Tuesday, June 27, 2017

If you were by my side and we stumbled in the dark I know we'd be alright ♪

Wah. So it's started, huh? The good to counteract the big bag of suck that was thrown at me.

I'm not sure how long this good news will last for, but I'm gonna milk it while I can.

So like I said, I've been having terrible, terrible, TERRIBLE year. But I just got a call saying that I passed my test!! Haha! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA! I seriously can't believe it. No seriously. I feel like I'm dreaming.

Please don't be a dream. Please.

Hah. I want to celebrate and be happy...but it's always been such a cycle that...I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop? Like it always does.

Anyways, I said that if I was going to pass that I would work on myself, bc I need work. I'm a pretty stinky human being. But the thing is that I want to be better. I can be better. I can do it. Maybe one day even to the point that I'll look in the mirror and be happy with what I see?? Hmm, idk. I'll keep trying. Keep breathing. Keep fighting.

Positives: PASSED SUCKER! EAT THAT HATERS! I'm fixing my sleeping schedule. It's summer so I've been all over the place but I like the one I have now where I sleep around 10 pm. and wake up around 7 am. I also got to eat asian buffet yesterday and it was delicious and I got to eat pizzahut today and that was also delicious.

Goals: I'm been doing this hydrogen peroxide  spray thing to try to lighten my hair and it's been...very slow. lol. I'm trying to get it to be that pretty auburn brown but since my hair is naturally black, it's been quite a struggle. I see parts of it being brown but only when I'm under an artifical lightbulb. lol. so I'm not sure how that's going, but I'm gonna keep trying. I'm not sure if I want to go all the way to blonde though. Oh I'm also trying to get a job. It's not my dream job, but I feel like it's a job that I have to do just to make sure I don't have any regrets before I try to go to my dream job...if that makes any sense. I'm also been on a diet lately. Lol. I use the word diet very loosely. Basically I've just been trying to cut out my midnight snacking since my metabolism is slow as molasses at night. I've lost about 2 pounds in a month...lol, but they that's progress?? Even if it's slow.

Hmmm. I think I'm gonna start working on my writing now. And maybe some manga drawing. And maybe some spanish learning. I'm undecided actually about which language to learn. I want to learn spanish, but I also want to learn japanese so I can read raw mangas. Idk. learning a language is hard.

I have to also call today about lab results...I'm scared. I also have to call back about a possible job.

Did I ever mention how terrified I am of phone calls? Because I really am. Super terrified. But 20 seconds. 20 seconds of courage. Help me God.

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