Addiction is scary. People who have never been addicted can easily say, "oh why don't you just quit." they don't know what they're talking about. For me it's more of a mental addiction, but addiction can be both mental and physical. Cutting cold turkey makes you realize why you started the addiction in the first place. Life looks so empty without it. There's so much more free time, but there's no motivation there to do anything else. That addiction was my source of happiness...so now that I want to stop, I have to search for something else to find my happiness in...:/ I don't like a lot of things. Argh. This is gonna be a long journey, but I got to keep trying.
something positive about the day:
I slept in like nobodies business today. And I went walking even though I felt like a pile of goo. It was nice and windy and I felt energized after walking.
I also bravely went to the fiction part of the library today. Usually if I check out a book, it's from the nonfiction part bc there's nobody there so I can browse as I please, but today, I was all, "let's do something scary and different", so I went to the fiction part and looked around. Ok, you got me. I went at night so there was about 3 people there, so less pressure, but hey, I still went. :P I found 3 books.
I've been thinking that I've been so focused on reading manga these past couple years bc it's online and easier access but I wonder if all this online reading hasn't been the reason behind my radical degeneration of sight. I want to go back to reading physical books. And see if that makes any difference. I want to set a goal of 3 books a week, but that might be me being over optimistic(hey! That's a nice change from my "the world hates me" attitude) since this week was test free.
Ah, raising hope makes me smile. That little girl is so cute!
what I had accomplished:
I learned how to make gift bags bc of youtube(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWXa9ZO2U4g&nohtml5=False). It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be. But now I won't have to buy those dollar gift bags bc during the after Christmas sail, I found out there's an A to Z variety shop in town and they were selling wrapping paper that was 90% off!! Isn't that daebak??! So I got a roll for ~.20 cents. I reallly wanted to just buy up all of the wrapping paper bc that's such a freaking awesome deal, but I couldn't carry all of it and I didn't want to get a cart. Lol. Again the lazy me destroys me. I made 3 bags and they're not professional quality, but hey I'll get better the more I do. I made 2 Christmas ones and 1 birthday one.
I didn't skip class today even though I really wanted to. It's college so I'm paying for the classes so I might as well go.
something I look forward to the next day:
Tomorrow even though it's suppose to be one of my long days, at least they're providing lunch. :? It's sooo hard for me to find something to look forward to on Thursdays and Fridays...I just wish I had a friend on these days, then the day would pass by much faster...but we've been together for 3 semesters now...everyone has their own group already. I always feel like an outsider trying to edge my way in. So, I'm taking the solo route for now. It is lonely but it's also less pressure. So meh.
Gosh, I just saw it. A freaking huge mosquito the size of my fist. Urgh one of the downsides of approaching summer... How the heck am I gonna sleep tonight? Gosh it WAS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!! I ran and got a fly swatter and tried to hit it but my aim is freaking horrible!!!!!! Why couldn't I have done sports in school?????????? Welp, guess there's no sleep for me tonight...:(((
I don't like using the word "shoot" as an alternative to the s word. It's too similar. I used to say rats when I was younger and idk when I switched to shoot, but I want to switch back. I like rats better. Gosh I really don't like mosquitoes, I'm so scared and paranoid rn...I wish it would show up again so I'm not sitting around looking around waiting for it to just pop up....{{ (>_<) }}....
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