Saturday, April 30, 2016

(º̩̩́⌣º̩̩̀ʃƪ) It's too cold outside For angels to fly ♪

I got 12+ hours of sleep!! I showered so now I'm clean and rested up for the next week! Yes! 2 more weeks! I wish I had friends to spend the summer with...but I'll just concentrate on losing some weight...or not really losing wt so my arms don't look like my

on that note, my toes are really weird looking. They look like fingers. Which I guess is kind of cool, but not really? IDK

I didn't say this before bc I forgot, but I think this goes under this category. You know about my social anxiety issues right? Well on pretzel day, lol let me think about when that nvm, let me go google it, it was Tuesday, I got a coupon to get a text saying I could get a free pretzel and so I debated whether to go or not...

Lol, it was free so I really wanted to get it, but then I would have to explain how I had a text and I was supposed to get a free pretzel and what if they didn't know what I was talking about? What if they said I needed a coupon? What if they didn't believe me? ๑ΘдΘ๑

Yup. But, I decided to gather my courage and go. And I got it! And it was good. And I shared it with my mom and brother(except he refused

But I bring it up bc I got another free pretzel coupon but for a different place and I'm suppose to go get it today and all those worries before are starting to crop up and bleck. I can do it right? Lol. I wish I was able to say that confidently.

Looking forward to:
Tomorrow being Sunday! I got a weekend where I can study hard, laugh hard, and just try to survive these next two weeks! :C Lol that was suppose to be a happy face. :D Lol, c, and d are close in the alphabet.  So close enough.

So if you see someone you went to school with, would you go say hi? For me, it's no. I'm the kind of person who once I see someone who could possibly know me, I would duck behind whatever's available, wherebeit a tree, sign, different aisle, or whatever, I can't do it.

And by it, I mean:

"Hey my name!"

"...hey! How are you?"

"Good, how about you?"

"Yup, about the same..."




"...I'll see ya later then ok?" Scurries away as fast as I can without looking back. And that's the sum of most of the conversations in real life except with awkward silences interlaced. A joy isn't it?

Friday, April 29, 2016

'Cause we're young and we're reckless We'll take this way too far ♬

I was young. But I had never been reckless. I mean no parties, no drugs, no dating, no rebellion. I mean just in the past few years is where I've been kind of irritated at my parents or people for no reason, which is symbolic of teenage angst but...I'm not a teenager. Lol.

Like I said, I'm a late bloomer. :)

Another day down, dude! And, no matter what anyone says, making it through each day is amazing!

I...didn't cry. Today was worst than other Fridays bc since there was a bit more freetime, so you know lots of downtime to just stand there and talk. Lol, the WORST situation when you have no friends in the class and are just barely polite(lol this is referring to me, bc while I don't purposely try to be rude, it can be taken that way since I don't make eye contact nor do I immediately respond when called). I can't make conversation bc we switch from there just being 2 people to 7 people in a blink and I can't do big groups. I'm ok. OKAY. in small groups but I practically shrink or rather turn invisible when there's lots of people. I can't seem to find the natural breaks to interject words and when I do think of something, it feels like it's too late, so I always end up just not saying anything. And just thank goodness for the distraction of a phone. And the internet. I can surf you guys for hours.

I sent an email for that volunteer opportunity. I didn't get a reply since it's like a week late. But it looks fun. Hope I get to do it, but you know, at least I tried. No regrets. I also sent a text. Lol. Just 3 that confirmed carpool next week. LOl, progress especially when I just don't text at all. Words can scar man.

Looking forward to:
Sleeping. In. Tomorrow. BECAUSE IT'S SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!! YATTA!!!!!!!!!!

Isn't it sad when you find someone who you think is different, but really...they turn out to be the same as everybody else? Which wouldn't technically be a bad thing...unless you yourself(finger guns to myself) aren't like everybody else...Lol.

'Cause, darling, I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream~

lol, not really. It's more like I'm a other comments, that's it. Lol. :O But that's ok. If I'm not happy with myself, then I can't ever expect anyone else to be. So while this may be a long journey to loving myself...I still have quite a while to go considering that people can live to be 100 these days :P

I hope I get the motivation to study tomorrow cause I got a big test and I just need to study bro. Need to study. Aiming for 77 on that final. LOL. I say aiming but that's exactly what I need to pass, so fighting!!

That storm today was brutal though.

I heard there was even hail.

Isn't it interesting that ice falls from the sky? Rain falls from the sky? STUFF FALLS FROM THE SKY????? lol.

I drove in the lightening and it was SO pretty!!! Granted it was kind of scary too but it just felt like I was standing in the midst of something super powerful. The rain was going on for a while so there were puddles everywhere so lights would be reflected in the puddles so it just looked like a long light and I think it's 'cause my contacts are underscript and goodness gracious I think I wasn't even in my lane anymore, I was driving in between the two and thank goodness most sane people are asleep at 6 in the morning. I should have been pulled over by the cops for reckless endangerment, but I guess I should have also woke up a bit earlier so that I wouldn't have had to speed.

There was an "accident", at least I think there was a car accident as I was driving home. And it didn't look bad from what I tried to see. It looked like they had accidentally bumped into the guy's bumper, I didn't see any damage but there probably was some.

Anyways it just reminded me of my car accident. This guy ran into the side of my car and I got pushed off to the side. The left side of the back of my car was completely trashed. The first thing I did was call my mom. Lol, then she called my aunt and brother and basically the whole family. Lol cause that's what we do in my family. Anyways the guy got out of his car and walked over to me, and I get out as he tells me to. Since it's my first accident and I had no freaking clue what to do. He called the cops. And I ask him if he's ok. He talks about his car. Dude.


I ask him if he's ok, even though he crashed into me, and all he cares about is his freaking car?????? Really. And let me just say his freaking car was barely dented. But I had a big hole in mine. Cops came and then he lied. Called in a friend to confirm his lie. And then called in his mom too. This grown up dude he was about 30 freaking called his mom even though I was only 16 years old and then his mom chewed me out for reckless driving when I didn't even do anything. Then they accused me of texting on my phone when lol, get this, my phone doesn't even have texting!! yeah, I've always been old school and couldn't afford messaging on my phone. It was strictly for emergencies only and gosh, thinking about it makes me so mad.


Ok. Apparently yelling bubbles out loud in your angriest voice possible will calm you down and I'm a bit calmer. Anyways, police talked and he kept changing his story. I couldn't say for sure that he ran into me bc it happened so quickly but I can say for sure that he came in from the side cause there was no other way that kind of damage could happen. But I felt bad for him so I just said, I wasn't sure what happened since it happened so fast.

And freaking dude lied.

That's what pissed me off the most. He lied even though before he admitted to running into me.When his mom got there he and his mom talked to the cops and it was such a huge disadvantage that I talked to the cops first. And gah. I should have recorded his confession.

To this day. This is the one guy in the whole world that I hate. And I don't really hate people. I may dislike them, but I wouldn't want harm to come to them.

And honestly I thought I was over this, but thinking about it, I'm not. How can someone do that? So dude that ran into me, I hope karma comes and cuts up your sorry butt.

The officer ruled it as being both of our fault and didn't give us a ticket, but dang, dude, you effing messed up. All you had to do was tell the truth and you straight up lied. I hope that lives on in your conscious forever and haunts you till the day you die. And I know this is horrible, but I hope you die in a car accident. Like a legit accident. And the person who ran into you blames you for it. but you know what you're dead so you can't defend yourself.

Wow, I really am bitter. Sorry for the graphic negativity.

But I'm not going to erase it, bc I have dark thoughts. Morbid evil thoughts.

No one is pure white let alone pure black.

We're all different shades of colors, some darker than others, and you know what, that doesn't have to be a bad thing. :I

I'm starting to fall asleep but I don't want to end on such a hateful note. So here's a joke:

or two. lol that wasn't the joke, here they are:

I wanna make a joke about sodium, but Na...

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

If you need help building an ark, I Noah guy.

Lol. ARen't puns hilarious???? They just make my day!!o(*^▽^*)o

Thursday, April 28, 2016

♫ Did you feel you were tricked By the future you picked? ɿ(。・ɜ・)ɾ

IDK how to do this? HOW DO I TALK TO PEOPLE????????????

When I signed up for this major I didn't think I was gonna have to deal with politics and learn how to kiss people's butts? What? It's like I'm hanging on an edge and my mortal enemy is the only one there. So my only choices are to plummet to my death or throw away all pride/dignity/morals and appeal to my mortal enemy. The choices aren't very pleasant either way.

...done with my long thursdays! Lol today was my last day for that class so glad I'm done there.

I went "out to eat" with my "classmates". Lol so many quotation marks bc I'm not really sure if those are the correct words. Gosh I hate eating out with other people. I'd rather stay in. Socializing? BS. It's just gossiping. And restaurants are rip off artists. I would have rather saved my money; yeah I'm a scrooge sue me. I had already brought my own lunch. I should have just declined the offer. Gah. But no, a part of me was all, hey here's a chance to get close to classmates, don't decline! Blah blah blah. NVM. It's done and over with.

I'm really stupid bc this happens multiples times and I always come to the same conclusion: I'd rather have eaten alone and at home. It's my comfort space. I like my comfort space.

I have one...two more social forced outings and I should be home free for this semester. Gosh, I can freaking do this. >:I

looking forward to:
grrrr...grrrr...what do I even have to look forward to? Sleep? Lol. Usually after the 12 hour days I just conk out. Hopefully I do that tomorrow too.

What am I doing with my life? Hopefully the answer will come soon...

Monday, April 25, 2016

You say it's too late to make it, But is it too late to try? ♬ (≖_≖̥)

What even are hiccups? Gosh I keep telling my brother to scare me so they'll stop, but HE WON'T! That punk.

Lol nvm, I held my breathe and...they're gone! Lol, on the second attempt.

Jerks. Why would you make a fake trailer? ?? You got my hopes up and then crushed them into such itty bitty pieces I can't even see them any more!!! :( Lol, thank you commenters for telling me the truth: there is no friends movies 2016. IT'S A LIEEEEEE! ya jerks.

Positive: I'm done with today. IT'S OVER. OVERRRRRRRR~~~~~

I killed that spider. With a fly swatter. Lol after running away the first time and having my brother deal with it first. See he has a binder that he calls his spider killing binder. Basically he throws the binder at the spider and the jumps on the binder.

So when he saw the spider and yelled. I yelled. He threw. He jumped. And so the binder sat there for 2 hours. Bc it's been established that he kills spiders and I clean up the residue.

So I go to clean it up. I flip the binder over. And I see flailing of spider legs.


I sit there and stare at it for a bit, not sure if I actually saw it move or if it was just residual dead twitching.

It moves. I move. Well, ran to to the kitchen to find my handy dandy flyswatter. I come back and it's like running  a marathon to the carpet. I attack. I miss. I attack again. And again. And again. And oh my gosh spider's are so smart.

That thing was playing dead for 2 hours. 2 HOURS!!! Man. But you can't fool me Mr. Spidey! I got you!!! that I think about it, I'm kind of sad too. I's not like the spider did anything wrong...and yet, it went to spidey heaven. At least I didn't suck it up in my spider vacuum. Lol, yes I have a vacuum that I use to suck up spiders. I'm scared to empty the thing bc what if all the spiders swarm out when I open it and attack me for revenge?

My brother says they're probably still alive in there!!! :OOOOO

What if they crawl out of there and I just keep sucking back up the same spider???????

EEk, I'm getting jittery and panicky about everything that touches me. Stupid loose hair that reminds of spider feet.

RUNNING MAN was nice. Like I said, they'll always be my silver lining for mopey no sleep mondays.

Well I took that test. Yessiree I did ma'am, sir, guy, gentlemen. Dude...I have no clue what's going to happen. I'm scared. Terrified. And going to start studying for the final, bc man I got no choice. I need to pull it in for the long haul.

I took the initiative and asked someone to be my partner for the group project. Thank goodness she's nice and smart. We worked well together. Too bad we have to present it next Monday. I'll get there when I get there.

And um...I also have another group teaching project on monday and the group that I'm in hasn't done anything and I'm worried, but I know I worry too much, and agggggggggggggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!! One day at a time bro! XD

Turns out also when I was freaking out about that missed test, 6 other people in my class also forgot to take the test. Derp. Worried my butt for nothing. SMH.

Man drinking water tastes best out of a glass bottle. It's so nice and shiny and cool looking!

Looking forward to:
Being CLEAN TOMORROW. Man it's been flaming HOT today and tomorrow. I'm burning up here.
And that tends to make me agitated and grrrrrrrr, I need to turn on the fan. The air conditioning is too intermittent.

LOl, shout out to Joey Tribbiani: How you doin'?

Sad fact. Attractive people DO have it better in life. Science says so. They get treated better. And we do this most of the time unconsciously. Yawn~ Me needs sleep.

Sorry skipped around a bunch today but I just realized that I'm running on ~3 hours of sleep so since I don't really interact with anyone in my classes, this is where my loopiness sets loose. XD :P O>O

OH! oh. You know that guy I usually walk to my car with after class? Since class was cancelled last monday, today was AWKWARD. Lol, it's like we went back to the beginning of class. I couldn't talk  for nothing. I wish there was a gum I could eat so I could have better conversation skills. There's this chick in my class and she's so witty and interactive, I'm just thinking, what did she do to be able to talk to people like she does? I mean I read books, but I can't mimic their witty interactions. But w/e we only got about 3 more classes together and we'll go on our merry way. Kind of sad, but I don't really keep in contact with people that much I wonder if I could ask him for a selfie though before class is over just to commemorate. Or would that be weird, lol. I like having proof that I talk to people other than my family. Lol. Or is that sad. DON'T PITY ME. XD

Lol, it can't be too late right? It can't be. (lol, again with the british accent everytime I use the word can't. My mind is so silly). There's so many memes on instagram about like a building on fire and the caption: me trying to save my grades; or that one with flushing the spider with the same caption. Lol. So true. Guys, we all share the same struggle, let us join hands and pray we make it through this semester. Seriously I have to make it.

I'm sitting on this bun+thigh roller and it's so fun. It's like I'm in a circus working on my balancing act. Lol, this is not the appropriate use of this exercise machine. But, it's still fun. I wonder if I could work on my buns and thighs this way though. That'd be a nice side effect. Hehehehe. L: :P

MMMM, guess that's all folks! (˘ε˘̩ƪ)

Sunday, April 24, 2016

♪ This is the story of a girl Who cried a river and drowned the whole world ˚‧º·(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )‧º·˚

Well I didn't have to go to school AND I got to sleep till noon, so 6 hours of sleep which is pretty good for me. XD I actually woke up at noon then realized oh that was only 3 hours and went down for some more dreams.

Lol, they were useless dreams though. Just about manga. I would have rather dreamed about the stuff that would be on the test tomorrow.

I ate fried bananas today; I haven't had them in a while but they were as delicious as I remembered last time. :P

Studied. Lol, I hope it pays off, I really need to do well on this test, but there's SO much material to learn, I have no clue what's going to be on there.  There are way too many diseases in the world, no wonder doctors specialize.

Looking forward to tomorrow:
Lol, that nap I get to take after the test is over. Goodness tomorrow's going to be a long day. I hope it's not to hot so I can sleep in my car, if not I'm going to have to go the library and actually do work. Lol which can be a good thing... And there's suppose to be a group project I have to do and ugh, I can make it through the day, but God give me strength to not lash out at anyone.

My right nostril has been stopped up like crazy and it's so uncomfortable to breathe and I'm itchy. All these bugs keep biting me. And don't you guys have your own food to eat? Why do you have to feed on human flesh? We're really not that yummy, if anything we're kind of rotten.

Lol, I wish I had the courage to go to prom when I was in high school. I got invited to go as a group, but the people in the group I wasn't that close to, so I didn't take the invite, I should have though, they were all really nice people. I guess I assumed I was invited out of politeness and I was just scared of intruding. Lol, I'm still scared nowadays of invading on other people's friendships. That's why I like new classes so much where no one knows each other. It puts us all, almost, on the same playing field. Lol. Well, gotta blast.

Please God, let tomorrow go over ok and let me know most of the questions on the test! I feel like the material shouldn't be that bad, but idk, it seems hard...I'll keep studying. Fighting!! (੭ ˃ ㅂ˂)੭ु

Saturday, April 23, 2016

I raise my flag and dye my clothes It's a revolution, I suppose We're painted red to fit right in ♬ くコ:彡

It's a revolution somehow.

I got buttercream bread. I ate too much so my stomach hurts, and I feel sleepy.

I introduced myself twice. I hate introductions, bc my name is weird so no one remembers it anyways...

I got told once since it was so unique people would remember it, not true.

Look forward to:
Sleep. Study. Pass my test.

I wish I could get rid of this greedy part of me. So, when I was driving home today, I drove with the passenger's window down bc it was hot and I don't like putting the driver's window down bc then if I look to the left at a stoplight/stop sign, I got other people and their peopleness looking back at me.

Anyways, so I stop at a redlight and there are these kids...I knew it. When there are people on the side of the road that aren't walking, they gonna be asking for money. And it's not like I could just roll up the window or pretend I didn't hear them. So the kid came to my car, asked if I wanted to donate to a basketball club or game or something like that.

I look at the red light wishing it would hurry up, course I got sunglasses on(rocking my shades), and when the kid asked me, my immediate response was, "Uh, I don't know if I have any money with me right now..." trailed off and then opened up that pocket drawer thing that's between the driver's and passenger's seats. And lo and behold, there's  a 20$ bill right there. The kid glances at it and whispers something to his friend. I look at the kid and then back at the money and...I gave him the money. Lol, what was I suppose to do? Was that even the right thing to do?

My logic cringes saying "What a waste of money! You should have drove faster!" Lol, but then the angel in me is all, "good job, you did something for someone else for once, and gah, I know 20$ doesn't seem like a lot to some people, but that's a lot for donations, and I didn't get anything in return."

Gosh, I'm so sleepy, my contacts hurt so bad, I have to finish this and study.

I wish I was one of those people who're able to just give everything to others...I'm too dang selfish to do that. Gosh, So dang sleepy. I've had 4 minute ine

Lol, so it's 10 in the morning and I just woke apparently I fell asleep last night while I was typing. I don't even know what I was going to say or what that word is suppose to be, so I'll just leave it. But what I wanted to say was that there are so many people who give money and stuff and themselves to others, but I'm all, "No. This is mine. Why should I share." And ugh, I need to just grow up(lol even though I'm an adult), besides what am I gonna do with stuff anyways? I can't take it with me when I die. So God, please give me a heart.

MMM, I'm watching Tarzan and I LOVE IT SO MUCH! Come on people, we live together on this planet, why can't we just get along. Yesh, Yeah I know about the whole chain of command and prey and predator and circle of life(lol different movie), makes me sad, that death is really inevitable..:(

So on that note, try to be a better person than you were yesterday. Whether that be kinder, more positive, or more active, just stop standing there like you're stuck in mud or have chains around your ankles bc the only thing tying you down is get it together! Man, buddy, pal, I know it's not easy, but take that step instead of just standing there. :) Fighting!! o((*^▽^*))o

So update again, this time for 4.23

Bless her heart. I almost had a heart attack bc I thought I had missed a test today; granted it was a practice test, but it was a mandatory one, so I was all kinds of freaking out. So I emailed the teacher and like I said, bless her soul, she reopened it for me and I was able to take it. So grateful she was even awake and that she even answered. Some teachers don't, so I was just grateful from the bottom of my heart. I didn't do too well, lol got a 54% but, it was a practice test and for some reason I felt rushed. And, not all there bc I had forgotten bc there was that major test on monday and so bleck, kill me now, curse my obsessive personality, so focused on that test I had forgotten about the one today. Lol anyways, I did it and the real one should be sometime next week and hopefully I'll do better on that one. :) Fingers crossed and heart locked.

I'm studying now and planning to study until it's time to wake up Monday. I ate all the buttercream bread. Lol, I sat there for legit 20 minutes just staring at the last inch wanting to savor it, but really needing to finish it and my stomach hurt, but I didn't just want to leave it there and finally consumed the thing. It was delicious!!! Thank you all bakers and cooks and chefs of the world. and thank you for the invention of sugar and sweets bc they really do make the world go round. My brother said something that kind of hit home:

Me: "You know, I'm ok with being fat bc eating makes me happy."

Him:" Yeah, for now. But then after you're done eating-"

Me:"-I'm sad..."


Me:"Huh. I guess it's vicious cycle. I eat to be happy. But once I'm done eating, I'm sad. So I eat again, even though I'm not hungry."

Him: Duh look. "And laying like a bum on that couch ain't helping your situation either."

And then slew of insults and punches ensue. Lol, you know typical sibling fight.

○| ̄|_  but, he's got a point. I have to learn to curb my sweet tooth and I even refused to go walking today and instead just stayed inside reading manga....( ु•̫•̫ ु) lol, what am I even doing with my life?

look forward:
to studying, bc it does feel good to learn, and I don't dislike learning, honestly I do like it even though I complain about it. It just feels like my brain is so tiny and there's SO MUCH to learn, not just for school, but to survive in modern life. And I'm ALWAYS, always forgetting stuff so sometimes the motivation isn't there bc I know I'll just forget what I just learned.

Thursday, April 21, 2016

♪ Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up We're hiding behind skin that's too tough ┌[ ʘ̆ ۝ ʘ̆ ]┐

You know the best feeling in the world?

It's eating when you're hungry. Like legitly hungry, Not, oh, I've been sitting here for a few hours, I guess I should go eat. Or I'm going to eat because I'm watching television. Or I'm going to eat because I don't want to do my hw. Lol, I've done all these things, but no, today, I didn't get to eat until around 2 in the afternoon and the only thing I had all day was a 1/4th of a granola bar and 2 sips of water. At one point I swear my stomach was eating itself. And because I was standing around most of the day, there were some points where my vision was getting tunneled(you know where blackness starts creeping around the edges)...I really should eat breakfast, but back to what I was saying, when I finally got to eat, it tasted AMAZING. I don't think I've ever been so grateful for food in my life. I mean, it's something I really take for granted because I can get it whenever I want, but man, I'm so thankful that I was able to eat...because man I ate.

The people I got to shadow today were exquisitely wonderful. LOl, I found one of my own kind!! I'm not an alien, I promise well I guess if I was that would be the first thing I would say...

okay, anyways there was a guy where I was today and he was "quiet"! What? Don't look at me like that. He was like me, but good looking. Lol, some people are so blessed. But anyways, he even has that whole I want to help, but I don't know what to do demeanor. Lol, basically a clumsy bum with good a sentence that describes me so well.

Oh, I got to take a 4 hour nap, since I woke up at 5:30 in the morning and slept at 1:00 A.M. Lol, I just woke up about 30 minutes ago. I didn't get any hw done, but I did go walking today for about 40 minutes, which was nice. I love exercising, it's just so much work, lol.

Man, I need to get motivated because summertime=exercise time.

And, and, and! I got this post out before midnight. Lol, I really hate it when I write past midnight because it feels like I"m missing a deadline. Anyways, I'm gonna go finish eating my chicken sandwich(yes, I'm a night eater, bite me...not really, bc that's not really my thing bc it hurts....), and possibly a cupcake, bc I made those punks and so I gotta eat those punks.

Looking forward:
Tomorrow being over, lol, I've only got 4 more 12 hour days and I am finished, FINISHED BABY!!!, with this semester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know how freaking awesome that is??????????????? I am so ready for summer!

Man, I'm debating whether to shower or not, the oils in my hair are not chilling and are multiplying all over my head.

Lol, do what you gotta do HOME SKILLET BISCUIT!! Lol, I can't deal with Raven she's so funny! I miss that show! <3

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

I'm running and not quite sure where to go..,•*¨*•♫

It's been roughly a month since I've started and, I'm not sure how and if there's any difference in the me today and the me from a month ago. I mean, I can't say that I'm happier. I can't say that I have more friends. I can't say that life is finally going in the right direction. There wasn't really an epiphany of difference.

Maybe I was expecting too much. Maybe I didn't do this correctly. Maybe I screwed this up. Maybe it's too soon to tell?

Maybe I am a bit more positive. I used to have a twitter where every other post would either be, "I hate this class", "I hate my life" or "I hate so and so" or "This is so annoying", but I haven't really posted anything on the twitter since I've started this. There was that one incidence where the teacher made me do something I was uncomfortable with doing and so I tweeted ~5 straight tweets about how he needed to get an attitude check. Lol. But, when I reread what I wrote on that twitter, it made me realize just how much I needed a change.

It was depressing. It was like a cry for help. It was like my thinking was that if my life was so hateful, everyone else's life should be just as hateful...which is really trashy of me. :X

I read an article somewhere that negative behaviour is contagious...but there's also articles about how positive behaviour is also contagious...if both of them are "catchable" shouldn't we be spreading the good one around?

Raspberry mojito is a kind of cocktail drink I think. The cupcakes tasted ok, but I realized that lime and cupcakes don't go very well together. I mean the cupcake tasted fine, but the frosting was where there was a lot of lime and the sweet and sour just didn't mix that well for me. :? bleck. I'll still eat it, of course, :P, but I wonder what I'm going to do with the other packet of icing...

The granola bars turned out ok...I found the coconut after I finished making them(lol gonna use them for the rest of the 3 packets), and they were a bit dry and I didn't follow the recipe at all, lol, but it turned out edible, so yay! xD I really don't like instant reminds me of baby food...which I have, it was my brother's and I was wondering how he could eat the stuff...poor babies...

I can see the bottom of my closet now...which is quite an accomplishment considering how much clothes were piled down there. I wonder why I keep shopping when I obviously have enough clothes to last me for the rest of my life. Curse all you shiny things! O.O

Looking forward to:
This week has gone by fairly fast, don't you think? It's already Thursday, and I've got a 9 hour day tomorrow which starts early in the morning...:I Well, it shouldn't be too bad. Then I got a 12 hour day after that which should be fine considering, I passed the disaster last week. Now it's just a matter of time going by fast enough so that summer is here.

Tanning really isn't good for you...I used to like tanning a lot because I have dark hair, but basically when you tan, it's your skin cells screaming for help, and then when you get sunburned, it's your skin cells burning to death...tragic, really. Sunscreen has become my best friend. :) The sun emits two types of light: visible light and UV light. The UV light is what burns you. And well, let's just say, the sun is what's causing people to prematurely age and have such damaged skin. I have horrible skin across my cheeks and nose because that's where I consistently get sunburned and the area is so damaged, it's sad. AND...turns out you're suppose to reapply sunscreen approximately every 2 hours...which I don't remember reading on the bottle...but yeah. And you should apply it 20-30 minutes before you go outside and turns out there's no such thing as "waterproof" sunscreen, bc after you get out of the water, you should immediately reapply sunscreen. I'd really like to NOT get skin cancer, if you know what I mean, so take care of yourself.

I wish there was a way I could read people's minds and then help them with what they need. I can't get them to open up to me, and it's so hard just standing there being helpless as their life crumbles and you don't know why, or how to help. Sigh...I'll continue this project for say a year and see if I get anywhere with my life...a year should be enough...and maybe one day, I won't have to write day what was good about the day, life will just be...good. haha, that would be nice.

aahaha, I was a bit early today, but I don't want to forget like I've been doing.

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

:) By the way I made it through the day I watch the world outside ♫

I remember what I was so happy about over the past weekend I finally got my passport!!! Ah, it's soooo cool looking! ANd shiny and soft and nice looking and now I can travel freely and see the world! XD

I found a new korean variety show to watch! It's called fantastic duo and it has singing and competition and I just love it so much!!! I just found it about an hour ago after finishing the new episode of 1d2n which was really charming. Jong min ah is such a doll.

I've always wanted to be a singer, if only I had the voice for BUT that doesn't stop me from singing. I sing all the time. (Г・ω・)г

Finished one chapter for the test monday, you know that test I gotta pass to make it through this semester! And it was surprisingly an interesting chapter, so it was fun to read, go figure.

Looking forward to:
Suppose to be making food tomorrow...cake and granola bars? Lol, gonna try to make granola bars out of instant oatmeal and raspberry mojito cake...not sure how that's gonna go, but well...I'll update tomorrow. unless the house is burnt down. Cooking can be dangerous. (❁°͈▵°͈)

4 MORE WEEKS!!!!!!!!!! ヽ(⌐■_■)ノ♪♬

Monday, April 18, 2016

♪ And I'm thinking 'bout how people fall in love in mysterious ways °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖°

Isn't love strange? Lol. Sorry, it's just I've always wanted to be in love, but then again not really. O.o

Passed my test!!! Hehe, teach is awesome!!! She understands that stress does nothing good for us students especially when it's to much stress!! Now I just gotta worry about that other test.

Had me some fried rice today, it was delicious!!

Running man was touching today. Episode 295...ji hyo made me cry and awww, seriously all of them have such a darling relationship with each other.

I took a nap in my car...and it wasn't in the backseat this time! Lol, that doesn't sound big, but usually I worry about what people think about me since I sleep and eat in my car. Lol, no I don't live in it...I just don't like eating in the cafeteria and the library stinks for sleeping bc people talk too much go figure.

But I finally, finally figured out how to pull that stupid thing down. And by thing I mean, my chair. I was able to lean it all the way back and it's daebak, awesome!!! So once I figured that out, I pulled it so it was all the way back, basically it looked liked a long bed and I just slept, baby, slept. It was cloudy outside today but still bright so I put my jacket over my eyes. Thank goodness it was cloudy today and not blazing hot or else I would have suffocated. Lol to all those people who walked by my car and saw me sleeping. You gotta do what you gotta do. :P It was nice bc I got an hour and a half nap, and it was niiiice. Lol. XD

Finished c my psych hw too. I'll be honest, I'm willing to take hits in points there bc it's way too much work to  try when I've been trying all semester.

Look forward to:
I really, really want to wake up early tomorrow and go walking...but idk how that's going to go. Or at least get into a morning exercise routine...wherebeit just a 5-10 min routine, I just want to do something. I'll finish my readings at school tomorrow. GEt to shower tomorrow too...well I'm debating whether to shower today or tomorrow...:O What should I do??? I like going to sleep clean, but it's almost 11 at night and I'm so sleeeeepy. O:

Some rantings from yesterday that I didn't get to share:

I'm seriously thinking of boycotting Walmart. Their prices aren't great; heck yeah thank you Aldis. But it feels like every time I go there, there's an employee that's rude. And yeah, I get it, it's not an awesome, amazing job, but it's your job chica. You're getting paid to work there, the least you could do is be polite. You don't have to yell. You don't have get an attitude with me just because I've never used a credit card before, or because I like to admatch(is saving money such a hard thing for you to understand?), or because you don't like your job. I can tell by your face you don't like it. And honestly if you hate it that much you..w/e, you just do you. It's not that hard to be polite. I was polite to you and even said thank you even though I really just wanted to say "shut your face you expired coupon." I don't like being rude, but if you're rude to me, I honestly want to be rude back, but I was taught manners, so I'm sorry you have a ding dong job, but don't take it out on others, please.

Lol now that I'm done with that.

...hmm, there was something else too but it escapes my brain rn.

Good things. I had a convo with a girl in my class and we literally just sat there talking instead of doing classwork. It was nice, bc like I said without this last class I literally don't talk throughout the day. Yeah, working on my social skills. Lol, pssh look at me. She was nice and he came and talked too. We're still walking out of class together so that's nice.

It really is nice having people talk to me and with people that I can talk with. This is why I kind of like new classes where noone knows each other.

Oh! And today I almost forgot my ipad in my classroom. This is the first time I've ever been grateful my whole class is full of extroverts except for me. Just as I was about to leave one of the girls in my class called out to me and I went back to get the ipad. I was so grateful and lol, kind of embarrassed I forgot something so important.

Oh man dry ice is so cool!!! I told my brother I would get some and put it under his bed so that when he woke up he would see smoke like clouds on the floor and I'd tell him it was poison so he couldn't walk in it. And, but it looks so cool, it'd be like walking on clouds and GAH IT'S SOOO COOL! lol, he said I was stupid and he already knows what dry ice looks like lol. w/e hermano.

I had a thought today. Lol, I have many thoughts, don't be misinformed. But when I went to the restroom at school and saw my reflection, it made me sad bc my reflection there looks bad. But my reflection in my home mirror looks good. So I just want to know...which is my true reflection? Which one do I really look like???????

Hmmmm....4 more weeks and then HOME FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SUMMER BABY, HERE I COME!! lol, there was something else important I wanted to talk about, but I forgot what it was... boo :I

Anyways, lovely and non lovely people/animals or w/e creature you are, don't forget to eat. Bc, food is good. And sleep is good too. Smiling and laughing though is prob the best, so if you can take some of that. ::)))

Sunday, April 17, 2016

Yeah, yeah I could use a dream or a genie or a wish To go back to a place much simpler than this ♫ (๑´ㅂ`๑)

Sorry...this weekend was just messed up for me bc I had school on Saturday. May I just say...that is NEVER a good idea. But despite it being you know 12 hours and I didn't get my day of doing went quite well.

God gave me a break and the things I was worried was needless. Lol, really it's always like this, I worry over the stupid stuff and it always turns out that I didn't need to worry about those things.

Gosh, I should be doing hw, but I've been watching youtube videos since 10. Lol, I forgot about this guy I had subscribed to: CrazyRussianHacker; but he popped up in my feed and the thumbnail looked funny so I clicked and here I am. lol, I love his voice, it's just so nice to listen to and his videos are awesome.

So gonna make this short and sweet bc I've got a couple essays to pound out before I hit the hay. My eyes have been killing me. I thought glasses would make them less dry, but they're so hard to open.


I...went outside!!! Lol, but it was all cloudy and gloomy. I wore my glasses outside and lol, I'm such a dork. When people saw me, I'm sure everyone could see that. But that's ok, if you're gonna love me for my looks...well that's not the way to go. Then again, my personality ain't all that great either. Well, if anyone does end up loving me, you're a saint! lol. <3

I wore my glasses all day today...the world was very dizzying. eyes really have gotten bad, bc when I took a break and took my glasses off to look at my phone, it was only like an inch from my face and I still couldn't see it. :( I wish there was a way to go back and stop myself from reading in the dark...

Went to fix a phone bill. Why is paying so complicated? Seriously, they're all ripoff artists. I wanna get Ting, but it looks too good to be true :P

Look forward to:
Doing something other than lying around doing nothing. Bc while that's fun and awesome and probably my favorite thing in the world...if I keep doing this, I'm gonna turn into a pile of worthless cells. So out into the world I venture tomorrow!!!

Promise that tomorrow's post will be longer, but I really got to get started on my hw. I've got a test tomorrow too, and I really don't want to compromise my sleep too much. So good day or night, world, may we all rest in peace. “(`(エ)´)ノ

Friday, April 15, 2016

♬ (人・㉨・)♡ Ah, when you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

I thought I loved people for their eyes. You know, beautiful blue, green, hazel, just these spectacular universes that are in people's faces. But I realized that more than anything, a person's smile is what captures me. It seriously makes me look past my vanity and think, "wow, you're so beautiful when you smile; your face literally changes and it's SO beautiful." No joke. And I don't mean one of those fake smiles or beautiful smiles that beautiful people have, but the kind of smile where your eyes and forehead just get all these wrinkles and you look almost deranged or evil but it's beautiful. Because it's a smile that's not confined. It's a face that seriously makes me want to do stupid things just so I can see you smile. And I'm not a funny person.

God was seriously into something when He let us have the ability to smile. Yeah life stinks and we're given all these trepidation and trials, but I gotta focus on these little things or else I'm really not going to make it. This world is just too cruel without the little things.

I was actually falling asleep on the couch and went to my room to sleep but then I remembered I forgot to write and so I felt bad since I was blessed with such an easy day. But, turns out I was wrong, today wasn't my hard day, it's tomorrow that'll kill me. ;/ we're supposed to bring food tomorrow. I can't cook?lol and for some reason it looks shabby if I just bring a bag of chips or something. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Oh and sometimes I have this urge to just go to my knees and thank God. Today was one of those knees. As I was laying in bed a couple minutes ago, I just felt this urge to thank Him on my knees and I couldn't go to sleep if I didn't bc today went quite well. There was one malfunction that frustrated me to no end, but...what can you do when technology just doesn't work well with you? :P

So positive:
It's over!!!! And I survived! And sometimes that's all I can ask from a day. Thank you for a teacher that doesn't yell at me for being slow. My brain already doesn't function under pressure and so thank you for giveimg me a patient teacher this semester. :)

I managed to stay busy and not dawdle around but tomorrow may be a different story. I learned that people...all have their own stories and what you see really is just the tip of the iceberg. So no matter how much you want to judge someone .... Don't do it. You don't know their joys, their worries, their pain.

Looking forward to:
I'm suppose to get an extra 30 minutes of sleep but unfortunately,  I gots to go buy food. If only I want so damaged by other people rejecting my food. Seriously. Someone gives you food and you take it...don't spit it out right in front of them. It's called being polite. Idc if you think that's a lie, don't do that. It didn't happen to me just once, but twice bc I usually don't mind sharing my food. But she spit it out twice in front of me and I just looked the other way bc ugh, what a waste of my food and seriously sorry I'm a little miffed bc she just seemed so ungrateful eating it. Yeah I'm traumatized. Sue me.

I need to sleep but now my brain's awake. Should I just stay awake? Or should I sleep? I love pandora. It's so nice. I have an immortal radio station and all the songs are so catchy!!!

Once again, thank you God for letting today be finally over. And...good night. Sweet dreams bc heaven knows that's the only place I can find friends and adventures and love. And hopefully not nightmares. Hope I didn't jinx it. Seriously I need to sleep. I have to wake up at 5:30z why aren't my feet moving? Why are my eyes still wide open? Brain, why don't you shut up? Fingers stop typing!!! Lol I love the sounds of the keyboard it makes me want a typewriter. Sorry off topic again. I keep thinking this mole on me is a bug bc it's so dark and I jiggle my leg so it's moving in my peripheral vision and it freaks me out lol. Why are my moles so bug like looking?

Ok seriously. I'm done.

I ate garlic. And it burns. No wonder vampires don't like it.

Though I would think garlic would make the blood garlicky and that doesn't sound too bad. The night scares me but I also like staying up...

It's highly possible my brain was abductee by aliens and transplanted with a squirrel's. My attention span is shot rn. Why's this phone keyboard so small? Autocorrect keeps correcting me to the wrong words so excuse the typos. The screen is small. It makes me feel like a giant! I've always wanted to be tall and I like mini things.

Thursday, April 14, 2016

♪ /(・ × ・)\ Old but I'm not that old Young but I'm not that bold

...I'm stressing really, really bad rn. Today is the first in a while that I've felt so drained. Honestly, anxiety is such a killer. And these new glasses while cool looking, are giving my left eye a major headache. New glasses=better vision but headaches.

...ooh baby tomorrow's the day when I'm going to have to face all my fears, so God, please don't let go of my hand. Please help me get through this's been such a rough ride that if I fail now...Idk what I'm going to I'm going to give it my all, but God...please...

something positive about the day:
Got up to school on time and didn't get lost. It was really just a straight path.

Oh! And I found this AMAZING korean drama yesterday and it's been my source of happiness, it's called Crime Squad. Love it, so much!! Watched 2 episodes yesterday and 2 today. I'm trying to pace myself...but we'll see how that goes. The main leads are daebak!

what I had accomplished:
Went walking even though I felt exhausted.

Actually wrote in this blog even though I'm not feeling motivated, at all.

something I look forward to the next day:
It being over.

So people of the Earth, have a good day tomorrow, and if it turns out to stink...well, we'll enjoy our stinky days together(because these bad days just make us more grateful for the good days)...through the power of venting and the internet and bad habits like eating and obsessing over online, it's how I deal. And that's okay. :)

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

♪ Cause nobody wants to be the last one there Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares I failed my the one that I took Monday. I got a 60%...which is probably one of the lowest grades I've ever gotten. But I'm thinking this might have happened for a reason. I was so worried about Friday, but rn I'm more worried about this, I like being worried about this class instead of this may actually be a blessing in disguise.

Don't get me wrong, I knew I failed the test since I only studied it the night before for about 2-4 hours and then slept for an hour then went to school...but there was that insane part of me that was all, oh well, maybe I didn't fail the know? But, usually I know when I fail. Guess that means I just have to do better on the next one. Gosh, then after test is the final and frustrating.

SO freaking ready for summer. !!!!

something positive about the day:
well, the fail made me a bit motivated to get off my butt and do, we all know how hard that is. Things that stay in motion will stay in motion and things that stay at rest will stay at rest until an opposing force acts on it. Well there's my force. Guess, I better go be productive. Yay me. That was a dispirited yay me. Man, I hate studying. But I guess learning something is always good...

what I had accomplished:
Well, I got up before noon, which is good for me. I showered, so I'm also clean. That's always good. Planned on cleaning my room...but don't really know how that's going since the unmotivated part of me is saying I needs to study!!!!

something I look forward to the next day:
...idk, it should be just an average school day tomorrow instead of a 12 hour day, so that's good. I do have an almost 1 hour drive to and then an hour drive back, so lots of driving tomorrow. At least I get to listen to music then...:O


Be true to yourself don't miss your chance
And you won't end up like the fool who ripped
His pants♪ SPONGEBOB FOR LIFE!!! He's a talking sponge for crying out loud! 

So update: Just came back from my class. Turns out it was cancelled, but I stayed after to practice, since I drove up there anyways, I figured I should do something. It was fun~. And hey, I really, really love classes where everybody gets along simply bc nobody knows each other, so there's no preconceived notions, everybody, just talks to everybody, and it's just so~ nice!!! XD I'm legitly going to miss this class and I haven't missed a class since elementary school, that's a long freaking time. 

Also, I wanted to write the review on the library book I just finished, that I forgot to do earlier. Not really review, but more of a summary in case I ever want to read it again. The book was called Barabbas by: Pär Lagerkvist translated by Lucien Maury; thank you for translating and thank you for writing this. First of all, it's fiction and second of all, I love stories about minor historical characters, I mean just bc they're minor doesn't mean they don't have their own stories. So, if you've ever heard about Jesus, then you'll know that the people had to choose between two people to crucify: Jesus or Barabbas. So this book tells the story of Barabbas, the man who was released in place of Jesus. It tells of his life after being set free. He saw Jesus get crucified and thus his life is forever changed. He goes through his life being constantly reminded of this man who took his place, this man who essentially gave him freedom, this man who called himself the Son of God, this man that brought into the world a God that resembled love. But, the twist in the story is that even though Jesus interests him and he meets other people whose lives have been changed by Jesus...for some reason every time he's asked if Jesus is his God, he either refuses to answer or denies it. He even at one point came to engrave the name Christos Iesus on his slave disk, but then he encounters a situation where where the name is crossed out. He basically spends the rest of his life trying to find his faith and then...sorry spoiler alert, at the very, very end, literally the last line in the book: "-To thee I deliver up my soul. And then he gave up the ghost." 

I think that means the author wants us to know that at the very end, he confessed his faith in God...but it doesn't spell it straight out. Well that's what I'm gonna conclude and lol, this author has quite a familiar writing style to my own, so it was such a nice see. I enjoyed the book, bc like I said I'm a historical buff, but remember people this is fiction, so don't get offended, cause heaven knows everyone just gets offended over everything these days. It was a good read and I'm glad I checked it out.

Now that that's over, I'm going to go eat!! Mauauahah, get ready to be filled with fat, tummy!!! >:D

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

(-‿◦) Easy come, easy go That's just how you live, oh ♫

something positive about the day:
Wore my new shirt that I bought last week!! Lol, I don't really like when I see people wearing the clothes that I wear which is why I usually don't wear new clothes, but it was a red shirt and I was really in the mood for red, so...yup.

Hehe, I woke up at 10:40 today! That's freaking awesome! Bc, I didn't sleep till about 1 last night. It was so chilly and I wear shorts to bed so...brrrr.

I ate grilled chicken breast sandwich! Well, half. and it was goood! Drank my dose of milk today too. Trying to stay hydrated.

what I had accomplished:
FINISHED MY NOTES FOR THE TEST MONDAY!!! Yay! Now, I just got to get studying!!! I made gift boxes! He's really good at explaining and I just used this old calender that I had that has gorgeous pictures!

something I look forward to the next day:
Wednesday is my do nothing day!! And no partner class tomorrow!!!

So, just a bit of a rant today.

My friend that I've known from elementary school told me she had been bullied in junior and part of high school... I was all ଽ (৺ੋ ௦ ৺ੋ )৴ who the eff are these people? And where the eff was I? I was blessed with an ok school life. Didn't have a lot of friends, sometimes I didn't have any, but I was never bullied. I honestly didn't know what to say so I apologized. I mean, I felt bad bc I was her friend and I didn't even know anything. She said it happened when I wasn't there...but it just makes me feel horrible. I want to put it off as kids being kids,'s things like calling people names and insulting them for simply being themselves that makes people have trust issues. Words freaking hurt and I think that's one of my issues too.

I'm not gonna lie. I did something in junior high that I'm pretty much haunted by nowadays. There was a guy on the bus and he told me to sit with him and I did on the way up but then this other girl was basically trashtalking him and told me not to sit with him, stupid me didn't say anything to defend the guy and just sat there with the trashtalking girl. and I just...if I could go back in time I swear I would karate chop myself. Seriously, one of my most ashamed moments. I was basically the same as the trashtalking girl bc I didn't say anything. Seriously you wanna talk about peer pressure, that was mine. I didn't get asked to do drugs or smoke, but it was people talking bad about others and then they would look to me and I'd just be "..." One of my pet peeves now prob cause of this incident.

Also one of the reasons I find it so hard to make friends with the people in my class. They literally just sit around and talk bad about others...ugh, I'm not going there. They can do what they want with their lives. I mean they look happy enough, so whatever. I'm probably already their enemy for not joining in.

But that's one among 3 incidents that have basically tied up my mouth around people I don't know. I'm so scared that something I say is going to offend or hurt others that I've become resigned to just not saying anything. I mean I've always been a quiet child, but now I'm almost a silent child. If it wasn't for my family, I could literally go months without speaking. Lol.

Something happy...hmmm oh! An interesting fact. Eventually the sun will eat the earth! Lol, I imagine it'll be something similar to, probably not, but I really loved playing the game pacman. My brother and I would stay up trying to beat the arcade version and get a higher lvel on the ps2. Man, I miss those days!

Monday, April 11, 2016

It's hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep 'Cause everything is never as it seems ♬ (◎ヮ◎)

something positive about the day:
Almost done with my book! It's seriously SO good! I'll probably write a review on it here when I'm done with it. We had to divide into groups again today, but luckily the teacher has sense so she made it so that everyone basically knew where they were going. I had two choices. The 4 member group or the 3 member group. I went with the 4 to make 5 bc I didn't want to split up the two at the back which would have happened if I had went with the three. So thank you chica for inviting me but I didn't want there to be...a hassle. The teacher was really nice for making that review for the test next Monday.

Got to watch my running man!! lol Idc what people say about the show. I <3 it! I may have started watching running man for the games but I'm staying for the cast. I seriously love them all so much. They could literally just sit there and just talk and I would be happy with it.

I ate sooo much. My stomach felt like it was colliding into my heart and if I sat even a little bit slouched, I couldn't breath. What is wrong with me? Where is my sense of self control? <(¬_¬<)

what I had accomplished:
...I stayed up till 3ish cramming for that stupid test and I"m pretty sure I failed...really horribly. I guessed on 46 of the 48 questions. But I guess my cramming's better than nothing. I'm not even sure if it helped because when I took that test, my mind went completely blank. It was like someone had just put a fog machine inside my brain.

I started on my notes for the test next Monday, so yay for me!! Trying to get a head start, but we'll see how that goes.

something I look forward to the next day:
I'm suppose to be driving my friend tomorrow to school as per every Tuesday schedule. So I get to talk to another human being! Lol, as much as I don't like talking, I like talking to people that know me for being quiet and don't push it. Yes I do have some peeps that are cool like that. Lol.

I had a small convo with him today and another guy also and this other girl I was paired, at the end of today I talked some? Lol, it wasn't much. Just polite chatter, but that class is the only time I talk so it's something I look forward to, but am also really anxious about.  (҂⌣̀_⌣́)

...I wish I had a person who was just always there with me. Something similar to a pet but could talk to me. Something like a lover but without the sex and awkwardness and anxiety. Something like a best friend. I think that's my dream, to find a best friend.

Well, it was a pretty drama-less day, but that's okay, drama can be exhausting. I'm getting sleepy. But I also want to eat. Pleasssse let this week be over quickly. I want ma SUMMER!! 三(‘ω’)三( ε: )三(.ω.)三( :3 )三(‘ω’)三( ε: )三(.ω.)三( :3 )

Sunday, April 10, 2016

(゚ペ)? These days, it feels like you’re mine, it seems like you’re mine but not ♫

"I was cured, but at what price?"

"What's the point of this body, this heart, if you're not here?"

"What am I suppose to do without you?"

"I can't remember a time when you weren't here. I can't do this. How am I supposed to live on when all I have all are memories of you? I don't want to make new memories without you in them." stories make me want and also not want to experience love. Granted how old I am, I should have had a first love already, but nope, still just a couch potato. But think about it, to have a love so desperate, a love so consuming that that person is all you can see. That that person is all you want. That that person...once gone, has taken all life with them. Mm, not sure if I want a love like that or not. It sounds romantic but also really tragic.

something positive about the day:
stuDDDDYYYING~ bc I have a test at 8 tomorrow and lil procrastinator that I am haven't started a lick of studying. :P  Fun fact, studying has the word dying in it! Another fun fact did you know the daisy flower, it's name is a combo for "day's eye" because the daisies open up in the morning and close at night??? Isn't that AWESOME??!! Lol, I think so.

Have you ever seen the show Naked and Afraid? Basically it's a guy and girl going naked into some dangerous wild place like the Amazon or some part of Peru and trying to survive for 21 days. It really makes me appreciate clothes(especially shoes!!) and a house and water and food and call me crazy but makes me want to do it. I can't start a fire and have no survival skills whatsoever, but it looks sooo fun!!! Lol, I know I'm looking at it through rose colored glasses since I'm not actually there, but I've always wanted to do a real life survival game. I would prefer one with clothes though...that's just asking for awkwardness. lol.

what I had accomplished:
mmmmm...I ate some frutas today. Kiwis and pineapples and wontons and lol that last one wasn't a fruit, but it was still go~ood!

Also finished my weekly essay, man I'm getting good at APA format!!!

I learned that looking for good things to read is heck hard. There's got to be a better way to find niches of certain books.

I'm also posting this early!! P.S. it's just bc I don't want to study anymore...(☉ε ⊙ノ)ノ yup.

something I look forward to the next day:
I get to go to schooool!!!! (note that this is a sarcastic scream). Oh joy. Lol, it's really hard to convey tone when writing. but tomorrow I do get to watch the new episode of running man, so thank you running man for making my days bearable!! xD

"You said you loved me, but what was the point of loving me, if you were just going to leave me? Give me back the years I wasted on you. Give me back all the love I could have given someone else, that would have stuck around! Give me...give me back a life, that didn't know you..."

"You think I'm choosing to leave you? You think I'm doing this because I want to? I'm doing this for you!" 

"I never asked for you to save me. I don't need a hero. I don't need to be saved. All I ever asked was for you to stay with me. I love you...but when did that become not enough? When did I become not enough?"

Sigh, I always come up with these lines that would go so well in stories, but they're just lines bc I never have the patience to sit down and write, let alone finish a story.  On a side note that's completely unrelated, my favorite kind of love story is a childhood friend story. People are always saying children don't know what love is...but just because it doesn't involve sex doesn't mean it's not real love. And sometimes, I think that's what adults get wrong. Sex doesn't equate to love and love doesn't equate to sex.

Saturday, April 9, 2016

♪ :P Dark days are gonna go away They won't have the final say

I think the reason I cling so much to books and manga is bc it's my happy place. BUT. But. Seriously I did not read that 700 page manga for it to end like that! Chincha. I cannot stand open endings. I know, I know the author looks all cool and and may have their reason for doing so, but freaking GIVE ME MY HAPPY ENDING!!!!!!! Gosh, I don't regret reading it, bc I loved her other works, but dang mangaka, give me some closure!!!! Sigh it's Hiiro no Isu and I swear, I freaking swear, it was the most frustrating thing I've read in a while. Part bc of the manga and part bc all the sites that I tried to read it on, only every other page would load. Man I wished I lived in a place with those manga stores where you would pay like a dollar for 15 minutes of being able to sit there with a physical manga and read. That would be freaking paradise.

W/e I'm ok. Breathe. Just breathe. (ー_ー )

I will find a better gender bender manga to read that will soothe my soul, bc dang I nned a happy romance filled in your face manga that'll make me smile. Else I'm just gonna end up ending the whole jar of chocolate in my kitchen...which would not be good. Oh! and I really want to get an exercise ball. Those things look fun and this guy said his mother in law lost arm fat by using it and I really need to lose arm fat. These things look like chicken thighs. Lol. I do love me some chicken thighs though...

something positive about the day:
I had nam today and even though it reaks of garlic, I LOVE garlic. It's sooo tasty and I love the smell. Let me just say I also love onions and the smell of gasoline. And Idk if it's just bc my senses are basically screwed up but I have a hard time distinguishing between the smell of skunk and chocolate. I mean I usually can tell it's skunk bc I'm on the road...but I think there's actually a very fine line between the two. Same thing with sweat and hamburgers. I think they smell similar. LOL. don't give me that weird look, it's what my nose feels. :P

...another disgusting thing is I really don't mind my own farts bc I mean they're my own and not gonna lie, but I've sniffed my own before. I just don't like other people's farts. Granted though, I don't think we should make that big a deal out of it. I remember a commercial or something that was all we all fart or they called it flatulence, so it shouldn't be something to be looked on with disgust or shame.

I remember when I was in fifth grade, I was with a friend and was unable to hold in my fart and so I sat there and tooted(LOL, why would she name herself deep toot?). Lol. She looked at me and was all "You farted!!" And she laughed and I felt embarrassed and was all "no, I didn't!! You did!" even though I obviously did since it was just the two of us. I mean it didn't smell or anything but it made this high pitched squeaking sound. Lol, it was so funny bc when I let it go, she gave me this "did you just-?!" Lol, I kept denying it but she knew bc it obviously wasn't her. LOl, so we went back and forth and finally bc we're kids we got distracted with something else. But I can still remember that embarrassment and denial feeling now even though it's been so many years. Lol, man being a kid with friends was so nice. Why can't it be easy like that anymore???

what I had accomplished:
I'm working on my discussion for sociology now. Man, my teacher needs to actually read my posts. If she read them, she wouldn't take points off for stuff that makes no sense. No wonder the freaking class average is so low. Man, this manga this has got me a bit more frustrated than I thought, so I'm also going to watch Ned's Declassified to chill out. That's my childhood show that ALWAYS makes me smile. :P

something I look forward to the next day:
UM. it's the weekend. What don't I have to look forward to? And besides, it's Sunday. Even I forget, but it's the beginning of the week, so yay! for beginnings. I hope my hair grows out, but it's taking so long. I want to dye it too, but I've heard it costs 50-150$ for a dye job and I'm just (-_-;)・・・ seriously? It's only going to last 3-5 wks I'm still debating on that bc I'd have to bleach my hair and urk I heard you can go bald but I mean I've had this hair color since I was born and I've been an adult for a I just want a change. I want to have hair like Kim Jong Kook's when it's wavy, it's soooo nice!!! 

lol, watching Ned MAKES ME MISS JUNIOR HIGH SOOOO MUCH. I wanna go back. I want to be a kid again with no responsibilities. Sometimes I wonder about alternate universes of myself. Maybe one where I'm popular and would be drunk at a party right now. Or one where I'm struggling to get by and am literally starving to death. Or maybe one where I'm the a rich child and have no worries in the world bc yes the world does run on money. Or maybe one where I find the love of my life and we can have adventures together...or maybe one where I'm a productive member of society. lol, I literally had so many choices in my life and yet here I am...on possibly the most boring one, and it's all my own fault. Bleh, I regret nothing.

iT'S actually 1 in the morning so technically this should have been written yesterday, but I'll just write another one for today later today. I need to recharge my mental energy for this week. It's going to be a looooo~oooong one. May all you other people in the world have a more peaceful and happy week.    ヽ(*・ω・)ノ 

Friday, April 8, 2016

All night hearing voices telling me That I should get some sleep Because tomorrow might be good for something ♬ (o_ _)ノ彡☆

oh my gooosh. This week has been my all time low. And today was actually the lowest. :( IDK, man.

Sorry, but honestly, today has been a day I wish had never happened. You know one of those days. W/e it's over now.

something positive about the day:
I got called the "odd man out". I was actually ok with this bc this is a better word for it(you know instead of loner, weird quiet kid, person that never know) but when I got questioned about it...mmm, chill out man. Literally to my face and then questioned on why I wasn't with the others and why I was by myself...gee idk, maybe it's cause I don't like people. I mean I love them. Seriously they can be amazing and wonderful and beautiful and smiley and happy and laughter...but talking to them, engaging with them, coming up with new things to talk about...every single day...dude, I'm so exhausted that today I just gave up. Yeah I sat with them, but I made no effort at all to engage with them. Lol, there's my positive for the day, instead of running and hiding, at least I sat with them. Call me unsociable, but if I'm honest I would actually just be nodding along to stuff that I really don't care about. Most of the stuff they talk about I don't care a lick about. But I have to pretend like I do, bc otherwise I'm the jerkface I was today who sits there and stares into space. Seriously, it feels like a wasted day.

I don't get it. What's so wrong about wanting to be by yourself? What the eff is so bad about not wanting to talk? What's you people's problem, huh? Quit trying to make me like one of you guys.

And fyi, don't tell someone's who's already isolating themselves to try and get along with others bc telling someone to do something that they're not only not good at but also'll just make them do the opposite. "Oh smile more." I will frown all freaking day. "Oh talk more." You ain't hearing a word from me anymore. "Oh you shouldn't be by yourself" I will freaking hide in the bathroom all day. I'm like most people, I will do the opposite out of spite. Bc words like that that do nothing but discourage me.  

Lol now that I'm done with that rant. Good things. Good things. Hmm, I had a lot of downtime today and while that was good for me, it made everyone look at me as a lazy bum,..but w/e I don't live to please you people.

I love the people who invented ramen. It's so tasty and cheap and tbh I like eating it raw. I'm too lazy to cook it and it tastes good like this. It's prob bad for me, but oh well.

what I had accomplished:
I didn't go home and just crash even though that's what I wanted to do. I did take an hour nap when I got home and am still awake now. And despite today being an all around horrible experience. I made it through it. Granted I'll have to see their stupid faces again for 5 more weeks...but at least I'll get time to recuperate during summer. Gosh, this'll be my last "summer" forever bc I'll have to work forever and will only have "vacations" next year on.

something I look forward to the next day:
IT'S SATURDAY!!! LOL, I will never not look forward to the weekend!! Lol, well as long as I don't have school or work during it, I'm good.

on that note UH OH SPAGHETTI O'S !!!!!! LOL, I like this phrase better than rats. But we'll see, it's hard to change.

Thursday, April 7, 2016

And if you close your eyes, Does it almost feel like You've been here before?

I burnt my tongue drinking coffee :I (I put in hazelnut creamer and it was delish xD; I wanted to try the french vanilla but it was out) Such delicious food, and I caaaan't taste it. Lol, now I can't stop saying "a" words with a British accent. Hahaha, if I live in England long enough, surely I can develop a British accent, right??????????? There is hooope, riiiiight????? Lol, if not, I can settle with an Australian accent. And if all else fails, I'll go to an Irish accent...(´ε` )♡

something positive about the day:
Bro:"I heard a knock and ding dong while I was running, but I was in the zone so I didn't answer it."

Me:"What do you mean you didn't answer it, what if it was an emergency?"

Bro:"Well that's your problem. Don't call me either, cause I won't pick up."

Me:"What?! What if I'm dying?!"

Bro:"Well that's your problem. Just don't die between 5:30-6:30."

\(º □ º l|l)/

Lol, bc I really get to choose when I die. This is why I'm glad my parents procreated another child. What would I do without him? Lol, apparently die. But no, really, I feel so blessed to have him. (ノ´з`)ノ

what I had accomplished:
Lol. Nothing. Jk. I went to class even though I didn't want to. I talked to my classmate instead of ignoring her like the loner I am. I tried to talk to the staff, but again, human interaction...not my cup of tea dearies.

I also learned that people are seriously...more than just what you see. A "nice" person can be a real...jerk. And a "mean" person can be a saint. And change, change baby is harder than you think it is. A person who suddenly says, "Oh, I've changed..." be forewarned. People don't just quickly "change". It's freaking hard.

Sigh. I just remembered the 3 things I regret in this world. 2 of them bc of other people and 1 of them bc of my family. I'm...actually too ashamed to post them on here, but I did post it on anonymous confession. It doesn't lessen any of the guilt...but if I ever see them in person again...I want to promise that I won't hesitate to apologize. But..idk. I wish I was a better person. You of those people that just radiated goodness...and why am I so evil inside? :( I used to be such a good kid...but idk what happened. It stinks being a horrible person. Hah. This is not where I was planning to go with this, but like I said: I've always been a negative person so of course it won't be that easy to change into a positive, loving life person. But I'm trying and I'm gonna have relapses and it's not going to be easy, but I want to look in the mirror and not hate the person I see there. I want to be happy that God created me. I want to know I wasn't a worthless existence. But, like I said, it'll take time. And I'm gonna work on it. Lol, one day at a time.

something I look forward to the next day:
TOMORROW IS FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!! YESH!!!!  Lol, it's a long day, but then comes the weekend amigo!!! I'm going to listen to my new CD's that I bought tomorrow on my way to school. AND! AND! AND! ...pSSst, get this. I'm going to EAT breakfast tomorrow. I forgot if I talked about it, but I ran into some blood and I hadn't eaten breakfast and just my vision started going black. Not like black spots, but kind of like static black started creeping into the side of my vision. I walked briskly out of that room and basically sprinted down the hall into the bathroom, sat down, and closed my eyes. It was effing scary. lOL, it wasn't until I was able to stand up steadily that I realized I sat on the nasty bathroom floor. Lol, but w/e. I crammed a candy down my throat and sat there for a bit hoping that I wouldn't pass out. It was quite an experience. One day at a time.

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

I don't know what you're doing to me Mon chéri, but the truth catches up with us eventually ♫ (T_T)

Addiction is scary. People who have never been addicted can easily say, "oh why don't you just quit." they don't know what they're talking about. For me it's more of a mental addiction, but addiction can be both mental and physical. Cutting cold turkey makes you realize why you started the addiction in the first place. Life looks so empty without it. There's so much more free time, but there's no motivation there to do anything else. That addiction was my source of now that I want to stop, I have to search for something else to find my happiness in...:/ I don't like a lot of things. Argh. This is gonna be a long journey, but I got to keep trying.

something positive about the day:
I slept in like nobodies business today. And I went walking even though I felt like a pile of goo. It was nice and windy and I felt energized after walking.

I also bravely went to the fiction part of the library today. Usually if I check out a book, it's from the nonfiction part bc there's nobody there so I can browse as I please, but today, I was all, "let's do something scary and different", so I went to the fiction part and looked around. Ok, you got me. I went at night so there was about 3 people there, so less pressure, but hey, I still went. :P I found 3 books.

I've been thinking that I've been so focused on reading manga these past couple years bc it's online and easier access but I wonder if all this online reading hasn't been the reason behind my radical degeneration of sight. I want to go back to reading physical books. And see if that makes any difference. I want to set a goal of 3 books a week, but that might be me being over optimistic(hey! That's a nice change from my "the world hates me" attitude) since this week was test free.

Ah, raising hope makes me smile. That little girl is so cute!

what I had accomplished:
I learned how to make gift bags bc of youtube( It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. But now I won't have to buy those dollar gift bags bc during the after Christmas sail, I found out there's an A to Z variety shop in town and they were selling wrapping paper that was 90% off!! Isn't that daebak??! So I got a roll for ~.20 cents. I reallly wanted to just buy up all of the wrapping paper bc that's such a freaking awesome deal, but I couldn't carry all of it and I didn't want to get a cart. Lol. Again the lazy me destroys me. I made 3 bags and they're not professional quality, but hey  I'll get better the more I do. I made 2 Christmas ones and 1 birthday one.

I didn't skip class today even though I really wanted to. It's college so I'm paying for the classes so I might as well go.

something I look forward to the next day:
Tomorrow even though it's suppose to be one of my long days, at least they're providing lunch. :? It's sooo hard for me to find something to look forward to on Thursdays and Fridays...I just wish I had a friend on these days, then the day would pass by much faster...but we've been together for 3 semesters now...everyone has their own group already. I always feel like an outsider trying to edge my way in. So, I'm taking the solo route for now. It is lonely but it's also less pressure. So meh.

Gosh, I just saw it. A freaking huge mosquito the size of my fist. Urgh one of the downsides of approaching summer... How the heck am I gonna sleep tonight? Gosh it WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!! I ran and got a fly swatter and tried to hit it but my aim is freaking horrible!!!!!! Why couldn't I have done sports in school?????????? Welp, guess there's no sleep for me tonight...:(((

I don't like using the word "shoot" as an alternative to the s word. It's too similar. I used to say rats when I was younger and idk when I switched to shoot, but I want to switch back. I like rats better. Gosh I really don't like mosquitoes, I'm so scared and paranoid rn...I wish it would show up again so I'm not sitting around looking around waiting for it to just pop up....{{ (>_<) }}....

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

If I told you what I was, Would you turn your back on me? ♪ __φ(..)

...sometimes, I'm scared of myself. Scared of my own thoughts. Scared of how people see me. Just scared to continue on with life, bc there'll be more heartache, more tears, more anger, and more regret. I wonder if this the life I'm meant to live. I wonder...if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm making the right choices, if this is how my life is going to be always. Lol, my mom broke my jar. Inside my head I got mad that my jar was broken...when I should have been more concerned that she cut's thoughts like these that make me wish I was a better person. Shouldn't someone else's pain be more important than just stuff? Ugh. I guess I have a lot of growing up to do. My depressing thought for the day.

something positive about the day:
Got to taste the bamboo!! It was yummy! I ate it with salmon. No wonder pandas like the stuff. My hair was looking soft today. And, even though it was hot, there was a nice breeze that blew when it got too hot.

P.S., my brother's favorite phrase as of late: "But, why?" Lol, he'll seriously answer everything I say with that. And I just realized today that I've started saying it too!!!

what I had accomplished:
I sent a text today. It was just an elaborate thank you text, but I don't particularly like texting. It's a permanent record of my awkwardness. People can always keep what I say and, and...I don't like that. But I did send it. I'll admit, it took me about 10 minutes to find the right wording...once again, I can hardly talk to people in real initiating a conversation via text where I have no body language as's doubly hard. But that's ok, I did it. :O There will be of course more texts in the future, but that's ok, I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Lol, update...I looked at the reply text in only 2 h this time. Let me just say, I hate looking at reply texts. Bc, it makes me feel like I have to respond in kind. So hence, why I always wait a long time before looking at my phone again. I'm one of "those" people. I'm sorry. But, idk how to respond!!! If I did and was a master at conversing, I would reply faster. But I'm working on it!!!

I also finished writing my study guide, now I just got to get down to studying. ( ̄^ ̄)ゞ Fighting!! I can do it!!! 

OOOOh and I wore my sunglasses while walking to the library today. It's about a 5 minute walk, but I've always been scared to wear sunglasses bc I feel like people are thinking "What? Are you trying to be cool with those shades? Bc you're not" every time I wear them...I know it's prob just in my head, but I'm my own worse enemy. 

I like wearing sunglasses bc I can look at people more confidently than if I'm not wearing sunglasses. Also the reason I tried to ignore my initial instinct to not wear them is bc I remember how bad my eyes have gotten and I read somewhere it's good to wear sunglasses to protect the eyes from the sun. I need protection bc at the rate I'm going, I'll be blind way before I'm supposed to be. 

something I look forward to the next day:
I only got one class tomorrow. And it should be a class where I don't have to pair up with anyone. Sorry, but pairing up is the scariest part of class when you don't know anyone and it's an odd number. But, if I remember correctly tomorrow is the memorization class...I'm not really a person who can memorize things after seeing it a couple times. I have to actively try to memorize while I'm being taught it. Go over it in my head several times. Do it several times. Do it several more times. Talk through it. Do it several more, and then I should be able to do a decent, let me reiterate, decent job.

٩(ˊ〇ˋ*)و I think I'm allergic to, jk but even when I get enough sleep, whenever I'm outside, I just start yawning...hmm, wonder what's up with that. 

 this guy is an axolotl...even the name is cute!! He's an endangered species, but look at that smile!!! I want one...but I think it's illegal here in the states. The saddest thing is that bc he has regenerative powers(which by the way is flippin' awesome!!), people use him to do experimental research on...:( That's why he's becoming an endangered species. I hope we humans wouldn't use animals like the whole testing products on animals things. I'm probably a hypocrite for saying all this since I'm not a a vegetarian...but...we shouldn't cut his arms off just because they can grow back...I'm sure he still feels pain. I actually discovered this precious creature when I read about him in a manga. I think I'm going to put that on my bucket list...maybe not to have an axolotl since they might not like to be held captive, but to see one in real life...yeah, that'd be good enough for me. :)

oh lol...I think I pasted the picture correctly, if not and there's no image, then there's always google. Um...I think there's supposed to be something like giving credit to the owner of the picture or I could get sued...or something like that, but I'm not good with technical and legal stuff, so if it's your picture and you don't want me to use it, I can take it down. It's just he's so cute and I wanted everyone to know. Er, I just realized I've been calling the axolotl a boy...idk if he is one or that, it's just girls tend to be pickier and boys more chill, so I always like boy pets more, also I have a repertoire of boy names. Lol if I ever have kids. Got to find someone who would be able to tolerate me first. Lol and that I find tolerable of course. At this rate, it's looking like it's just gonna be me and axolotl for a while.

I just looked in the mirror and it looks like I'm, except that's physically impossible. Meh, guess that's what summer is for. SUMMMMER!!!! I'M WAITING FOR YOU!!! <3

Monday, April 4, 2016

I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed Get along with the voices inside of my head ♫

Oh, today was a good day even though it was monday. Lol, monday's are starting to lose their rep as being a bad day!!

something positive about that day:
a classmate of mine gave me bamboo. Lol, it was one of the sweetest things ever!! It wasn't even just a little bit either, it was a whole jar!! People like that really are just too sweet for this world. I wish I was better at socializing so I could give the person back something in return.

Got to see new episode of running man!! Running man always makes my day better!! Mmm, we had to do a group project thing in class today, but I'm glad the teacher assigned us to groups, since every time there's free choice it's awkward since I sit by myself. The group I was with was really nice. Idk if it was niceness out of politeness, but hey I'll take fake niceness over rude in my face meanness, since I have 2 more semesters with them.

Oh and when we reviewed the test, she enlarged it so I didn't have to move closer.

what I had accomplished:
I got accused of flirting in my last class. Lol, I hate the word flirting, bc for some reason it makes me feel gross. Urk, seriously someone should exterminate that word. But, hey I didn't even know I could flirt, so got something going for me. Lol. :P

something I looked forward to the next day:
tomorrow I get to eat grilled chicken!!! Yattta! It looks sooooo goood, I want to eat it now, but it's almost midnight and I've eaten too much! I should also be able to finish my study guide tomorrow, so yay for head start on hw!!! XD

Sunday, April 3, 2016

♬ We hide pain in the weirdest places Broken souls with smiling faces (´。• ᵕ •。`)

I'm just gonna talk a little about the concert yesterday. Got home around 2:30 A.M., lol and then went straight to sleep. TBH, I went to the concert to hang out with my friend, but it turned out my favorite part was the music. Lol, don't give me the 'duh' look. I know concerts are for the music, but my first thought when I got there was: I am NOT a concert person. It's loud. There's a lot of people. And I was completely ready to zone out and just deal with it and put it in the backburner of my memories. But...dang, hearing people play music live in front of thousands of people who were all gathered just to hear someone play/ was kind of an amazing experience.

Anytime a group of people get together to do anything it makes me amazed. Granted it wasn't as organized as it could be, but well what can you do. Lol. We got there around 1ish but it didn't start until 5. We got good seats but I wonder if it was really necessary to get there so early, there weren't actually a lot of people this time., I realized the portrayal of brothers and sisters in mangas where their relationship is's totally understandable. It was just me my friend and her brother that went on the trip. Lol, I thought this was going to be good but the whole time it was like I was competing with her brother for her was the weirdest sensation. It felt like he was ignoring me the whole time...and wouldn't include me in, it made me feel like that friend who tags along on a date. Lol, once again I'm reminded that 3 just not a good arrangement. It's just all kinds of awkward. I mean sometimes it's good bc two people can be awkward if both of them aren't willing to talk but...most of the time, someone's gonna be an odd man out.

and man, I wore my contacts all day and I really shouldn't have bc I feel like my eyes got worse. The right side of my head(the right eye is the one with the worse vision) aches. I need to get lasik. IDK how to stop my eyes from getting worse. And I just went to the eye doctor too, so I feel like my new glasses are too

OH! and I got 3 cds. 1 from sidewalk prophets, their new cd, and one from stars go dim. Then my friend bought red's cd, but it was a 2 for 1 sale so she gave me one of hers!! That was so nice!! The shirts were a tad too expensive so I didn't spend anything there. I also got mcdonald's which I haven't gotten in a long time. It wasn't bad, but it's more expensive now than I remember. Lol, but I do have to say that I understand why people eat mcdonald's so often. Burgers and french fries are good.

something positive about that day:
I bought SO much fruit today!! Pineapple, kiwi, banana, blackberries, strawberries!! Wow, this week is gonna be yummy!!!! <3

And I bought chicken breasts so that I can grill them for the first time. I heard chicken is healthier than beef or pork.

what I had accomplished:
I finished 2 essays! 2 apa format 10 page papers! That's a HUGE accomplishment. Lol, bc one was assigned a week ago and the other 2 weeks ago. But at least I finished them!!

something I looked forward to the next day:
lol, I asked my brother and he said "nothing bc it's monday". lol, I really can't think of anything other than tomorrow will be the first hot day of the year. Which means I'm going to be getting darker. I'm not sure if I look better darker or lighter, but we'll see. I like the sun. (*¯︶¯*) but, I will have to admit, I like the snow more, but I like rain the best. 

Saturday, April 2, 2016

♪ :) 'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops, what if your healing comes through tears

All through our lives we like to think that the good moments are what we look forward to. That all the bad things are just the memories that we should skip over. But really without the bad...the good times just aren't as sweet. It's the bad things that make us more grateful. It's the horrific things that make us more grateful. I'm not saying to always hope bad things happen to you or even trying to justify all of the bad things that happen to people. Because there are a lot of bad things and not all of them...most of them...when they happen to us, we find them to be...horrible, and we can't understand why something happens. We ask why me? We ask why now? But most of all we ask why does this happen at all? It does nobody any good and it only cause tears in the end...I don't have an answer to any of those questions and to be honest, I don't think that I'll ever have an answer bc it's out of my hand or rather I think it's out of human's hands. I can't ever say that I understand God(why he does things the way that he does's not a bad thing) life is more than just one bad event or even multiple bad events. Life is filled with the good and the bad.

Something positive:
I got to hang out with someone that I havent seen in a while. It's been since Christmas. I don't really want to put a label bc labels don't really stuck for that long or maybe it's more that they're likely to change.

Something accomplished:'s always hard to find something that I've done on weekends But well it's not like I've done nothing. I woke up. I breathed. I made another choice to continue on with my life when staying alive has always been...I'm not gonna lie, but a struggle. Haha, really today isn't confession day. But really...ah that's right. Today I chose to go outside and you know do people normal people the very least it'll be a memory. Whether it turns out good or bad...well it'll be something that I can talk about in the future and it'll be something that I can pull from in my memory.

Something to look forward to tomorrow:
Tomorrow is it should be my day of relaxing...but well that also mean that I have to do my hw, but that isn't all that bad either. I was planning to finish my he anyways. Maybe I can get a head start and then not have to be catching up later.