oh my gooosh. This week has been my all time low. And today was actually the lowest. :( IDK, man.
Sorry, but honestly, today has been a day I wish had never happened. You know one of those days. W/e it's over now.
something positive about the day:
I got called the "odd man out". I was actually ok with this bc this is a better word for it(you know instead of loner, weird quiet kid, person that never talks...you know) but when I got questioned about it...mmm, chill out man. Literally to my face and then questioned on why I wasn't with the others and why I was by myself...gee idk, maybe it's cause I don't like people. I mean I love them. Seriously they can be amazing and wonderful and beautiful and smiley and happy and laughter...but talking to them, engaging with them, coming up with new things to talk about...every single day...dude, I'm so exhausted that today I just gave up. Yeah I sat with them, but I made no effort at all to engage with them. Lol, there's my positive for the day, instead of running and hiding, at least I sat with them. Call me unsociable, but if I'm honest I would actually just be nodding along to stuff that I really don't care about. Most of the stuff they talk about I don't care a lick about. But I have to pretend like I do, bc otherwise I'm the jerkface I was today who sits there and stares into space. Seriously, it feels like a wasted day.
I don't get it. What's so wrong about wanting to be by yourself? What the eff is so bad about not wanting to talk? What's you people's problem, huh? Quit trying to make me like one of you guys.
And fyi, don't tell someone's who's already isolating themselves to try and get along with others bc telling someone to do something that they're not only not good at but also hate...it'll just make them do the opposite. "Oh smile more." I will frown all freaking day. "Oh talk more." You ain't hearing a word from me anymore. "Oh you shouldn't be by yourself" I will freaking hide in the bathroom all day. I'm like most people, I will do the opposite out of spite. Bc words like that that do nothing but discourage me.
Lol now that I'm done with that rant. Good things. Good things. Hmm, I had a lot of downtime today and while that was good for me, it made everyone look at me as a lazy bum,..but w/e I don't live to please you people.
I love the people who invented ramen. It's so tasty and cheap and tbh I like eating it raw. I'm too lazy to cook it and it tastes good like this. It's prob bad for me, but oh well.
what I had accomplished:
I didn't go home and just crash even though that's what I wanted to do. I did take an hour nap when I got home and am still awake now. And despite today being an all around horrible experience. I made it through it. Granted I'll have to see their stupid faces again for 5 more weeks...but at least I'll get time to recuperate during summer. Gosh, this'll be my last "summer" forever bc I'll have to work forever and will only have "vacations" next year on.
something I look forward to the next day:
IT'S SATURDAY!!! LOL, I will never not look forward to the weekend!! Lol, well as long as I don't have school or work during it, I'm good.
on that note UH OH SPAGHETTI O'S !!!!!! LOL, I like this phrase better than rats. But we'll see, it's hard to change.
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