I'm a very fearful person. And...there's a lot of fear with becoming more knowledgeable, and becoming wiser. I remember writing a paper for the benchmark about how "ignorance is bliss"lol I ranted the potato out of that paper...point is, I still think that might be true. What kind of person would I be if I didn't know everything that I did now? Would I be a less jaded person? Would I be kinder? I mean I used to be a nice child...you know when I knew nothing...but somewhere along the road...it was like rocks kept being thrown at me, so that there's nothing left but a shattered me. I'm not afraid to admit it: I'm a mean person. I wouldn't slap the label nice on me anymore.
Lol. It's been a long day and long days are usually because I've had a lot of time for reflection. Lol, and those reflections tend to take me down the black hole of negativity.
Thank you for bein' a friend ♪ Gosh, I love that song!! I've never watched an episode though.
But...now that that's out of the way. The me today isn't bad either. I'm hesitant, but I haven't lost the intention to help. I'm still in the process of finding myself...lol, I'm gonna be dead before I know who I am and am happy with who I am.
I'm just torn between wanting to be the person that's nice/friendly/talks to everybody and the person that's quiet/talks with a few people. I'm not sure which one is me...and I'm not sure which one I want to be...it's all so confusing and there really isn't a manual to it. Just a lot of trial and error, lol.
something positive about that day:
Gah, I woke up today being able to breathe!!!! You know how much of an accomplishment that is for me??? My throat has been KILLING me. I swear it was like swallowing fish bones every time I swallowed. LOl, now I just have a hacking cough that causes me headaches when I cough but well one step at a time, amigo. Thank you GOD for it being spring break so I'm not in people's vicinity.
lol, and I've just been informed by my brother that there is such a thing as duck mayonnaise...lol otherwise known as duckonnaise(probably spelled that wrong, but too lazy to spellcheck)...gah, you learn something new everyday. :P I wonder if it tastes good...though now that I think about it, what is normal mayo made from????? To the google!!! Lol, maybe later, if I remember.
lol, raising hope is such a funny show. Dude you wanna blow things up? Sure. He shows up and they're blowing up animal balloons. Lol, golly, so silly. Silly, silly, silly. And once again, I'm reminded of how wonderful it is to have directtv and recorded programs. I get to skippity do da those commercials!!!! AHAHAHa, take that ads that waste minutes of my life trying to sell me things I don't need.
what I had accomplished:
I cleaned. Not just oh placed papers back where they were supposed to go, but literally sat my butt down on the floor and vacuumed up those watermelon seeds. Haha and those spidey spiders that thought they could hide away in corners. I found you!!! Cue maniacal laugh. BWAHAHAHA. Lol, I kind of felt bad for them because I mean they didn't do anything to me...yet. But they got families too ya know. Lol, try reading that in a new jersey accent. Lol. Right anyways I found a couple spiders AND get this a couple of beetles under my bed. Talk about nasty. They were dead...I bet they were spider food, but they're all enjoying they're new home inside my vaccuum cleaner. Lol, I'm so afraid to open the thing because what if when I do, they're still alive and then come after me?! Ey, that wouldn't happen...I think. Oh and I windexed the windows but the blinds got stuck so my mom got them down...I never know how to work those buggers. I got one window down then it just looked like I was dancing with the other one...lol. Alls well that ends well though. :P
Oh! Oh! I just remembered, I finished making my ring box today!! It's a lot more tic tac awesome than I had thought it would turn out to be!!! I would post a pic..but I'm not that high tech yet, lol. I've lately developed an obsession with rings so bought a bunch from china off of ebay. Gah, I want to describe how to make it, but it's so many steps. I'm sure there's a tutorial on the google; that's where I figured out how to make mine...or maybe that was instagram.
Man, I forgot what I was talking about...I'll just end it here today.
something I looked forward to the next day:
Hopefully I can find me some new glasses tomorrow!!!!!!! Mine have been broken for a couple years now and I've been wearing contacts. I want to be stylish!! Lol. rock this world with my STYLE. Lol, no but glasses make my fat face look even chubbier...lol and not the cute kind of chubby. they're always too small for my face...it kind of makes me sad really, but I'm getting sick of contacts...they dry out my eyes so much...but I gotta admit, I look go~od when I'm wearing them. ;D haha, strut that confidence!
oh my gosh, I just realized, but I don't know how to hula hoop!!! No!! I need to go buy one and practice...that's going on my bucket list...along with juggling. Skills I need before becoming a skeleton. Lol, the list is really long actually
...I wonder if any of this makes sense...I feel like I just jabbered on about no~thing. Lol. w/e. I gots my shot of positive done for today!! XD