Saturday, April 23, 2016

I raise my flag and dye my clothes It's a revolution, I suppose We're painted red to fit right in ♬ くコ:彡

It's a revolution somehow.

I got buttercream bread. I ate too much so my stomach hurts, and I feel sleepy.

I introduced myself twice. I hate introductions, bc my name is weird so no one remembers it anyways...

I got told once since it was so unique people would remember it, not true.

Look forward to:
Sleep. Study. Pass my test.

I wish I could get rid of this greedy part of me. So, when I was driving home today, I drove with the passenger's window down bc it was hot and I don't like putting the driver's window down bc then if I look to the left at a stoplight/stop sign, I got other people and their peopleness looking back at me.

Anyways, so I stop at a redlight and there are these kids...I knew it. When there are people on the side of the road that aren't walking, they gonna be asking for money. And it's not like I could just roll up the window or pretend I didn't hear them. So the kid came to my car, asked if I wanted to donate to a basketball club or game or something like that.

I look at the red light wishing it would hurry up, course I got sunglasses on(rocking my shades), and when the kid asked me, my immediate response was, "Uh, I don't know if I have any money with me right now..." trailed off and then opened up that pocket drawer thing that's between the driver's and passenger's seats. And lo and behold, there's  a 20$ bill right there. The kid glances at it and whispers something to his friend. I look at the kid and then back at the money and...I gave him the money. Lol, what was I suppose to do? Was that even the right thing to do?

My logic cringes saying "What a waste of money! You should have drove faster!" Lol, but then the angel in me is all, "good job, you did something for someone else for once, and gah, I know 20$ doesn't seem like a lot to some people, but that's a lot for donations, and I didn't get anything in return."

Gosh, I'm so sleepy, my contacts hurt so bad, I have to finish this and study.

I wish I was one of those people who're able to just give everything to others...I'm too dang selfish to do that. Gosh, So dang sleepy. I've had 4 minute ine

Lol, so it's 10 in the morning and I just woke apparently I fell asleep last night while I was typing. I don't even know what I was going to say or what that word is suppose to be, so I'll just leave it. But what I wanted to say was that there are so many people who give money and stuff and themselves to others, but I'm all, "No. This is mine. Why should I share." And ugh, I need to just grow up(lol even though I'm an adult), besides what am I gonna do with stuff anyways? I can't take it with me when I die. So God, please give me a heart.

MMM, I'm watching Tarzan and I LOVE IT SO MUCH! Come on people, we live together on this planet, why can't we just get along. Yesh, Yeah I know about the whole chain of command and prey and predator and circle of life(lol different movie), makes me sad, that death is really inevitable..:(

So on that note, try to be a better person than you were yesterday. Whether that be kinder, more positive, or more active, just stop standing there like you're stuck in mud or have chains around your ankles bc the only thing tying you down is get it together! Man, buddy, pal, I know it's not easy, but take that step instead of just standing there. :) Fighting!! o((*^▽^*))o

So update again, this time for 4.23

Bless her heart. I almost had a heart attack bc I thought I had missed a test today; granted it was a practice test, but it was a mandatory one, so I was all kinds of freaking out. So I emailed the teacher and like I said, bless her soul, she reopened it for me and I was able to take it. So grateful she was even awake and that she even answered. Some teachers don't, so I was just grateful from the bottom of my heart. I didn't do too well, lol got a 54% but, it was a practice test and for some reason I felt rushed. And, not all there bc I had forgotten bc there was that major test on monday and so bleck, kill me now, curse my obsessive personality, so focused on that test I had forgotten about the one today. Lol anyways, I did it and the real one should be sometime next week and hopefully I'll do better on that one. :) Fingers crossed and heart locked.

I'm studying now and planning to study until it's time to wake up Monday. I ate all the buttercream bread. Lol, I sat there for legit 20 minutes just staring at the last inch wanting to savor it, but really needing to finish it and my stomach hurt, but I didn't just want to leave it there and finally consumed the thing. It was delicious!!! Thank you all bakers and cooks and chefs of the world. and thank you for the invention of sugar and sweets bc they really do make the world go round. My brother said something that kind of hit home:

Me: "You know, I'm ok with being fat bc eating makes me happy."

Him:" Yeah, for now. But then after you're done eating-"

Me:"-I'm sad..."


Me:"Huh. I guess it's vicious cycle. I eat to be happy. But once I'm done eating, I'm sad. So I eat again, even though I'm not hungry."

Him: Duh look. "And laying like a bum on that couch ain't helping your situation either."

And then slew of insults and punches ensue. Lol, you know typical sibling fight.

○| ̄|_  but, he's got a point. I have to learn to curb my sweet tooth and I even refused to go walking today and instead just stayed inside reading manga....( ु•̫•̫ ु) lol, what am I even doing with my life?

look forward:
to studying, bc it does feel good to learn, and I don't dislike learning, honestly I do like it even though I complain about it. It just feels like my brain is so tiny and there's SO MUCH to learn, not just for school, but to survive in modern life. And I'm ALWAYS, always forgetting stuff so sometimes the motivation isn't there bc I know I'll just forget what I just learned.

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