what I wrote. I really am a brat. I've calmed down. Lol, I'm watching Aladdin.
And no really. I am a brat. A totally worthless one. Gosh. I need to work on my heart. I am grateful for all she's done. I'm sorry for the rant, mom. Just going through my teenage years...lol even though I'm no longer a teenager.
Man wouldn't it be nice to have a magic carpet? :P Or a genie? Or a pet monkey? Lol. Or a pet tiger? I was going to get a goldfish today, but...even though goldfishes are only 17cents. Turns out to be a suitable living space for them is about 300 bucks. Lol. What? I mean, turns out they're suppose to grow to be a feet long...and my little goldfish bowl...lol, would be too cramped for it. So, tis for another day.
I'm on a disney marathon.
And I promised my brother a couple weeks ago, that since it's summer that I would go walking. Lol. 3 hours in the morning. And then 1 hour in the afternoon.
Bro. Dude. This is not cool. I weighed myself and I've gained about 10 lbs since I started college. Stupid stress eating. Hopefully I'll be satisfied with my weight by the end of this summer. And Lol, I wrote promise. But I meant bet. I don't remember the amount he either said 50 or 100 dollars. We never actually pay each other, but it's fun to pick an amount.
Lol. Haven't you ever thought that it would be fun to live in a place with princes and maids and? Lol a chance to fall in love with a different social class? Man, time travel. Man disney makes it look so fun.
Lol. "I didn't expect you to answer!!" Talking animals too. Lol, wait no. Yeah? Would that mean I'd have to be vegetarian? IDK. I don't want to think about this.
I got to get my act together. This summer will be meaningful. >:D
Gah!! See, dreams do come true!!!!Or rather, hard work does pay off!! :O XD
Tuesday, May 10, 2016
♪ I pray you'll be our eyes, and watch us where we go. And help us to be wise in times when we don't know Let this be our prayer, when we lose our way Lead us to the place, guide us with your grace To a place where we'll be safe
God.
Please. Tomorrow. Let tomorrow go well. Please. Please let me remember the things I need to remember. Please, please, I really want to pass. This is going to be my constant prayer until tomorrow is over. Please God let me remember the stuff I studied. Please let this not be ridiculously hard. Please, God. Let me make it through tomorrow in one piece. Please let me make it through Thursday...please...don't let the final be hard. I heard it is and that's why I'm studying, but...my brain feels like it's falling out. I can't believe I did this to myself. I should have done better earlier instead of scraping by on that last last test. I do this to myself every semester and please, let this be my last struggling one. He even gave us the reading assignments for next semester so I can get a head start. And please, please, I really don't want to be the only one that fails, God. Please. God. Please. I can't. I know, that this is pretty dependent on myself, but...I can't help it. When things get rough, I go to you. And while I know that isn't always good, bc things are according to Your will. Well. I feel better knowing that you haven't let go. Sorry. Sorry. Thank you. And Sorry. Sorry God. And Thank you again.
Please. Tomorrow. Let tomorrow go well. Please. Please let me remember the things I need to remember. Please, please, I really want to pass. This is going to be my constant prayer until tomorrow is over. Please God let me remember the stuff I studied. Please let this not be ridiculously hard. Please, God. Let me make it through tomorrow in one piece. Please let me make it through Thursday...please...don't let the final be hard. I heard it is and that's why I'm studying, but...my brain feels like it's falling out. I can't believe I did this to myself. I should have done better earlier instead of scraping by on that last last test. I do this to myself every semester and please, let this be my last struggling one. He even gave us the reading assignments for next semester so I can get a head start. And please, please, I really don't want to be the only one that fails, God. Please. God. Please. I can't. I know, that this is pretty dependent on myself, but...I can't help it. When things get rough, I go to you. And while I know that isn't always good, bc things are according to Your will. Well. I feel better knowing that you haven't let go. Sorry. Sorry. Thank you. And Sorry. Sorry God. And Thank you again.
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