I realized it today, that it shouldn't matter all these what if questions...I mean they really don't do me any good other than just make me depressed. Like, if he was here it would be better, or she probably hates me, or I bet she's saying how boring I am, and blah blah blah...what does any of that matter? I mean maybe it does, but what will thinking those thoughts do? Nothing. Anyways. I'm glad I had a good classmate to go to shadowing with. She talked and interacted for me. Oh and the kids...special education kids...they're SO precious. It made me feel so grateful and inadequate. What in the world am I complaining about? At least I have a body that moves when I want it to and at least I'm able to verbalize my requests,...they're sooo smart and it makes me wonder if we aren't doing them a disservice by not having more one on one classes. I wish I was able to create a device that could read thoughts...so I could know what they needed when they take my hand and stare at me. I've never been good at reading people, but we live in the 21st century...something's got to be done to get past this communication barrier.
Oh! Actually, it was interesting bc in one of the classrooms, they had signing time. I think signing is ridiculously amazing. And should honestly be learned by everyone and be offered or taught for free bc talking isn't the only way to communicate.
Also it turns out I have a very vague stand on things. Like all kinds of things. Death, murder, suicide, abortion, politics, food...I get swayed easily...ooops.
But the reason I say that is because it came up about how special education kids should never be told, "This is all you've ever amount to. You'll never get past(insert grade/age level)". Then there are those that say, "That's B.S. They can do do whatever the eff they want. Why are you putting limitations on them?" So there's like a very sandy line between setting realistic expectations and actually limiting them that I can't decide which one is better. I mean you never want to limit a kid when he/she could be SO much more...but you also don't want to give them expectations that could possibly only lead to disappointments...idk, like I said, I don't have clear opinions. I should stick to my guns more. Lol, there go the negativity thoughts. Well, I'm working on it.
Oh! It was crazy bc last week I was all, I think I want to eat oatmeal so I bought it but didn't get a chance to eat it. And then bam, this week I have this ridiculously sore throat and guess what? I get to eat my oatmeal!! It's surprisingly delicious!! <3 I even put bananers in it!!
what I had accomplished:
Asking questions and making remarks. I have to believe that I'll build some kind of immunity or liking if I can just open my mouth. I mean I do want to get along with others. I do want people to remember my name, my face...honestly, it's kind of selfish and greedy, but all I really want is someone to say, thank you...a sincere and heartfelt thank you and I'll continue working hard until and after I hear and feel those words.
This is the thing that shocked me really. Helping people...knowing that you were able to do something for them...it's really a high and happy kind of feeling. It really could be an addiction. Heh, at least a better addiction that the ones that I usually get into.
something I looked forward to the next day:
Turns out I have class on campus tomorrow, from 7-5, and the classmate that I went today with is baking stuff for someone's birthday so yay! I get to eat homemade stuff!! Hehe, and it's sweet dessert stuff today! Bad for me, but also GOOD for me, if you know what I mean, lol. :P If it isn't obvious, me likely the foodie. (´ω｀)